Yeah, yeah. I’m late. Look, I’ve got a lot of drinking to do, so leave me alone.

As has been the case over the last few years, I’ve curated two long-play Spotify playlists representing the best “fast” and “slow” tracks of the year. There is no intentional transition from song to song; rather, they’re simply alphabetized by song title. I chose this method for 2022 because I had multiple songs from multiple bands and didn’t want to play them back-to-back-to-back. At this point, I just wanted to finish the damn project. The playlists comprise 70 and 79 songs, respectively. As far as the titles? My cheeky reference to Squeeze and Elvis Costello’s “From a Whisper to a Scream.”

I listened to a shit-ton of music this year, as I’ve been working from home for nearly three years now. As was the case in 2021, I don’t know how many albums came out that I would consider “great” records, but, as always, there were certainly a few standouts. Don’t forget to comment to let me know your 2022 favorites.

With that, let’s get into it . . .

Album Cover of the Year:

Black Country, New Road – Ants from Up There (Ninja Tune)

Song of the Year:

Surrounder – “(Rage Song)”

Those moves, though!

Top 20 Records of 2022:

20. Mamalarky – Pocket Fantasy (Fire Talk)
19. Field Music – grow your hair long if you’re wanting to see something that you can change (Run for Cover)
18. Skullcrusher – Quiet the Room (Secretly Canadian)
17. Plains – I Walked with You a Ways (Anti-)
16. THICK – Happy Now (Epitaph)
15. Frankie Cosmos – Inner World Peace (Sub Pop)
14. ME REX – Plesiosaur EP (Big Scary Monsters)
13. The Beths – Expert In a Dying Field (Carpark)
12. Built to Spill – When the Wind Forgets Your Name (Sub Pop)
11. Tenci – A Swollen River, A Well Overflowing (Keeled Scales)

10. Marina Allen – Centrifics (Fire Records)

9. Kal Marks – My Name Is Hell (Exploding in Sound)

8. Weyes Blood– And In the Darkness, Hearts Aglow (Sub Pop)

7. MJ Lenderman – Boat Songs (Dear Life)

6. Alvvays – Blue Rev (Polyvinyl/Transgressive)

5. Babehoven – Sunk EP (Double Whammy) and Light Moving Time (Double Whammy)

4. Horsegirl – Versions of Modern Performance (Matador)

3. caroline – caroline (Rough Trade)

2. Black Country, New Road – Ants From Up There (Ninja Tune)

1. Surrounder – Structural Mercy (Slang Church) and Timebomb at the Gala EP

“Wait, your record of the year is two records?!” Well, yes. A record and an EP, to be exact. Pensacola, Florida’s Surrounder released a full-length record as well as an EP in 2022, and I can’t imagine one without the other. Sure, the EP is only three songs, but sonically and thematically I can’t listen to one record without the other. Surrounder is composed of Carrie Rogers (Vocals & Noise Machine), Ty Cummings (Baritone Guitar & Vocals), and Elise Moeller (Drums). A trio with a single guitar shouldn’t sound this “full,” but hot damn do they shine. It’s hard to describe Surrounder relative to other bands other than to say they create a form of Indie-Grunge Punk Rock with touches of Pile, Kal Marks and straight-up badassery. Standouts on Structural Mercy include “Blue Flowers,” “Capitalism,” “Service” and “(Rage Song),” while Timebomb is highlighted by “Andrew’s Nervous Tick,” my second-favorite song of the year. These records are not only musically engaging but politically awakening, too. Wonderful people, wonderful records.

As always, there are no CDs (hard copies) this year. Your best bets are to A) listen to the Spotify playlist (linked below the track listings), or B) curate the playlists yourself in Apple Music or some other type of music app.

With that, I give you the 149 songs that comprise my 2022 playlists . . .

Whisper (The Best “Slow” Tracks of 2022):

1. The Rural Alberta Advantage – “10ft Tall” (The Rise)
2. Market – “26 (Therapy)” (The Consistent Brutal Bullshit Gong)
3. Plains – “Abilene” (I Walked with You a Ways)
4. Frankie Cosmos – “Aftershook” (Inner World Peace)
5. Angel Olsen – “All the Flowers” (Big Time)
6. Field Medic – “always emptiness” (grow your hair long . . )
7. La Bonte – “Angel” (Grist for the Mill)
8. Black Country, New Road – “Basketball Shoes” (Ants From Up There)
9. Alvvays – “Belinda Says” (Blue Rev)
10. Matt Kivel – “Blackbirds” (bend reality – like a wave)
11. Marina Allen – “Celadon” (Centrifics)
12. Black Country, New Road – “Concorde” (Ants From Up There)
13. Bill Callahan – “Coyotes” (YTI⅃AƎЯ)
14. Babehoven – “Creature” (Sunk)
15. King Princess – “Cursed” (Hold On Baby)
16. Lean Year – “End” (Sides)
17. Pedro the Lion – “First Drum Set” (Havasu)
18. Built to Spill – “Fool’s Gold” (When the Wind Forgets Your Name)
19. Marina Allen – “Getting Better” (Centrifics)
20. Weyes Blood – “A Given Thing” (And in the Darkness, Hearts Aglow)
21. Nina Nastasia – “Go Away” (Riderless Horse)
22. caroline – “Good morning (red)” (caroline)
23. Weyes Blood – “Grapevine” (And in the Darkness, Hearts Aglow)
24. Weyes Blood – “Hearts Aglow” (And in the Darkness, Hearts Aglow)
25. S.G. Goodman – “Heart Swell” (Teeth Marks)
26. Horsegirl – “Homage to Birdnoculars” (Versions of Modern Performance)
27. Joan Shelley – “Home” (The Spur)
28. Why Bonnie – “Hot Car” (90 in November)
29. Dear Nora – “human futures” (human futures)
30. Mo Troper – “I Fall Into Her Arms” (MTV)
31. The Dears – “I Know What You’re Thinking and It’s Awful” (Return to Lovers Rock)
32. Horse Jumper of Love – “I Put a Crown on You” (Natural Part)
33. Julie Doiron & Dany Placard – “I Remember Being Home” (Julie & Dany)
34. Weyes Blood – “It’s Not Just You, It’s Everybody” (And in the Darkness, Hearts Aglow)
35. Sister Ray – “I Want to Be Your Man” (Communion)
36. Destroyer- “The Last Song” (Labyrinthitis)
37. Plains – “Line of Sight” (I Walked with You a Ways)
38. Regina Spektor – “Loveology” (Home, before and after)
39. Julia Jacklin – “Magic” (PRE PLEASURE)
40. GOON – “Maple Dawn” (Hour of Green Evening)
41. Sick Day – “Meet Me at the Park” (Love Is a State of Mind)
42. THICK – “Montreal” (Happy Now)
43. Dear Nora – “mothers and daughters” (human futures)
44. Momma – “No Bite” (Household Name)
45. Knifeplay – “Nobody” (Animal Drowning)
46. Say Sue Me – “Now I Say” (The Last Thing Left)
47. Shannen Moser – “Oh My God” (The Sun Still Seems to Move)
48. Regina Spektor – “One Man’s Prayer” (Home, before and after)
49. Shannen Moser – “Paint By #” (The Sun Still Seems to Move)
50. Babehoven – “Pockets” (Light Moving Time)
51. Launder – “Rust” (Happening)
52. Skullcrusher – “(secret instrumental)” (Quiet the Room)
53. Tenci – “Shapeshifter” (A Swollen River, A Well Overflowing)
54. MJ Lenderman – “Six Flags” (Boat Songs)
55. Grass Jaw – “Start Over” (Circles)
56. Frankie Cosmos – “Street View” (Inner World Peace)
57. Angel Olsen – “This Is How It Works” (Big Time)
58. Nina Nastasia – “This Is Love” (Riderless Horse)
59. Julianna Riolino – “Thistle and Thorned” (All Blue)
60. MJ Lenderman – “TLC Cagematch” (Boat Songs)
61. Widowspeak – “True Blue” (The Jacket)
62. Babehoven – “Twenty Dried Chilies” (Sunk)
63. Tenci – “Two Cups” (A Swollen River, A Well Overflowing)
64. MJ Lenderman – “Under Control” (Boat Songs)
65. Teen Suicide – “unwanted houseguest” (honeybee table at the butterfly feast)
66. Aldous Harding – “Warm Chris” (Warm Chris)
67. Babehoven – “Twenty Dried Chilies” (Sunk)
68. Dehd – “Window” (Blue Skies)
69. Pictoria Vark – “Wyoming” (The Parts I Dread)
70. Skullcrusher – “You Are My House” (Quiet the Room)

Scream (The Best “Fast” Tracks of 2022):

1. Surrounder – “Andrew’s Nervous Tick” (Timebomb at the Gala)
2. Horsegirl – “Anti-glory” (Versions of Modern Performances)
3. Sunflower Bean – “Baby Don’t Cry” (Headful of Sugar)
4. Porridge Radio – “Back to the Radio” (Waterslide, Diving Board, Ladder to the Sky)
5. Horsegirl – “Beautiful Song” (Versions of Modern Performances)
6. Launder – “Blue Collar” (Happening)
7. Surrounder – “Capitalism” (Structural Mercy)
8. Black Country, New Road – “Chaos Space Marine” (Ants From Up There)
9. Danger Mouse & Black Thought – “Cheat Codes” (Cheat Codes)
10. Pool Kids – “Conscious Uncoupling” (Pool Kids)
11. Danger Mouse & Black Thought – “The Darkest Part” (Cheat Codes)
12. Teens in Trouble – “Decomposing” (Teens in Trouble)
13. Horsegirl – “Dirtbag Transformation (Still Dirty)” (Versions of Modern Performances)
14. Dry Cleaning – “Don’t Press Me” (Stumpwork)
15. Kal Marks – “Everybody Hertz” (My Name Is Hell)
16. Oso Oso – “fly on the wall” (sore thumb)
17. Kal Marks – “The Future” (My Name Is Hell)
18. Say Sue Me – “George & Janice” (The Last Thing Left)
19. Built to Spill – “Gonna Lose” (When the Wind Forgets Your Name)
20. SASAMI – “The Greatest” (Squeeze)
21. MJ Lenderman – “Hangover Game” (Boat Songs)
22. Romero – “Happy Hour” (Turn It On!)
23. S.G. Goodman – “The Heart of It” (Teeth Marks)
24. THICK – “Her Chapstick” (Happy Now)
25. Sweet Pill – “High Hopes” (Where the Heart Is)
26. Meat Wave – “Honest Living” (Malign Hex)
27. Superchunk – “If You’re Not Dark” (Wild Loneliness)
28. Teens in Trouble – “I’m Not Worried” (Teens in Trouble)
29. The Dears – “Instant Nightmare!” (Return to Lovers Rock)
30. The Beths – “I Told You That I Was Afraid” (Expert in a Dying Field)
31. THICK – “I Wish 2016 Never Happened” (Happy Now)
32. Julie Doiron & Dany Placard – “Jean-Talon Market” (Julie & Dany)
33. ME REX – “Jupiter Pluvius” (Plesiosaur)
34. The Beths – “Knees Deep” (Expert in a Dying Field)
35. ME REX – “Lager Door” (Plesiosaur)
36. Sorry – “Let the Lights On” (Anywhere But Here)
37. King Princess – “Let Us Die” (Hold On Baby)
38. Julianna Riolino – “Lone Ranger” (All Blue)
39. Grace Ives – “Loose” (Janky Star)
40. THICK – “Loser” (Happy Now)
41. Frankie Cosmos – “Magnetic Personality” (Inner World Peace)
42. SASAMI – “Make It Right” (Squeeze)
43. PUP – “Matilda” (THE UNRAVELING OF PUPTHEBAND)
44. Tropical Fuck Storm – “Moonburn” (Moonburn)
45. Kal Marks – “My Life Is a Freak Show” (My Name Is Hell)
46. Mamalarky – “Mythical Bonds” (Pocket Fantasy)
47. Bill Callahan – “Natural Information” (YTI⅃AƎЯ)
48. Romero – “Neapolitan” (Turn It On!)
49. Dehd – “No Difference” (Blue Skies)
50. Oso Oso – “nothing to do” (sore thumb)
51. Poster Paints – “Number 1” (Poster Paints)
52. Tigers Jaw – “Old Clothes” (Old Clothes)
53. Beach Bunny – “Oxygen” (Emotional Creatures)
54. Launder – “Parking Lot” (Happening)
55. Mo Troper – “Play Dumb” (MTV)
56. Alvvays – “Pomeranian Spinster” (Blue Rev)
57. Plains – “Problem With It” (I Walked with You a Ways)
58. Knifeplay – “Promise” (Animal Drowning)
59. Surrounder – “(Rage Song)” (Structural Mercy)
60. Meat Wave – “Ridiculous Car” (Malign Hex)
61. ME REX – “Sacred Cancer” (Plesiosaur)
62. Surrounder – “Service” (Structural Mercy)
63. Grace Ives – “Shelly” (Janky Star)
64. The Beths – “Silence Is Golden” (Expert in a Dying Field)
65. Surrounder – “Someone Press Snooze on the Brain Alarm” (Timebomb at the Gala)
66. Built to Spill – “Spiderweb” (When the Wind Forgets Your Name)
67. Sick Day – “Stars Shining Over Me” (Loves Is a State of Mind)
68. BODEGA – “Statuette on the Console” (Broken Equipment)
69. Romero – “Talk About It” (Turn It On!)
70. Jeanines – “That’s Okay” (Don’t Wait for a Sign)
71. THICK – “Wants & Needs” (Happy Now)
72. Field Medic – “weekends” (grow your hair long if you’re wanting to see something you can change)
73. Skullcrusher – “Whatever Fits Together” (Quiet the Room)
74. Sweet Pill – “Where the Heart Is” (Where the Heart Is)
75. Dust Star – “Work It Out” (Open Up That Heart)
76. Teen Suicide – “you can’t blame me” (honeybee table at the butterfly feast)
77. MJ Lenderman – “You Have Bought Yourself a Boat” (Boat Songs)
78. Cinema Hearts – “Your Ideal” (Your Ideal)
79. The Smile – “You Will Never Work in Television Again” (A Light for Attracting Attention)

Whisper

Scream

Well, that’ll do it for 2022. With that, I now ask that you do the following four things:

1. In the comments section, let me know your picks for the best songs, records, and anything else music of 2022. What did I miss? What do you violently disagree with? What are you wholeheartedly in agreement with? What the hell else?
2. Should you choose to (or if you have already) put together a Best of 2022 playlist of your own, by all means send me a copy, or at the very least a track listing. I’ll do my best to post them on my blog.
3. If you’re feeling nostalgic, go back and check out my Best of… mixes from years’ past. There’s a shit-ton of them.
4. You’ve got Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, TikTok and 7 billion other social media outlets at your disposal. Share this with the world, even if you only have two followers

Until the Best of 2023, have at it, you vultures!

BD

Yeah, yeah. It’s nearly March. Look, I’ve got a lot of drinking to do, so leave me alone.

As has been the case over the last few years, I’ve curated two long-play Spotify playlists (yes, I’m still using Spotify despite their bullshit) representing the best “fast” and “slow” tracks of 2021. There is no intentional transition from song to song; rather, they’re simply alphabetized by artist. Additionally, some artists appear more than once in each playlist, which is something I’ve not done previously. At this point, I just wanted to finish the damn project. I should note that the opening and closing “instrumentals” on both playlists are purposely placed, as I goddamn love an instrumental number at the start and end of a mix. The playlists comprise 64 and 69 (heh-heh) songs, respectively.

I listened to a shit-ton of music this year, as I’ve been working from home for nearly two years now. As was the case in 2020, I don’t know how many albums came out that I would consider “great” records, but, as always, there were certainly a few standouts. It was a dynamite year for EPs, actually. Maybe that’s just my inability to concentrate on long-form projects these days. Don’t forget to comment below to let me know your 20201 favorites.

With that, let’s get into it . . .

Album Cover of the Year:

Home Is Where – I Became Birds

Song of the Year:

Indigo De Souza – “Kill Me”

Song We All Need Right Now:

Charles Spearin – “Unsolicited Advice”

Top 20 Records of 2021:

20. Charles Spearin – My City of Starlings
19. Dry Cleaning – New Long Leg
18. Wavves – Hideaway
17. Beach Bunny – Blame Game
16. Cub Scout Bowling Pins – Heaven Beats Iowa
15. Upper Wilds – Venus
14. Moontype – Bodies of Water
13. Lily Konigsberg – Lily We Need to Talk Now
12. Lael Neale – Acquainted with Night
11. Floating Room – Shima

10. Slothrust – Parallel Timeline

9. Kiwi Jr. – Cooler Returns

8. Dusted – III

7. Mo Troper – Dilettante

6. Indigo De Souza – My Heart Is an Open Field

5. Godspeed You! Black Emperor – G_d’s Pee AT STATE’S END!

4. Lowertown – The Gaping Mouth

3. Aeon Station – Observatory

2. Home Is Where – I Became Birds

1. Spirit Was – Heaven’s Just a Cloud

This full-length debut by Nick Corbo, formerly of the underappreciated LVL UP, was shocking. Why? Because I would have had no clue that a member of LVL UP could have been responsible for this record. The two projects are night and day, yet somehow both bands are great. This record is quiet and loud, yet mostly dark. It feels like an “appropriate” record for 2021 considering the shitshow that continues to have its way with us. At times, it feels like Corbo was inhabited by Pile or Kal Marks while riding shotgun with a robot, but then a string section appears?! It’s an absolutely gorgeous, wild record, one that will hold your attention while making you both uncomfortable and at ease. Bravo.

Again, there are no CDs (hard copies) this year. Your best bets are to A) listen to the Spotify playlist, or B) curate the playlists yourself in Apple Music, Spotify, or some other type of music app.

With that, I give you the 100 songs that comprise my 2020 playlists . . .

Coffee (The Best “Fast” Tracks of 2021):

1. Upper Wilds – “Love Song #10” (Venus)
2. Aeon Station – “Fade” (Observatory)
3. Aeon Station – “Better Love” (Observatory)
4. Bachelor – “Stay in the Car” (Doomin’ Sun)
5. Beach Bunny – “Good Girls (Don’t Get Used)” (Blame Game)
6. Cloud Nothings – “Nothing Without You” (The Shadow I Remember)
7. Cub Scout Bowling Pins – “Heaven Beats Iowa” (Heaven Beats Iowa)
8. Dry Cleaning – “Her Hippo” (New Long Leg)
9. Dummy – “Daffodils” (Mandatory Enjoyment)
10. The Effens – “Pavement Age” (Eventually)
11. Floating Room – “See You Around” (Shima)
12. Guided By Voices – “Margaret Middle School” (Earth Man Blues)
13. Guided By Voices – “My (Limited) Engagement” (It’s Not Them. It Couldn’t Be Them. It Is Them!)
14. Home Is Where – “Long Distance Conjoined Twins” (I Became Birds)
15. Illuminati Hotties – “Cheap Shoes” (Let Me Do One More)
16. Indigo De Souza – “Kill Me” (Any Shape You Take)
17. Julie Doiron – “Thought of You” (I Thought of You)
18. Kiwi Jr. – “Tyler” (Cooler Returns)
19. Kiwi Jr. – “Maid Marian’s Toast” (Cooler Returns)
20. Kiwi Jr. – “Nashville Wedding” (Cooler Returns)
21. Lala Lala – “DIVER” (I Want the Door to Open)
22. Laura Stevenson – “Sandstorm” (Laura Stevenson)
23. Lily Konigsberg – “Proud Home” (Lily We Need to Talk Now)
24. Lucy Dacus – “First Time” (Home Video)
25. Madi Diaz – “Think of Me” (History of a Feeling)
26. Makthaverskan – “This Time” (För Allting)
27. Makthaverskan – “Tomorrow” (För Allting)
28. Mannequin Pussy – “To Lose You” (Perfect)
29. Meat Wave – “Tugboat” (Volcano Park)
30. Moontype – “Anti-Divinity” (Bodies of Water)
31. Moontype – “Your Mom” (Bodies of Water)
32. Mo Troper – “The Expendables Ride Again” (Dilettante)
33. Mo Troper – “Better Than That” (Dilettante)
34. Mo Troper – “Armpit” (Dilettante)
35. Nana Yamato – “If” (Before Sunrise)
36. Palberta – “The Way That You Do” (Palberta5000)
37. Parquet Courts – “Homo Sapien” (Sympathy for Life)
38. Pet Fox – “Imagine Why” (More Than Anything)
39. Pom Poko – “Like a Lady” (Cheater)
40. Pom Pom Squad – “Crying” (Death of a Cheerleader)
41. Provoker – “Blue Sheen” (Body Jumper)
42. Really From – “Quirk” (Really From)
43. Remember Sports – “Pinky Ring” (Like a Stone)
44. Remember Sports – “Like a Stone” (Like a Stone)
45. Smol Data – “Last Call Indie Darlings” (Inconvenience Store)
46. Spirit Was – “I Saw the Wheel” (Heaven’s Just a Cloud)
47. Spurts – “Scrap” (The Long Haul)
48. Strand of Oaks – “Jimi & Stan” (In Heaven)
49. Surrounder – “Service”
50. They Might Be Giants – “Brontosaurus” (BOOK)
51. Tigers Jaw – “Cat’s Cradle” (I Won’t Care How You Remember Me)
52. Together Pangea – “Alabama” (DYE)
53. Together Pangea – “Cold Water” (DYE)
54. TORRES – “Don’t Go Puttin Wishes in My Head” (Thirstier)
55. Tune-Yards – “hypnotized” (sketchy.)
56. Waltzer – “I Don’t Wannna Die” (Time Traveler)
57. Wavves – “Thru Hell” (Hideaway)
58. Wavves – “Hideaway” (Hideaway)
59. Weakened Friends – “Bargain Bin” (Quitter)
60. The Weather Station – “Atlantic” (Ignorance)
61. The Weather Station – “Tried to Tell You” (Ignorance)
62. Wurld Series – “Nap Gate” (What’s Growing)
63. Wurld Series – “Moved In” (What’s Growing)
64. Godspeed You! Black Emperor – “Cliffs Gaze / gliffs’ gaze at empty waters’ rise / ASHES TO SEA or NEARER TO THEE” (G_d’s Pee AT STATE’S END!)

Booze (The Best “Slow” Tracks of 2021):

1. yes/and – “In My Heaven All Faucets Are Fountains” (yes/and)
2. Aeon Station – “Leaves” (Observatory)
3. Alex Somers – “Between Us” (Siblings)
4. Beach Bunny – “Nice Guys” (Blame Game)
5. Cassandra Jenkins – “The Ramble” (An Overview on Phenomenal Nature)
6. Charles Spearin – “Unsolicited Advice”
7. Clap Your Hands Say Yeah – “If I Were More Like Jesus” (New Fragility)
8. Clever Girls – “Lavender” (Constellations)
9. Dusted – “Baseball” (III)
10. Dusted – “Cedar Tree” (III)
11. Dusted – “Mountain Top” (III)
12. Explosions in the Sky – “Chisos” (Big Bend)
13. Floating Room – “Firetruck” (Shima)
14. Fog Lake – “Crocodile” (Tragedy Reel)
15. Foxing – “737” (Draw Down the Moon)
16. Francis of Delirium – “Lakes” (Red)
17. Half Waif – “Powder” (Mythopoetics)
18. Hand Habits – “4th of July” (dirt)
19. Hayley Williams – “Trigger” (FLOWERS for VASES / descansos)
20. Home Is Where – “The Old Country” (I Became Birds)
21. Hovvdy – “I Never Wanna Make You Sad” (True Love)
22. Illuminati Hotties – “Growth” (Let Me Do One More)
23. Indigo De Souza – “Way Out” (Any Shape You Take)
24. Julien Baker – “Heatwave” (Little Oblivions)
25. Kaley Rutledge – “Tender Heart” (Tender Heart)
26. Kaley Rutledge – “Baby, Get Your Hopes Up” (Tender Heart)
27. Karen Peris – “To the Library” (A Song Is Way Above the Lawn)
28. Karen Peris – “Flowers” (A Song Is Way Above the Lawn)
29. Katy Kirby – “Eyelids” (Cool Dry Place)
30. Katy Kirby – “Traffic!” (Cool Dry Place)
31. Kiwi Jr. – “Only Here for a Haircut” (Cooler Returns)
32. Lael Neale – “Every Star Shivers in the Dark” (Acquainted with Night)
33. Lael Neale – “Acquainted with Night” (Acquainted with Night)
34. Lael Neale – “For No One for Now” (Acquainted with Night)
35. La Luz – “Spider House” (La Luz)
36. Lande Hekt – “Whiskey” (Going to Hell)
37. Laura Stevenson – “State” (Laura Stevenson)
38. Lily Konigsberg – “That’s the Way I Like It” (Lily We Need to Talk Now)
39. Lowertown – “Clown Car” (The Gaping Mouth)
40. Lowertown – “The Gaping Mouth” (The Gaping Mouth)
41. Madi Diaz – “Nervous” (History of a Feeling)
42. Mannequin Pussy – “Darling” (Perfect)
43. Middle Kids – “Cellophane (Brain)” (Today We’re the Greatest)
44. Moontype – “When Will I Learn” (Bodies of Water)
45. Mo Troper – “The Perfect Song” (Dilettante)
46. Pom Pom Squad – “Second That” (Death of a Cheerleader)
47. Slothrust – “Cranium” (Parallel Timeline)
48. Slothrust – “Strange Astrology” (Parallel Timeline)
49. Slothrust – “Waiting” (Parallel Timeline)
50. Smol Data – “Dry Lightning” (Inconvenience Store)
51. Sour Widows – “Crossing Over” (Crossing Over)
52. Sour Widows – “Bathroom Stall” (Crossing Over)
53. Spirit Was – “Golden Soul” (Heaven’s Just a Cloud)
54. Spirit Was – “Come Back Up to the House” (Heaven’s Just a Cloud)
55. Spurts – “Interlude” (The Long Haul)
56. Squirrel Flower – “Iowa 146” (Planet (i))
57. Strand of Oaks – “Somewhere in Chicago” (In Heaven)
58. Sun June – “Karen O” (Somewhere)
59. Sun June – “Colors” (Somewhere)
60. Tele Novella – “Never” (Merlynn Belle)
61. Tele Novella – “Paper Crown” (Merlynn Belle)
62. They Might Be Giants – “I Broke My Own Rule” (BOOK)
63. TOLEDO – “Dog Has Its Day” (Dog Has Its Day)
64. Wednesday – “The Burned Down Dairy Queen” (Twin Plagues)
65. Wednesday – “Ghost of a Dog” (Twin Plagues)
66. Wolf Alice – “Safe From Heartbreak (if you never fall in love)” (Blue Weekend)
67. Wolf Alice – “The Last Man on Earth” (Blue Weekend)
68. Wurld Series – “Feeling Crushed” (What’s Growing)
69. Godspeed You! Black Emperor – “OUR SIDE HAS TO WIN (for D.H.)” (G_d’s Pee AT STATE’S END!)

Well, that’ll do it for 2021. With that, I now ask that you do the following four things:

1. In the comments section, let me know your picks for the best songs, records, and anything else music of 2021. What did I miss? What do you violently disagree with? What are you wholeheartedly in agreement with? What the hell else?
2. Should you choose to (or if you have already) put together a Best of 2021 playlist of your own, by all means send me a copy, or at the very least a track listing. I’ll do my best to post them on my blog.
3. If you’re feeling nostalgic, go back and check out my Best of… mixes from years’ past. There’s a shit-ton of them.
4. You’ve got Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and 7 billion other social media outlets at your disposal. Share this with the world, even if you only have two Twitter followers (and one of them is me).

Until the Best of 2022, have at it, you vultures!

BD

Yes, it’s awfully late. But to be fair, 2020 was one of the worst, most unpredictable years of our collective lifetime, so forgive my being tardy. As his been the case over the last few years, I’ve curated two long-play Spotify playlists representing the best “fast” and “slow” tracks of 2020. There is no intentional transition from song to song; rather, they’re simply alphabetized by artist. I should note, however, that the opening “instrumentals” on both playlists are intentionally placed, as I goddamn love an instrumental number at the start and end of a mix.

I listened to a shit-ton of music this year, as I’ve been working from home since March of 2020 (with zero intention of ever returning to my office). Initially, I was convinced that there wouldn’t be much music from which to parse, as how could there be with the pandemic?! In the end, though, bands/musicians did what bands/musicians do. Ultimately, I don’t know how many records came out in 2020 that I would consider “great” records, but there were certainly a few, particularly my number-one record of the year. Brilliant stuff.

With that, let’s get into it . . .

Album Cover of the Year:

Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher

Video of the Year:

Waxahatchee – “Lilacs”

Top 20 Records of 2020:

20. Sorespot – Gifts of Consciousness
19. Trace Mountains – Lost in the Country
18. Squirrel Flower – I Was Born Swimming
17. High Waisted – Sick of Saying Sorry
16. Cartalk – Pass Like Pollen
15. Phoebe Bridgers – Punisher
14. Mo Troper – Natural Beauty
13. Dehd – Flower of Devotion
12. Double Grave – Goodbye, Nowhere!
11. Beach Bunny – Honeymoon

10. Options – Wind’s Gonna Blow

9. Pool Holograph – Love Touched Time and Time Began to Sweat

8. Bartees Strange – Live Forever

7. Dan Deacon – Mystic Familiar

6. Tenci – My Heart Is an Open Field

5. Lomelda – Hannah

4. Taylor Swift – folklore

3. Gia Margaret – Mia Gargaret

2. En Attendant Ana – Juillet

1. Waxahatchee– Saint Cloud

Saint Cloud was released roughly two weeks into my self-imposed lockdown, with “Fire” being the record’s first single. I was stunned. I must have listened to it four or five times in a row. Here, after all, was Katie Crutchfield, a musician I’ve come to adore over the past decade, somehow reinventing herself. All of the articles and reviews that followed Saint Cloud‘s release delved into its origin stories, most notably Crutchfield’s newfound sobriety. This revelation pours through the album not only lyrically, but sonically. It feels “cleaner.” It feels stripped of effects and instead sounds like a singer/songwriter purging herself, making honest music, making amends. The record’s first four tracks–“Oxbow,” “Can’t Do Much,” “Fire” and “Lilacs”–are a four-song stretch as captivating as any I’ve heard in a long, long while. What’s more, it’s the first record she’s done without the involvement of her twin sister, Allison Crutchfield. “Hell” and “War” on side 2 are equally outstanding. This isn’t a record; it’s an American(a) experience. What a goddamn delight in a year of such terror and horror.

Again, there are no CDs (hard copies) this year. Your best bets are to A) listen to the Spotify playlist, or B) curate the playlists yourself in Apple Music, Spotify, or some other type of music app.

With that, I give you the 100 songs that comprise my 2020 playlists . . .

Fuck! (The Best “Fast” Tracks of 2020):

1. Dan Deacon – “Become a Mountain” (Mystic Familiar)
2. Alright – “Scraps” (I’m Doing This to Myself)
3. Archers of Loaf – “Raleigh Days” (single)
4. Bartees Strange – “Mustang” (Live Forever)
5. Beach Bunny – “Promises” (Honeymoon)
6. The Beths – “Don’t Go Away” (Jump Rope Gazers)
7. Bryde – “Hand It Over” (The Volume of Things)
8. Cartalk – “Wrestling” (Pass Like Pollen)
9. Country Westerns – “Anytime” (Country Westerns)
10. Dehd- “Flying” (Flower of Devotion)
11. Diet Cig – “Flash Flood” (Do You Wonder About Me?)
12. Disheveled Cuss – “She Don’t Want” (Disheveled Cuss)
13. Double Grave – “Whatever” (Goodbye, Nowhere!)
14. En Attendant Ana – “Do You Understand?” (Juillet)
15. Fenne Lily – “Alapathy” (BREACH)
16. Floating Room – “Held Open Door” (Tired and True)
17. Gladie – “When You Leave the Sun” (Safe Sins)
18. Grass Jaw – “The Garage” (Germs)
19. Guided By Voices – “Cul-De-Sac Kids” (Surrender Your Poppy Field)
20. Gulfer – “Nature Kids” (Gulfer)
21. Heart Bones – “This Time It’s Different” (Hot Dish)
22. High Waisted – “Modern Love” (Sick of Saying Sorry)
23. Hinds – “Riding Solo” (The Prettiest Curse)
24. Jeff Rosenstock – “Old Crap” (NO DREAM)
25. Land of Talk – “Look to You” (Indistinct Conversations)
26. Laura Jane Grace – “So Long, Farewell, Auf Wiedersehen, Fuck Off” (Stay Alive)
27. Lomelda – “Wonder” (Hannah)
28. Mamalarky – “Fury” (Mamalarky)
29. Melkbelly – “THC” (PITH)
30. Mo Troper – “Jas From Australia” (Natural Beauty)
31. Mourn – “Stay There” (Self Worth)
32. Muzz – “Knuckleduster” (Muzz)
33. No Age – “Agitating Moss” (Goons Be Gone)
34. Ohmme – “Selling Candy” (Fantasize Your Ghost)
35. Options – “Faster” (Wind’s Gonna Blow)
36. Phoebe Bridgers – “Kyoto” (Punisher)
37. Pool Holograph – “Deliverance” (Love Touched Time and Time Began to Sweat)
38. PUP – “Anaphylaxis” (This Place Sucks Ass EP)
39. Retirement Party – “Fire Blanket” (Runaway Dog)
40. Sorespot – “Potential for Growth” (Gifts of Consciousness)
41. Surfer Blood – “Unconditional” (Carefree Theatre)
42. Taylor Swift – “willow” (evermore)
43. Tetchy – “The Fool” (Hounds EP)
44. THICK – “Can’t Be Friends” (5 Years Behind)
45. Tosser – “Wishful Thinking” (Total Restraint)
46. Trace Mountains – “Cooper’s Dream” (Lost in the Country)
47. Waxahatchee – “War” (Saint Cloud)
48. Wolf Parade – “Under Glass” (Thin Mind)
49. Worriers – “What Comes Next?” (You or Someone You Know)
50. Caribou – “Home” (Suddenly)

Fuck. (The Best “Slow” Tracks of 2020):

1. Dan Deacon – “Weeping Birch” (Mystic Familiar)
2. Addy – “Eclipse” (Eclipse)
3. Anna Burch – “Can’t Sleep” (If You’re Dreaming)
4. Bartees Strange – “Far” (Live Forever)
5. Beach Bunny – “Rearview” (Honeymoon)
6. The Big Moon – “It’s Easy Then” (Walking Like We Do)
7. Cartalk – “Las Manos” (Pass Like Pollen)
8. Damien Jurado – “Birds Tricked into the Trees” (What’s New, Tomboy?)
9. A Deer A Horse – “What If I Was” (single)
10. Dehd- “Desire” (Flower of Devotion)
11. Diet Cig – “Stare into the Sun” (Do You Wonder About Me?)
12. Double Grave – “Slime” (Goodbye, Nowhere!)
13. En Attendant Ana – “The Light That Slept Inside” (Juillet)
14. Fenne Lily – “I, Neitzsche” (BREACH)
15. Floating Room – “Dancer” (Tired and True)
16. Frances Quinlan – “Your Reply” (Likewise)
17. Galore – “Silence” (Galore)
18. Grass Jaw – “Mistakes” (Germs)
19. High Waisted – “Burdens” (Sick of Saying Sorry)
20. illuminati hotties – “free dumb” (FREE I.H.: This Is Not the One You’ve Been Waiting For)
21. Inventions – “Saw You in a Movie” (Continuous Portrait)
22. Jess Cornelius – “No Difference” (Distance)
23. Julianna Barwick – “Oh, Memory” (Healing Is a Miracle)
24. Katie Von Schleicher – “You Remind Me” (Consummation)
25. Knot – “Space and Time” (Knot)
26. Land of Talk – “Diaphanous” (Indistinct Conversations)
27. Laura Jane Grace – “Icbre Cream Song” (Stay Alive)
28. Lily Konigsberg – “At Best” (It’s Just Like All the Clouds)
29. Lomelda – “It’s Lomelda” (Hannah)
30. Mo Troper – “I Eat” (Natural Beauty)
31. Muzz – “Red Western Sky” (Muzz)
32. Nothing – “Catch a Fade” (The Great Dismal)
33. Ohmme – “Flood Your Gut” (Fantasize Your Ghost)
34. Options – “Born” (Wind’s Gonna Blow)
35. Phoebe Bridgers – “I Know the End” (Punisher)
36. Pool Holograph – “Stranger” (Love Touched Time and Time Began to Sweat)
37. Ratboys – “Victorian Sunshine” (Printer’s Devil)
38. Retirement Party – “Old Age” (Runaway Dog)
39. Skullcrusher – “Places/Plan” (Skullcrusher EP)
40. somegirlnamedanna – “hello i am” (twenty one, twenty two)
41. Sorespot – “Economy Doors” (Gifts of Consciousness)
42. Squirrel Flower – “Red Shoulder” (I Was Born Swimming)
43. Surfer Blood – “Dewar” (Carefree Theatre)
44. Taylor Swift – “seven” (folklore)
45. Tenci – “My Heart Is an Open Field” (My Heart Is an Open Field)
46. Tetchy – “The World” (Hounds EP)
47. Trace Mountains – “Turn to Blue” (Lost in the Country)
48. Wares – “Tall Girl” (Survival)
49.Waxahatchee – “Fire” (Saint Cloud)
50. Gia Margaret – “body” (Mia Gargaret)

Well, that’ll do it for 2020. With that, I now ask that you do the following four things:

1. In the comments section, let me know your picks for the best songs, records, and anything else music of 2020. What did I miss? What do you violently disagree with? What are you wholeheartedly in agreement with? What the hell else?
2. Should you choose to (or if you have already) put together a Best of 2020 playlist of your own, by all means send me a copy, or at the very least a track listing. I’ll do my best to post them on my blog.
3. If you’re feeling nostalgic, go back and check out my Best of… mixes from years’ past. There’s a shit-ton of them.
4. You’ve got Twitter, Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and 7 billion other social media outlets at your disposal. Share this with the world, even if you only have two Twitter followers (and one of them is me).

Until the Best of 2021, have at it, you vultures!

BD

As now has become customary, rather than creating two CD-length mixes, I’ve curated two long-play Spotify playlists representing the best “fast” and “slow” tracks of 2019. There is no intentional transition from song to song; rather, they’re simply alphabetized by artist. One twist this year is that I only chose songs from my top 20 records (one fast, one slow), resulting in two 20-song playlists.

Right up front, I’ll say this about 2019: it wasn’t my favorite year for music. I listened to a lot–a LOT–or records this year, and frankly not many really stuck with me. Maybe there’s just too much music to cull through anymore, thanks to Spotify, Bandcamp, et al. Putting together my “Best of . . .” playlists used to be more thoughtful, I suppose, in that I simply didn’t have access to anything, and curated my picks based on endless listening of a much smaller collection of music. Now? It’s fucking endless.

With that, here’s a sneak preview: Three EPs appear in my top 20; three Pop records made my list; a ton of female vocalists led the way; and I made good on a mistake I made two years ago. But I’ll get to all of that . . .

Album Covers of the Year:

Lizzo – Cuz I Love You

Mike Krol – Power Chords

Top 20 Records of 2019:

20. Kal Marks – Let the Shit House Burn Down EP (Exploding in Sound)
19. King Princess – Cheap Queen (Zelig)
18. An Horse – Modern Air (Grand Hotel van Cleef)
17. Bill Callahan – Shepherd in a Sheepskin Vest (Drag City)
16. Frankie Cosmos – Close It Quietly (Sub Pop)
15. PUP – Morbid Stuff (Rise)
14. Cult Film – Mona EP (Devil Down Tapes)
13. Girlpool – What Chaos Is Imaginary (Anti)
12. Lizzo – Cuz I Love You (Nice Life/Atlantic)
11. Mike Krol – Power Chords (Merge)

10. Weyes Blood – Titanic Rising (Sub Pop)

9. Queen of Jeans – If you’re not afraid, I’m not afraid (Topshelf Records)

8. Stef Chura – Midnight (Saddle Creek)

7. Mannequin Pussy – Patience (Epitaph)

6. Charly Bliss – Young Enough (Barsuk)

5. Taylor Swift – Lover (Republic)

4. Palehound – Black Friday (Polyvinyl)

3. Big Thief – Two Hands (4AD)

2. Purple Mountains – Purple Mountains (Drag City)

1. Surrounder – Impossible Exchange EP

Last year I awarded the number one slot to An Attendant Ana, and I stand by that choice. The error, however, came in 2017, really, as I hadn’t heard Surrounder’s first record. So, Surrounder’s Surrpiounder got some gloss last year as the record I listened to more than anything else. This year, though, I made good. There is no record I listened to more consistently in 2019 than Surrounder’s Impossible Exchange (shout-out Jean Baudrillard). With their new drummer, Eric Moeller, in tow, Carrie Leigh Rogers and Ty Cummings put out six perfect songs that played over and over and over again on each and every device I owned. Hard to believe that six songs could continuously sound so fresh with each listen, but, alas, they pulled it off. What’s more, I got to put on my first-ever live show this past August, headlined by none other than Surrounder themselves (pics below). The three of them couldn’t have been sweeter, and they couldn’t have kicked more ass. Small-ish band? Maybe. But I implore you to get on board ASA & P. They’re too good, too political, and too important not to support but quick.

Again, there are no CDs (hard copies) this year. Your best bets are to A) listen to the Spotify playlist, or B) curate the playlists yourself in Apple Music, Spotify, or some other type of music app. Below are songs taken solely from the 20 records above.

With that, I give you the 40 songs that comprise my 2019 playlists . . .

Infinite (The Best “Fast” Tracks of 2019):

1. Kal Marks – “Nu Legs”
2. King Princess – “Cheap Queen”
3. An Horse – “This Is a Song”
4. Bill Callahan – “Call Me Anything”
5. Frankie Cosmos – “So Blue”
6. PUP – “Kids”
7. Cult Film – “Bored to Death”
8. Girlpool – “Hire”
9. Lizzo – “Cuz I Love You”
10. Mike Krol – “An Ambulance”
11. Weyes Blood – “Everyday”
12. Queen of Jeans – “All the Same”
13. Stef Chura – “Degrees”
14. Mannequin Pussy – “Who You Are”
15. Charly Bliss – “Capacity”
16. Taylor Swift – “The Man”
17. Palehound – “Aaron”
18. Big Thief – “Not”
19. Purple Mountains – “All My Happiness Is Gone”
20. Surrounder – “Potshot”

Finite (The Best “Slow” Tracks of 2019):

1. Kal Marks – “Science Is Science”
2. King Princess – “Homegirl”
3. An Horse – “Breakfast”
4. Bill Callahan – “What Comes After Certainty”
5. Frankie Cosmos – “Rings (On a Tree)”
6. PUP – “Scorpion Hill”
7. Cult Film – “Your Thing”
8. Girlpool – “Pretty”
9. Lizzo – “Jerome”
10. Mike Krol – “What’s the Rhythm”
11. Weyes Blood – “Andromeda”
12. Queen of Jeans – “Take It All Away”
13. Stef Chura – “Love Song”
14. Mannequin Pussy – “High Horse”
15. Charly Bliss – “Young Enough”
16. Taylor Swift – “Lover”
17. Palehound – “Black Friday”
18. Big Thief – “Forgotten Eyes”
19. Purple Mountains – “Maybe I’m the Only One for Me”
20. Surrounder – “Put Everything Back When You’re Done”

Well, that’ll do it for 2019. With that, I now ask that you do the following four things:

1. In the comments section, let me know your picks for the best songs, records, and anything else music of 2019. What did I miss? What do you violently disagree with? What are you wholeheartedly in agreement with? What the hell else?
2. Should you choose to (or if you have already) put together a Best of 2019 playlist of your own, by all means send me a copy, or at the very least a track listing. I’ll do my best to post them on my blog.
3. If you’re feeling nostalgic, go back and check out my Best of… mixes from years’ past. There’s a shit-ton of them.
4. You’ve got Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and 7 billion other social media outlets at your disposal. Share this with the world, even if you only have two Twitter followers (and one of them is me).

Until the Best of 2020, have at it, you vultures!

BD

Because I liked the freedom it gave me last year, I’m sticking with the same “Best of…” format for 2018. That’s right: two playlists that no longer conform to the length of a compact disc, because who in the hell listens to CDs anymore anyway?! (Incidentally, I have a boom box and a huge CD collection at home, so I guess I’ve answered my own question.)

So, again, rather than creating two CD-length mixes, I’ve curated two long-play Spotify playlists representing the best “fast” and “slow” tracks of 2018. There is no intentional transition from song to song; rather, they’re simply alphabetized. (I should once again note that they are alphabetized by an artists for name, because Spotify is Spotify. Therefore, artists like Kristin Hersh are alphabetized by “K.”) I did, however, make sure to include no more than a single song by an artist on each playlist.

In general, I’m not sure how I would classify the music I most enjoyed in 2018. I listened to so many songs by so many bands that I couldn’t keep it straight at times. A lot of records just sort of blended into the next. And while there were some albums that I loved instantly, many didn’t hit me quite as hard after a single listen. Slow burns, I suppose.

Also, the best record I heard in 2018? It was released in 2017. Fuck. But I’ll get to that…

Album Cover of the Year:

Heart Bones – “Little Dancer” (single)

Record I Think I Like Despite Having No Idea What to Make of It Because It’s Raucous as All Hell:

The Armed – Only Love (Throat Ruiner)

Top 20 Records of 2018:

20. Doe – Grow Into It (Topshelf Records)
19. Pllush – Stranger to the Pain (Father/Daughter Records)
18. Say Sue Me – Where We Were Together (Damnably)
17. Camp Cope – How to Socialise & Make Friends (Run for Cover)
16. Superchunk – What a Tine to Be Alive (Merge)
15. The Beths – Future Me Hates Me (Carpark)
14. Mitski – Be the Cowboy (Dead Oceans)
13. Hop Along – Bark Your Head Off, Dog (Saddle Creek)
12. Weakened Friends – Common Blah (Don Giovanni)
11. The Breeders – All Nerve (4AD)

10. Forth Wanderers – Forth Wanderers (Sub Pop)

9. Remember Sports – Slow Buzz (Father/Daughter Records)

8. Frankie Cosmos – Vessel (Sub Pop)

7. Swearin’ – Fall into the Sun (Merge)

6. gobbinjr – ocala wick (Topshelf Records)

5. Car Seat Headrest – Twin Fantasy (Matador)

4. Connections – Foreign Affairs (Trouble In Mind Records)

3. Slothrust – The Pact (Dangerbird Records)

2. Kal Marks – Universal Care (Exploding In Sound Records)

1. En Attendant Ana – Lost and Found (Trouble In Mind Records)

I listened to Lost and Found over and over and over again. I simply couldn’t get enough of it. A perfect, beautiful album from a Parisian band. Every listen felt fresh and new. Before 2018, I had never even heard of En Attendant Ana, and now I couldn’t imagine not gobbling up everything they put out. This 10-song collection is pretty much perfect, from its opening track (fittingly titled “Intro”) to album closer “I Don’t Even Know Your Name.” In the middle of the record stands what is arguably my favorite song of the year (if not for Connections’ “Cynthia Ann”), “Why Is Your Body So Hard to Carry?” The back-and-forth male/female vocals over a steady guitar riff and the cymbal crash at the two-minute mark is both sweet and exciting all at once. Maybe it makes the most sense of all that my favorite record of 2018 was released by a non-American band, and it stands as a reminder of what a shitshow this country has become, while beauty thrives elsewhere.

Album that Would Have Been “Album of the Year,” Hands Down, Had It Been Released in 2018 (Rather Than 2017):

Surrounder – Surrpiounder (Crash Ride Records)

Surrpiounder was, by far, the best record I listened to this year. (Shout out to Steven from Heartbreaking Bravery for drawing this band to my attention.) I interacted with them several times via Facebook to extend my praise, only to (sadly) discover that they have since broken up. What a goddamn shame. They ripped it up but good. Political, smart, catchy, fun. This record has everything.

Again, there are no CDs (hard copies) this year. Your best bets are to a) listen to the Spotify playlist, or b) curate the playlists yourself in iTunes, Spotify, or some other type of music app. There are entirely too many songs below for me to link to all of them, so do yourselves a favor and listen to the playlists. Put the work in yourselves.

With that, I give you the 148 songs (yes, 148 songs!) that comprise my 2018 playlists…

Sober (The Best “Slow” Tracks of 2018):

1. Adrian Teacher and the Subs – “Anxious Love” (Anxious Love)
2. Bent Denim – “Downtown el Fenix” (Town & Country)
3. Bodies Be Rivers – “You Couldn’t Tell” (Things I’ll Tell You When You’re Older)
4. Bonny Doon – “A Lotta Things” (Longwave)
5. Born Ruffians – “Forget Me” (Uncle, Duck & The Chief)
6. The Breeders – “Blues at the Acropolis” (All Nerve)
7. Camp Cope – “The Opener” (How to Socialise & Make Friends)
8. Car Seat Headrest – “Stop Smoking (We Love You)” (Twin Fantasy)
9. Connections – “Something Else” (Foreign Affairs)
10. Cool American – “Happy You Said It” (Better Luck Next Year, Vol 3 EP)
11. Courtney Barnett – “Need a Little Time” (Tell Me How You Really Feel)
12. Dear Nora – “Creature of Habit” (Skulls Example)
13. didi – “moon jelly” (Like Memory Foam)
14. Dilly Dally – “Sober Motel” (Heaven)
15. Doe – “Even Fiction” (Grow Into It)
16. Dr. Dog – “Critical Equation” (Critical Equation)
17. Dusk – “Leaf” (Dusk)
18. Dusted – “Dead Eyes” (Blackout Summer)
19. Eleanor Friedberger – “Rule of Action” (Rebound)
20. En Attendant Ana – “The Violence Inside” (Lost and Found)
21. Ex-Vöid – “Boyfriend” (Ex-Vöid single)
22. Fenne Lily – “On Hold” (On Hold)
23. Fog Lake – “Dinosaur” (Captain)
24. Forth Wanderers – “Temporary” (Forth Wanderers)
25. Frankie Cosmos – “Vessel” (Vessel)
26. Fucked Up – “Normal People” (Dose Your Dreams)
27. Gabby’s World – “Eyes for You” (Beast on Beast)
28. Girlpool – “Hire” (Hire)
29. gobbinjr – “Sorry Charlie” (ocala wick)
30. Grandaddy – “Bison on the Plains” (Bison on the Plains single)
31. Haley Heynderickx – “Jo” (I Need to Start a Garden)
32. Heart Bones – “Disappearer” (Disappearer single)
33. Holy Motors – “Silently for Me” (Slow Sundown)
34. Hop Along – “How Simple” (Bark Your Head Off, Dog)
35. Hovvdy – “Petal” (Cranberry)
36. Illuminati Hotties – “For Cheez (My Friend, Not the Food)” (Kiss Yr Frenemies)
37. Interbellum – “Another Day” (Dead Pets, Old Griefs)
38. Jogging House – “Eyes” (Would)
39. Julien Baker, Phoebe Bridges, Lucy Dacus* – “Bite the Hand” (boygenius EP)
40. Kal Marks – “Today I Walked Down to the Tree, Read a Book, and When I Was Done, I Went Back Inside” (Universal Care)
41. Katie Ellen – “Still Life” (Still Life EP)
42. Kississippi – “Once Good” (Sunset Blush)
43. Long Neck – “Matriarch” (Will This Do?)
44. Lucy Dacus – “Nonbeliever” (Historian)
45. Mitski – “Old Friend” (Be the Cowboy)
46. Momma – “Belong on the Bed” (Interloper)
47. Mount Eerie – “Tintin in Tibet” (Now Only EP)
48. Mutual Benefit – “No Dominion” (Thunder Follows the Light)
49. Nap Eyes – “I’m Bad” (I’m Bad Now)
50. Neko Case – “Winnie” (Hell-On)
51. Nothing – “Zero Day” (Dance on the Blacktop)
52. The Ophelias – “Fog” (Almost)
53. Options – “Wash” (Vivid Trace)
54. Ovlov – “Spright” (TRU)
55. Palehound – “YMCA Pool” (YMCA Pool single)
56. Peach Kelli Pop – “Honey” (Gentle Leader)
57. Pedro the Lion – “Yellow Bike” (Yellow Bike single)
58. Pipsy – “Geek” (Users)
59. Pllush – “Elliot” (Stranger to the Pain)
60. Puppy Problems – “Comfortable” (Sunday Feeling)
61. Remember Sports – “Unwell” (Slow Buzz)
62. Sam Evian – “Now I Feel It” (You, Forever)
63. Say Sue Me – “Let It Begin” (Where We Were Together)
64. Slothrust – “Birthday Cake” (The Pact)
65. Snail Mail – “Stick” (Lush)
66. So Stressed – “Onion Paper” (Pale Lemon)
67. Soccer Mommy – “Last Girl” (Clean)
68. Special Explosion – “Fire” (To Infinity)
69. Squirrel Flower – “Not Your Prey” (Contact Sports)
70. Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks – “Middle America” (Sparkle Hard)
71. Superchunk – “Erasure” (What a Time to Be Alive)
72. Surrounder – “Spent” (Lawn Chairs // Surrounder split)
73. Swearin’ – “Treading” (Fall into the Sun)
74. They Might Be Giants – “The Greatest” (I Like Fun)
75. Tomberlin – “Untitled 1” (At Weddings)
76. Trace Mountains – “A Partner to Lean On” (A Partner to Lean On)
77. Weakened Friends – “Not Doing Good” (Common Blah)
78. Yo La Tengo – “You Are Here” (There’s a Riot Going On)
79. Yowler – “Petals” (Black Dog in My Path)

Drunk (The Best “Fast” Tracks of 2018):

1. Adrian Teacher and the Subs – “Pop Medicine” (Anxious Love)
2. The Armed – “Witness” (Only Love)
3. The Beths – “Great No One” (Future Me Hates Me)
4. Born Ruffians – “Miss You” (Uncle, Duck & The Chief)
6. The Breeders – “Wait in the Car” (All Nerve)
7. Camp Cope – “How to Socialise & Make Friends” (How to Socialise & Make Friends)
8. Car Seat Headrest – “Bodys” (Twin Fantasy)
9. Connections – “Cynthia Ann” (Foreign Affairs)
10. Cool American – “Every Little Favor” (Better Luck Next Year, Vol 3 EP)
11. Courtney Barnett – “Crippling Self Doubt and a General Lack of Self Confidence” (Tell Me How You Really Feel)
12. didi – “haru” (Like Memory Foam)
13. The Dodos – “Forum” (Certainly Waves)
14. Doe – “Labour Like I Do” (Grow Into It)
15. Dream Wife – “Somebody” (Dream Wife)
16. Dusted – “Five Hundred and Four” (Blackout Summer)
17. Eleanor Friedberger – “Make Me a Song” (Rebound)
18. En Attendant Ana – “Why Is Your Body So Hard to Carry?” (Lost and Found)
19. Ex-Vöid – “(Angry at You) Baby” (Ex-Vöid single)
20. Forth Wanderers – “Not for Me” (Forth Wanderers)
21. Frankie Cosmos – “Being Alive” (Vessel)
22. Fucked Up – “None of Your Business Man” (Dose Your Dreams)
23. GRLwood – “Wet” (Daddy)
24. Gulfer – “Secret Stuff” (Dog Bless)
25. HAVVK – “Always the Same” (Always the Same)
26. Heart Bones – “Little Dancer” (Little Dancersingle)
27. Hit Bargain – “Capitulate” (Potential Maximizer)
28. Hop Along – “What the Writer Meant” (Bark Your Head Off, Dog)
29. Hot Snakes – “I Need a Doctor” (Jericho Sirens)
30. Illuminati Hotties – “Shape of My Hands” (Kiss Yr Frenemies)
31. Jeff Rosenstock – “Yr Throat” (Post-)
32. Kal Marks – “Universal Care” (Universal Care)
33. Katie Ellen – “Adaptation of Para Todos” (Still Life EP)
34. Kississippi – “Rinse, Repeat” (Sunset Blush)
35. Liza Anne – “Small Talks” (Fine But Dying)
36. Lonely Parade – “Not Nice” (The Pits)
37. Long Neck – “Mine/Yours” (Will This Do?)
38. LOOSE – “Bruce” (Haircut EP)
39. Mike Krol – “An Ambulance” (An Ambulance/Never Know single)
40. Mitski – “A Pearl” (Be the Cowboy)
41. Mourn – “Epilogue” (Sorpresa Familia)
42. Muncie Girls – “Jeremy” (Fixed Ideals EP)
43. No Age – “Tidal” (Snares Like a Haircut)
44. Nothing – “You Wind Me Up” (Dance on the Blacktop)
45. Options – “Knocked” (Vivid Trace)
46. Ovlov – “Stick” (TRU)
47. Palehound – “Sea of Blood” (YMCA Pool single)
48. Parquet Courts – “Almost Had to Start a Fight/In and Out of Patience” (Wide Awake!)
49. Peach Kelli Pop – “Black Magic” (Gentle Leader)
50. Pipsy – “Whatever (If It’s Going to Come to This)” (Users)
51. Pllush – “Big Train” (Stranger to the Pain)
52. Remember Sports – “Up From Below” (Slow Buzz)
53. Retirement Party – “Are You My Mother?” (Somewhat Literate)
54. Ruler – “Keep Moving” (Winning Star Champion)
55. Salad Boys – “Psych Slasher” (This Is Glue)
56. Say Sue Me – “I Just Wanna Dance” (Where We Were Together)
57. Slothrust – “Planetarium” (The Pact)
58. So Stressed – “Very Long Cloth” (Pale Lemon)
59. Spider Bags – “Burning Sand” (Someday Everything Will Be Fine)
60. Stef Chura – “Degrees” (Degreessingle)
61. Superchunk – “What a Time to Be Alive” (What a Time to Be Alive)
62. Surrounder – “Immediation” (Lawn Chairs // Surrounder split)
63. Swearin’ – “Grow into a Ghost” (Fall into the Sun)
64. They Might Be Giants – “Let’s Get This Over With” (I Like Fun)
65. THICK – “Lyfe” (Would You Rather?EP)
66. Washer – “Super Pop” (Bethlehem Steel/Washersplit)
67. Weakened Friends – “Waste” (Common Blah)
68. Yo La Tengo – “Shades of Blue” (There’s a Riot Going On)
69. YOWL – “Warm (in the Soft White Fire of Modern Living)” (Warm (in the Soft White Fire of Modern Living)single)

If you’re looking for a CliffNotes version, I opted to make a third playlist comprising only 20 songs, selecting 1 song from each of my top 20 records. The songs act as a countdown of sorts, in that the first track comes from Doe’s Grow Into It, while the last track comes from En Attendant Ana’s Lost and Found. Make sense? Super.

Well, that’ll do it for 2018. With that, I now ask that you do the following four things:

1. In the comments section, let me know your picks for the best songs, records, and anything else music of 2018. What did I miss? What do you violently disagree with? What are you wholeheartedly in agreement with? What the hell else?
2. Should you choose to (or if you have already) put together a Best of 2018 playlist of your own, by all means send me a copy, or at the very least a track listing. I’ll do my best to post them on my blog.
3. If you’re feeling nostalgic, go back and check out my Best of… mixes from years’ past. There’s a shit-ton of them.
4. You’ve got Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and 7 billion other social media outlets at your disposal. Share this with the world, even if you only have two Twitter followers (and one of them is me).

Until the Best of 2019, have at it, you vultures!

BD

Fuck this. I’m breaking format.

For decades I’ve fashioned two mixes to encapsulate the musical landscape of the current year, spending days laboring over the proper order of one track after the next, hypnotized by the transition of one song’s outro into the next song’s intro. Each time was the culmination of my poring over records, digging for only the most perfect songs to best represent the respective year, unable to “release” my mixes into the ether until I was sure I could do no better.

Not this year. I just don’t have it in me this time. Whether it’s my newfound sobriety or the fact that the White House is occupied by a pea-brained, misogynist Nazi, I don’t know. I’m just drained.

Rather than creating two CD-length mixes, I’ve curated two long-play Spotify playlists representing the best “fast” and “slow” tracks of 2017. What’s more, there is a total lack of transition, in that I’m simply presenting the songs alphabetically by artist. Because Spotify is Spotify, artists are alphabetized by first name, so Allison Crutchfield, for instance, falls into the “A” category rather than “C.” In yet another violation of mixes past, I’ve even included multiple tracks by the same band on both playlists. (To be fair, it was only one band that this applies to, as the record was too damn good — wink, wink — to only choose one song for each list.)

With that, I’m also skipping most of the “awards” that I typically dole out. No Lyric of the Year, no Vocal Moment of the Year, no Most Disappointing Records of the Year. I am, however, keeping my album cover of the year, as well as ranking my top records, because they’re goddamn necessities.

I should point out, too, that 2017 included a lot of records that I really, really liked, but fewer tracks I could point to and say, “No-brainer song of the year!” Some bands simply made some solid records from start to finish. Others shit the bed completely. Oh, and I should note that some of my Post-Rock gurus not only came back in 2017, but came back hard! When was the last time Do Make Say Think, Godspeed You! Black Emperor and Mogwai not only released albums in the same year, but really, really good albums?! It’s been a while, but holy shit was it worth the wait. With that…

Album Cover of the Year:

Thundercat – Drunk

Top 20 Records of 2017:

20. Girlpool – Powerplant (Anti-)
19. Ratboys – GN (Topshelf Records)
18. Versing – Nirvana (Help Yourself Records)
17. Palehound – A Place I’ll Always Go (Polyvinyl)
16. Wolf Parade – Cry Cry Cry (Sub Pop)
15. Pile – A Hairshirt of Purpose (Exploding in Sound)
14. A Giant Dog – Toy (Merge)
13. Caddywhompus – Odd Hours (Inflated)
12. Godspeed You! Black Emperor – Luciferian Towers (Constellation)
11. Mogwai – Every Country’s Sun (Temporary Residence)

10. Katie Ellen – Cowgirl Blues (Lauren Records)

9. Allison Crutchfield – Tourist in This Town (Merge)

8. Waxahatchee – Out in the Storm (Merge)

7. Charly Bliss – Guppy (Barsuk)

6. Big Thief – Capacity (Saddle Creek)

5. Cool American – Infinite Hiatus (Good Cheer Records)

4. Washer – All Aboard (Exploding in Sound)

3. Meat Wave – The Incessant (SideOneDummy Records)

2. Mount Eerie – A Crow Looked at Me (P.W. Elverum & Sun)

1. Do Make Say Think – Stubborn Persistent Illusions (Constellation)

Stubborn Persistent Illusions is not just an outstanding album for 2017; it is an outstanding album, period. While I still consider & Yet & Yet to be DMST’s masterpiece, SPI does not disappoint in the least. There are zero throwaways on the record, and to include pieces of the record on my playlists frankly does SPI a horrible injustice. Beginning with opener “War on Torpor,” SPI has a certain urgency that feels both timely and necessary. It is aggressive and eerie and discomforting, and yet altogether engaging. It is everything great about DMST. The 10-minute-plus “Horripilation” descends and builds like any one of their legendary tracks, while “Bound” and “And Boundless” mirror each other brilliantly. Like & Yet & Yet 15 years earlier, Stubborn Persistent Illusions found its way into my earholes with more regularity than any other record all year, hands down. What’s more, it was the only 2017 release that I actually purchased on vinyl. That pretty much says it all.

And while DMST took 2017’s top spot, I’d be remiss if I didn’t spend a bit more time on Mount Eerie’s A Crow Looked at Me. Ho. Lee. Shit is it a bummer. After his wife succumbed to pancreatic cancer, Phil Elverum penned this ridiculously sad and personal record, chronicling the immediate aftermath of his wife’s passing and his attempt to move forward with his young child. It’s equal parts beautiful and heartbreaking, and it’s easily one of the saddest records I’ve ever heard. But goddamn is it great and really, really worth your time.

Obviously, there are no CDs (hard copies) this year. Your best bets are to a) listen to the Spotify playlist, b) click the individual song links below, or c) curate the playlists yourself in iTunes, Spotify, or some other type of music app.

With that, I give you the 93 songs that comprise my 2017 playlists…

x (The Best “Slow” Tracks of 2017):

1. Adult Mom – “J Station” (Soft Spots)
2. Allison Crutchfield – “I Don’t Ever Wanna Leave California” (Tourist in This Town)
3. Alvvays – “Forget About Life” (Antisocialites)
4. Amy O – “Sunday Meal” (Elastic)
5. Big Thief – “Coma” (Capacity)
6. Caddywhompus – “Appetite” (Odd Hours)
7. Chad VanGaalen – “Pine and Clover” (Light Information)
8. Charly Bliss – “Julia” (Guppy)
9. Chastity Belt – “Different Now” (I Used to Spend So Much Time Alone)
10. Cherry Glazerr – “Nuclear Bomb” (Apocalipstick)
11. Cloakroom – “The Passenger” (Time Well)
12. Cool American – “Lifers, Pt. 2” (Infinite Hiatus)
13. Corridor – “L’histoire populaire de Jonathan Cadeau” (Supermercado)
14. Diet Cig – “I Don’t Know Her” (Swear I’m Good at This)
15. The Districts – “Violet” (Popular Manipulations)
16. Do Make Say Think – “Horripilation” (Stubborn Persistent Illusions)
17. Do Make Say Think – “Bound” (Stubborn Persistent Illusions)
18. En Route – “Null” (Then Is a Song)
19. Fleet Foxes – “Fool’s Errand” (Crack-Up)
20. Florist – “Red Bird” (If Blue Could Be Happiness)
21. Girl Ray – “Stupid Things” (Earl Grey)
22. Girlpool – “123” (Powerplant)
23. Grandaddy – “I Don’t Wanna Live Here Anymore” (Last Place)
24. Great Grandpa – “Faithful” (Plastic Cough)
25. Guided by Voices – “Tenth Century” (How Do You Spell Heaven)
26. Holiday Ghosts – “Ron Song” (Holiday Ghosts)
27. Katie Ellen – “Drawing Room” (Cowgirl Blues)
28. LCD Soundsystem – “oh baby” (American Dream)
29. Lexie – “In Us” (Record Time!)
30. Meat Wave – “No Light” (The Incessant)
31. Mogwai – “20 Size” (Every Country’s Sun)
32. Mount Eerie – “Seaweed” (A Crow Looked at Me)
33. The National – “Empire Line” (Sleep Well Beast)
34. Palehound – “Feeling Fruit” (A Place I’ll Always Go)
35. Pile – “Worms” (A Hairshirt of Purpose)
36. Radiator Hospital – “Long Distance Dedication” (Play the Songs You Like)
37. Radioactivity – “Sleep” (Infected/Sleep 7-inch)
38. Ratboys – “Crying About the Planets” (GN)
39. (Sandy) Alex G – “Proud” (Rocket)
40. Surfer Rosie – “Resting” (EP1)
41. Thunder Dreamer – “Victoria” (Capture)
42. Vagabon – “The Embers” (Infinite Worlds)
43. Washer – “Afraid to Care” (All Aboard)
44. Waxahatchee – “8 Ball” (Out in the Storm)
45. Wolf Parade – “Baby Blue” (Cry Cry Cry)
46. Young Jesus – “River” (S/T)

y (The Best “Fast” Tracks of 2017):

1. Adult Mom – “Full Screen” (Soft Spots)
2. Allison Crutchfield – “Expatriate” (Tourist in This Town)
3. Alvvays – “Plimsoll Punks” (Antisocialites)
4. Amy O – “Soft Skin” (Elastic)
5. Big Thief – “Shark Smile” (Capacity)
6. Broken Social Scene – “Mouth Guards of the Apocalypse” (Hug of Thunder)
7. Caddywhompus – “Decent” (Odd Hours)
8. Chad VanGaalen – “Mystery Elementals” (Light Information
9. Charly Bliss – “Percolator” (Guppy)
10. Cloud Nothings – “Internal World” (Life Without Sound)
11. Cool American – “Maui’s” (Infinite Hiatus)
12. Corridor – “Coup d’épée” (Supermercado)
13. Diet Cig – “Sixteen” (Swear I’m Good at This)
14. The Districts – “Rattling of the Heart” (Popular Manipulations)
15. Do Make Say Think – “War on Torpor” (Stubborn Persistent Illusions)
16. Do Make Say Think – “Her Eyes on the Horizon” (Stubborn Persistent Illusions)
17. En Route – “I Am the Problem” (Then Is a Song)
18. A Giant Dog – “Lucky Ponderosa” (Toy)
19. Girlpool – “Static Somewhere” (Powerplant)
20. Great Grandpa – “Teen Challenge” (Plastic Cough)
21. Guided by Voices – “Cretinous Number Ones” (How Do You Spell Heaven)
22. Hiccup – “Dad Jokes” (Imaginary Enemies)
23. Jay Som – “1 Billion Dogs” (Everybody Works)
24. Katie Ellen – “Sad Girls Club” (Cowgirl Blues)
25. Lexie – “It’s Nothing” (Record Time!)
26. Lost Balloons – “Not My Time” (Hey Summer)
27. Meat Wave – “Leopard Print Jet Ski” (The Incessant)
28. Mogwai – “Old Poisons” (Every Country’s Sun)
29. The New Pornographers – “Play Money” (Whiteout Conditions)
30. Palehound – “If You Met Her” (A Place I’ll Always Go)
31. Pile – “Leaning On a Wheel” (A Hairshirt of Purpose)
32. Radiator Hospital – “Lonely Road” (Play the Songs You Like)
33. Radioactivity – “Infected” (Infected/Sleep Single)
34. Ratboys – “Control” (GN)
35. Real Life Buildings – “Cold” (Significant Weather)
36. Rozwell Kid – “Wendy’s Trash Can” (Precious Art)
37. Sorority Noise – “No Halo” (You’re Not as _____ as You Think)
38. Stef Chura – “Spotted Gold” (Messes)
39. Surfer Rosie – “Nerves” (EP1)
40. Thunder Dreamer – “You Know Me” (Capture)
41. Tobin Sprout – “Future Boy Today/Man of Tomorrow” (The Universe and Me)
42. UV-TV – “Run, Run (Morning Sun)” (Glass)
43. Versing – “Call Me Out” (Nirvana)
44. Washer – “Elbow” (All Aboard)
45. Waxahatchee – “No Curse” (No Curse)
46. Wolf Parade – “Incantation” (Cry Cry Cry)
47. Worriers – “No Thanks” (Survival Pop)

 

 

Well, that’ll do it for 2017. With that, I now ask that you do the following four things:

1. In the comments section, let me know your picks for the best songs, records, and anything else music of 2017. What did I miss? What do you violently disagree with? What are you wholeheartedly in agreement with? What the hell else?
2. Should you choose to (or if you have already) put together a Best of 2017 playlist of your own, by all means send me a copy, or at the very least a track listing. I’ll do my best to post them on my blog.
3. If you’re feeling nostalgic, go back and check out my Best of… mixes from years’ past. There’s a shit-ton of them.
4. You’ve got Twitter, Facebook, Instagram and 7 billion other social media outlets at your disposal. Share this with the world, even if you only have two Twitter followers (and one of them is me).

Until the Best of 2018, have at it, you vultures!

BD

Blue Team (Matt, Josh, Mitch and Brandon), front

Red Team (Brooksy, Satten, Forwood and Doy), back

On Saturday, June 10, 2017, the original Brolympics gang — myself, Mitchell, Cousin Matt and Cousin Josh — reconvened after last year’s beatdown to once again lay waste to the opposing foursome. This year, however, we teamed up in Havertown (just outside of Philadelphia) to compete against an all new set of pals, featuring (Mike) Brooksy, (Matt) Satten, (Jon) Forwood and Steve “Doy” Gruszka in a 4-on-4, best-of-11, race-to-6-wins Brolympics. These fellas had been asking for quite some time to get in on the event, and we were all too happy to abide. And while I don’t want to give anything away, I can tell you that we had a Brolympics first. Sort of.

This year’s Brolympics consisted of the following (scheduled) events:

1. Football
2. Tennis
3. Wiffle Ball (first appearance, as it replaced the Home Run Derby)
4. Bocce
5. Kan Jam
6. Cornhole
7. Bowling
8. Pool
9. Darts
10. Shuffleboard
11. Beirut

As a refresher, the images work like this: to capture the results of each event, we documented them with a photograph. The winning teammates for each event held their fingers up, while the losers kept their hands roughly waist-high. So, if the score was, say, 3 to 1 following four events, the team with three wins would hold three fingers high, while the team with one win would hold one finger waist-high.

With that, here’s how it all played out, beginning with…

Event 1: Football

Rules:

• One 4-on-4 game;
• Two 20-minute halves;
• Two-hand touch;
• “Losers Walk”;
• Team who loses coin-toss defends side of field of its choosing;
• Kicking team in 1st half is receiving team in 2nd half;
• Only 1 first-down possibility per drive (located at mid-field);
• Only 1 blitz per set of downs;
• Defense can rush the passer after “5 Mississippi” count;
• Quarterback can’t run with the ball unless rushed/blitzed;
• Touchdowns worth 1 point;
• No field goals, no extra points; and
• If overtime is needed, no sudden death scoring; both teams play till one team scores touchdown and second team fails to answer.

We broke the rules. But I’ll get back to that.

This year we returned to the site of Brolympics 2: Grange Field. It’s the same place (and event) where Mitch twisted his ankle, which then blew up like Violet in Willy Wonka.

Like last year, we opted to cut the field in half, both by length and width. In other words, our playing surface was roughly 50 yards by 26 yards. Again, we’re old. For some reason, though, we decided to add 5 minutes onto each half, playing 20-minute halves rather than last year’s 15. We. Are. Dumb.

We lost the coin toss and kicked off to the Red Team. We managed to keep them from scoring on their opening drive, and quickly got the ball for the first time. We then proceeded to go three-and-out, looking absolutely terrible on our first drive. We also realized that this year’s competition was — no offense to last year’s opponents — stiff. They came to play, in that they were bumping off the line, throwing laterals, playing tight man-to-man coverage and even getting on the board first with a touchdown pass on their second drive. I wish I could remember who completed the pass to whom, but I can’t.

I’d love to tell you that I remember all of the details, but all I know is that, after two 20-minute halves, we were tied at two scores apiece. Hot, hungover and exhausted, we made the executive decision to call it a draw, with each team taking a half-point, something that had never happened in Brolympics history. Nobody likes a tie, but I did mention we’re old, yes?

A couple of important notes about the game:

• While it was an outstanding defensive play, Satten drilled Josh in the end zone, knocking the ball loose and simultaneously breaking(?) his own rib in the process. Great play, but potentially damning for the rest of the competition.
• With under a minute to play, Josh threw a bomb roughly two-thirds of the length of the field that Mitch caught for an over-the-shoulder touchdown to tie the game at 2 (and earn the tie).

Like kissing your sister. Blue Team (L to R: Matt, Brandon, Mitch and Josh) ties Red Team (L to R: Satten, Doy, Forwood and Brooksy).

Football Final Score: Team Blue ties Team Red, 2-2
Event MVPs: Blue Team, Josh and Mitch; Red Team, Satten and Brooksy
Overall Score: Blue ties Red, .5-.5

Event 2: Tennis

Rules:

• Two sets of doubles;
• One set per match;
• If each team wins one match, a third match is played (best two sets out of three); and
• No third set tiebreaker.

Mitch and Josh (the stronger of our two teams) took on Doy and Brooksy in match 1, while Matt and I battled Forwood and Satten in match 2. Although we played on courts alongside one another, the matches were played simultaneously, so I didn’t really have an opportunity to watch the other match. It wasn’t too difficult to keep tabs on things, though, as the members of the Red Team informed us beforehand that they had no shot at winning tennis. They were right. Mitch and Josh took down their match 6-0, while Matt and I won 6-1. To be fair, had Forwood and Satten managed to get their first serves in, I genuinely think it would have been a close match. But they didn’t. So it wasn’t. I should also note that Mitch plays in a tennis league, so had he lost his match we would have banished him from our team for all of time. And, no, the picture below, while similar, is not identical to the Football shot.

Quick work. Blue Team (L to R: Matt, Brandon, Josh and Mitch) crush Red Team (L to R: Satten, Doy, Forwood and Brooksy).

Tennis Final Score: Mitch and Josh defeat Brooksy and Doy, 6-0; Matt and Brandon defeat Forwood and Satten, 6-1
Event MVP: Tie, Matt and Brandon
Overall Score: Blue Team leads Red Team, 1.5-0.5

Event 3: Wiffle Ball

Rules:

• 9 innings;
• Each team gets 3 outs per inning;
• 3 strikes equal 1 out;
• Foul ball on strike 3 is an out;
• A caught ball is an out;
• Balls off the fence are triples;
• Balls over the fence are home runs (but can be caught for outs);
• Ghost runners (can not take extra base);
• No “fast” pitch; and
• Teams pitch to the other team.

Because last year’s Home Run Derby was, well, boring, we instead decided to change up and play a straight-up game of Wiffle Ball. And while there may not have been a ton of scoring, it was wildly suspenseful. Plus, there was less standing around, as players from both team were now forced to play defense.

I made an attempt to sketch what the “field” looked like (as we played on a run-down tennis court), but the drawing was simply too crude and added zero value. All you need to know is that we spent entirely too long determining the foul lines. Oh, and we started drinking. Yes, it was a public park with a little league game going on simultaneously, but it was after noon, so…

The Red Team won the coin toss and elected to be the home team, thus our team batted first. Matt hit first, followed by Mitch, then Josh, then me. With Brooksy on the mound, we went down in order in the first. Not sure how the Red Team set their line-up, but they, too, got out of the first frame without scoring, as Matt served as our pitcher with me in left field, Mitch in center and Josh manning the space between pitcher and outfield. Things went on like this for a while. Hits here and there that were snuffed out by great defensive plays, and some deep balls were hit (but caught), thus keeping the score tied at 0-0.

But then, in the 6th inning, Mitch put one over the fence to give Team Blue a 1-0 lead. In the 7th inning, I hit a solo shot of my own, and then hit an RBI double in the same inning, the score at 3-0 going to the bottom of the inning. It remained at 3-0 till the bottom of the 8th, when the Red Team, at long last, got to Matt and began to scratch out hit after hit. They got the game to 3-2 and loaded the bases, but with two outs we got out of the inning. We were held scoreless in the 9th, and after getting two outs in the bottom of the inning, Matt struck out Satten(?) to end the game 3-2.

Brandon and Brooksy, discussing the right field foul line.

Forwood, stationed as “short man” for the Red Team.

Jewyville Sluggers. Blue Team (L to R: Mitch, Matt, Josh and Brandon) defeat Red Team (Doy, Forwood, Brooksy and Satten).

Wiffle Ball Final Score: Blue Team defeats Red Team, 3-2
Event MVPs: Tie, Brandon and Mitch
Overall Score: Blue Team leads Red Team, 2.5-0.5

Event 4: Bocce

Rules:

• Team play (red balls vs. black balls);
• Each player throws one ball per round;
• One game played to 21;
• Any part of the field is “in bounds”;
• Teams may score a max of 4 points per round; and
• Must win by 2.

Pretty sure we didn’t even start Bocce until after 2 o’clock, meaning most of us were tired, hungry, hot and on our way to getting drunk. I, for one, had had nothing to eat all day but a cup of coffee and some fruit snacks. And some beers.

This year we used both baseball diamonds and the football field area of Grange Field for what was a relatively flat playing surfaces populated by large patches of dirt thanks to the baseball infield. We took an early lead in this one, realizing we were having better luck on the longer tosses than the shorter ones. At one point we went up by more than 10 points, but then they slowly chipped away at our lead. When the (baseball field) dust settled, though, the Blue Team defeated the Red Team by a score of 21-11, ending on a game-winning shot by Mitch.

 

Mitch with the backspin toss.

Mitch with the backspin toss (again) as Brandon, Forwood, Doy, Josh and Broosky look on.

Bocce balls! The Blue Team (L to R: Mitch, Matt, Brandon and Josh) defeats the Red Team (L to R: Satten, Doy, Forwood and Brooksy).

Bocce Final Score: Blue Team defeats Red Team, 21-11
Event MVP: Mitch and Matt
Overall Score: Blue Team leads Red Team, 3.5-0.5

Event 5: Kan Jam

Rules:

• Two matches, with each match being best 3 games out of 5;
• If both teams win a match, a third match tiebreaker will be played (best 3 games out of 5); and
• Games played to 21 exactly.

After four events, lunch and several beers, we had already been at it for six or seven hours. Holy hell.

Kan Jam took on a similar tone as Tennis, in that it didn’t appear the Red Team favored themselves in the match-up, as tossing the frisbee around was not their strong suit, apparently, and they gladly would have replaced Kan Jam (or Tennis) with Basketball. Still, the games continued as planned, because A) we love Kan Jam; and B) it’s our fuckin’ Brolympics and we’ll do as we goddamn please!

In an effort to speed things along, we played both matches simultaneously. In match 1, which took place on Matt’s front lawn (and was, therefore, less than the requisite 50 feet between kans), Josh and Matt took on Forwood and Brooksy. In match 2, which took place in Matt’s ridiculously long driveway, Mitch and I took on Satten and Doy.

First, let me say that Josh had never — ever — won a game of Kan Jam, both in Brolympics or casual play, because, up until recently, he could barely throw a frisbee. In the last month or so, though, he taught himself to throw left-handed, and, well, it paid off. In match 1, Matt and Josh won three games to none. In match 2? Well, it was more of the same, with Mitch and I winning three games to none. Aside from a close game in the first match, there wasn’t a whole lot of drama. Still, I thoroughly enjoyed the event. Throwing things into things. And because it was his first-ever win, I’m awarding the co-MVPs accordingly.

 

Kanned Heat! Blue Team defeats Red Team (as photographed perched atop the shrub next to Matt’s house).

Kan Jam Final Score: Matt and Josh defeat Forwood and Brooksy, 3-0 (19, 14 and 12); Mitch and Brandon defeat Doy and Satten, 3-0 (8, 7 and 12)
Event MVPs: Tie, Josh and Matt
Overall Score: We lead Them, 4.5-0.5

Event 6: Cornhole

Rules:

• Two matches, with each match being best 3 games out of 5;
• If both teams win a match, a third match tiebreaker will be played (best 3 games out of 5);
• Games played to 21;
• “Skunk” in effect (meaning 11-0 wins the game); and
• Must win game by 2 points.

This was it. The first event we fully expected to lose. Most of the events (aside from Tennis and Kan Jam) were head-scratchers, as we really had no idea of what to expect from the opposition. Cornhole, though, was another story entirely, as we knew the Red Team was composed of four guys who played regularly, one of whom (Satten) was really good. Our only real saving graces were A) Satten’s rib injury; and B) the fact that we had three pretty good players of our own in Matt, Josh and Mitch. I hadn’t played Cornhole since the last Brolympics aside from two random games, and I was never great to begin with.

We decided to stick with the same teams as last year, which meant that Mitch and Matt played together in match 1, taking on Forwood and Doy. I prayed for a victory, as I knew our chances of beating Brooksy and Satten were slim to none. In the opening game, Mitch and Matt skunked them 12-0. They went on to take the second game, 21-12. And before I knew it, the match had ended, with Mitch and Matt defeating the opposition 21-6 in the third and final game. If nothing else, this boded well for the would-be tiebreaker match, as Mitch and Matt played well.

Josh and I were up, and miraculously, on my very first toss, I put it right through the hole. Not sure I even hit the board with my other three. This, though, would be something of a theme in our match. While I don’t remember the scores, I can tell you that we won the first game. Brooksy and Satten came back to win the second game. And then they won the third game, too, going up two games to one. I had accepted our fate, but then something happened. We started scoring points. Consistently. And with that, we took game four, evening the match at two games apiece. Up 8-6 in the final game, Josh had a 7-point round, quickly building our lead to 15-6. And somehow, miraculously, we held on to win it. Sadly, again, I have no idea what the scores of our games were, as I was drunk and tired and not writing anything down. (Thanks, by the way, to Matt, who managed to record most of the scores prior to this one.) Again, I have to believe the outcome would have been different had a healthy Satten been playing. Still, I might have played the best Cornhole of my life that day, as Brooksy continuously mocked me throughout, mimicking my natural reaction to shrug my shoulders and throw my hands out every time I threw a bag through the hole. It shocked me, truly, every time.

With another event under our belt, we needed only one more to take the whole thing down.

Satten watches on as Brandon goes into his wind-up.

Josh looks barefoot, drunk and confused as Brooksy stares at his fate.

Matt and Doy enjoy a beer during match 2.

We put it right in their Cornhole! Blue Team (L to R: Brandon, Mitch, Josh and Matt) defeats Red Team (L to R: Forwood, Satten, Brooksy and Doy).

 

Cornhole Final Score: Mitch and Matt defeat Doy and Forwood, 3-0; Josh and Brandon defeat Brooksy and Satten, 3-2
Event MVPs: Tie, Matt and Brandon
Overall Score: Blue Team leads Red Team, 5.5-0.5

Event 7: Bowling

Rules:

• Each player bowls two games; and
• Total combined team pins from both games wins.

This was the first time we’d bowled since Brolympics 2, and the first team we’d bowled in the four-on-four format. Josh, most of all, was very excited about this event, as he’d actually bowled a few games the day prior. I had no expectations for bowling, but had always been decent enough to hold my own, and I knew the same was the case for Mitch and Matt. The Red Team, then, was the wildcard, as I had no idea about their abilities as bowlers. Again, needing only one event for the overall victory, we were focused. But drunk. Very drunk. Thankfully the alley had a bar so we could continue to drink while simultaneously honing that focus. (And by “focus,” I mean “drunk.”)

The opening game was tight. Very tight. After 10 frames, we led them by a combined score of 447-442. We knew that we needed to take Bowling, as a loss here meant we’d then have to get into the “bar games,” an area we would likely be somewhat susceptible. We drank. And we bowled. And we drank. And we bowled. And with a single frame left, Mitch went 9-spare-strike in the 10th frame. And just like that, our lanes went dark! He rolled that final strike, and the power just blew in our lanes. Still, we had a hefty lead by that time, so the strike was ancillary. Had it recorded his score correctly, I think Mitch rolled a 163 in game two, and our team beat them handily by a score of 554-417.

And with that, the competition portion of the evening came to an end.

My bowling shoes and socks game is strong.

Game 1 results.

Game 2 results.

Hey, gents. Let’s bowl some balls. Red Team (L to R: Brooksy, Doy, Forwood and Satten) defeated by Blue Team (L to R: Brandon, Josh, Matt and Mitch).

Pool Final Score: Blue Team defeats Red Team, 1001-859
Event MVP: Mitch
Overall Score: Blue Team wins, 6.5-0.5

The (drunken) face of victory (at McSorleys Pub).

Like last year, we needed only seven events to win this year’s Brolympics. Yet despite the final score, the competition was fierce. Every event (other than Kan Jam and Tennis) was competitive, and best of all the opposition was in great spirits through out. No complaining, no long faces. I don’t know how many times I heard the Red Team say “I’m having a blast!” and “This is so much fun.” Mad respect to those guys, who are welcome back any time. After Bowling, we went to the bar next door, shot pool, played shuffleboard, and drank some more while a Beatles cover band played in the corner and the bartender mean-mugged everyone. Weird. Oh, and then we went to Wawa, because of course we did.

Before concluding this year’s Brolympics, I wanted to include a list of “highlights,” as texted to me the following day by Mitch. So, I give you now a recap of the best of Brolympics 5, according to Mitch:

1. Highly crushable beer is the best beer.
2. Epic is never epic.
3. Honey Bbq Frito Twists are the best things ever when paired with your midnight Wawa hoagie (and a drunk).
4. “You gonna fight or fuck?”
5. Ribs don’t care whether you use flags or not.
6. Bowling is the best event.
7. Our shirts are awesome, except when we all wear them at the same time (paraphrasing Satten).
8. Josh came REALLY close to throwing up in my Pilot.
9. We’ll never get to play darts and shuffleboard, and we won’t ever sniff a game of Beirut (Beer Pong).
10. Showers made a difference.
11. Goodbye tennis, hello basketball.
12. Josh KAN really throw a frisbee — it takes practice!
13. And, frisbess don’t really hurt, except when Satten hits you in the temple.
14. I hit a strike in “The Natural” fashion to end my bottom of the 10th frame (epic!).
15. Philly-challenging bros > Harrisburg-challenging bros.
16. We need to set a date for 2018.

The true MVP, according to Mitch.

I’d say that we now need to line up competition for the next Brolympics, but I’m pretty certain these four are more than happy to enact their revenge. If not, any takers among you? If so, start getting your team together. Competition welcome.

Until the next Brolympics, have at it, you vultures!

CB

I’m absolutely not the first person to say this, but I’m gonna’ go ahead and say it all the same: 2016 was garbage. I did a lot of thinking on the subject, and there were really only two other years in all my time on this Earth that could have eclipsed this past year in suckitude. To boot, the music in 2016 was, well, not great. I had high expectations, particularly for bands who wowed me in previous years, only to find that several of those groups really sort of shit the bed in 2016. (To be fair, America shit the bed in 2106, so maybe it had to be this way.) I should point out, too, that my iPod was stolen about a month ago. Can you get any more on the nose?!

Like 2015, I pored over a ton of music (more than 3,000 songs, easily), yet I was constantly having to go back and figure out who was who. I’d see a name on my iPod or in iTunes that I recognized, yet had no sense of what the album sounded like.  It was one of the first years in which I genuinely had trouble finding songs for my mix, in that there just weren’t enough “great” ones available. Were there any standout recordings in 2016? Of course there were. I mean, there’s not once been a year in which I walked away thinking, “Everything sucked (musically)!” But on the whole, 2016 was about as meh as meh gets.

In terms of what dominated my musical landscape, there was not only the somewhat typical mix of punk and female vocalists, but yet another influx of emo-esque bands. I should say, too, that some of my favorite bands from long ago (e.g., The Thermals) had a nice resurgence after a few records that were, I thought, sub-par based on their typical standards. In looking at my top 20 records of the year, I opted to group numbers 11-20 in one big lot, as I just didn’t have the heart to rank them. And considering all of the terrible shit that took place this year, I’m honestly impressed I put anything together at all.

I. Am. Spent.

With that…

Album Cover of the Year:

Jeff Rosenstock – Worry. (If this title doesn’t say it all for 2016 and the next four years, I don’t know what does.)

 

Vocal Moment of the Year:

Pinegrove – “Aphasia” (At roughly 2:25, Evan Stevens Hall just belts out some shit about an octave higher than any other portion of the album. What he says exactly? I honestly don’t know, and frankly, I don’t care. The sheer emotion is momentous enough. To be fair, though, I believe the lyrics are, “But if I don’t have you by me then I’ll go underground.”)

Song I Heard Once That Implanted Itself Like a Goddamn Earworm:

PUP – “Doubts” (I started to ask myself if cutting my own ears off would help me shake it, but no.)

Lyric of the Year:

Hudson Bell – “In a Ball” (“And when the fog let up and I could see / A bunch of people around me / And some were singing down the street / A song that I repeat/ It’s good to be living again / It’s good to be alive again”)

Guitar Solo of the Year:

Connections – “Month 2 Month” (You should obviously listen to the song in its entirety, as it’s an ass-kicker, but if you want to jump to a sick guitar solo, hit it up around the 2:05 mark.)

Most Disappointing Records That I Was Highly Anticipating:

Big Ups – Before a Million Universes (I loved me some Eighteen Hours of Static, the band’s previous release. This record? Boring. The hooks just weren’t there and the aggression felt forced.)

Dr. Dog – The Psychedelic Swamp and Abandoned Mansion (They released not one, but two records this year, and both were lacking at best.)

LVL UP – Return to Love (Not a bad record, but wildly underwhelming after being floored by their previous effort.)

Angel Olsen – My Woman (I love me some Angel Olsen, but this record simply didn’t resonate with me the way her previous releases have. Critics were all over it, but frankly I just didn’t find that it worked for me no matter how many times I listened.)

Videos of the Year:

Mitski – “Your Best American Girl”

Angel Olsen – “Shut Up Kiss Me”

PUP – “Sleep in the Heat”

Ten Honorable Mentions of 2016 (all tied for 11th and thereby ranked alphabetically):

11. Astronoid – Air (Blood Music)
11. Connections – Midnight Run (Anyway)
11. Dark Thoughts – Dark Thoughts (Stupid Bag)
11. DOGBRETH – Second Home (Asian Man)
11. Explosions in the Sky – The Wilderness (Temporary Residence)
11. Hudson Bell – Yerba Buena (self-released)
11. Mourn – Ha, Ha, He. (Captured Tracks)
11. Nothing – Tired of Tomorrow (Relapse)
11. Pinegrove – Cardinal (Run for Cover)
11. Sioux Falls – Rot Forever (Broken World Media)

Top Ten Records of 2016:

10. Audacity – Hyper Vessels (Suicide Squeeze)

9. The Thermals – We Disappear (Saddle Creek)

8. Dentist – Ceilings (Little Dickman)

7. Slothrust – Everyone Else (Dangerbird)

6. Frankie Cosmos – Next Thing (Bayonet)

5. Parquet Courts – Human Performance (Rough Trade)

4. PUP – The Dream Is Over (Sideonedummy)

3. Mitski – Puberty 2 (Dead Oceans)

2. Modern Baseball – Holy Ghost (Run for Cover)

1. Car Seat Headrest – Teens of Denial (Matador)

I was forced to keep Car Seat Headrest’s Teens of Style off of my list in 2015, if only because it was a collection of previously singles and recordings. In 2016, though, Car Seat Headrest came back with an album full of new material that, well, kicked all kinds of ass. Frontman Will Toledo can best be described as dynamic, in that his songs are ever-changing from start to finish. There is no CSH formula. Or to put it another way, the CSH formula is no formula. While last year’s “Los Borrachos” was arguably my favorite song I’d heard all year, I must point out that “Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales” was sung by myself, my wife and my daughter in unison with Toledo during many a road trip in 2016. Do I think Toledo the man is somewhat pretentious? Sure. But so what. He’s still very young, and what are today’s youth if not arrogant.

As always, I made two CD-length mixes this year. While I once again don’t know how many records I actually plowed through, I know that I had just under 200 potential tracks that made the final cut.

Once again, there are no CDs this year. No hard copies, that is. I once again made two mixes, both of which would fit on a standard CD. And, yes, I made my usual cover art, which you can check out below. As for the tracks below, I linked to nothing but studio versions this year. Because I opted to make my playlists on Spotify as opposed to creating actual discs, I had to give in to the fact that Spotify didn’t have every song I might have actually included on my final mixes. I made do with what was available, though, as there were only a couple bands that were unavailable to me.

As I began doing last year, I added an * to indicate songs that opened records, and a ^ to indicate those that did closing duty.

With that, I give you the 49 songs that comprise my 2016 mixes…

Ascend front cover.

Ascend interior artwork.

Dive front cover.

Dive interior artwork.

Ascend (The Best “Fast” Tracks of 2016):

1. Explosions in the Sky – “Infinite Orbit” (The Wilderness)
2. Slothrust – “Rotten Pumpkin” (Everyone Else)
3. The Thermals – “Hey You” (We Disappear)
4. Audacity – “Hypo” (Hyper Vessels)
5. Jeff Rosenstock – “Bang on the Door” (WORRY.)
6. Mourn – “President Bullshit” (Ha, Ha, He.)
7. PUP – “Doubts” (The Dream Is Over)
8. Astronoid – “Tin Foil Hats” (Air)
9. Mannequin Pussy – “Emotional High” (Romantic)
10. Connections – “Month 2 Month” (Midnight Run)
11. Happy Diving – “Electric Soul Unity” (Electric Soul Unity)
12. Parquet Courts – “Outside” (Human Performance)
13. Paws – “Clarity” (No Grace)
14. Modern Baseball – “What If…” (Holy Ghost)
15. Pinegrove – “Then Again” (Cardinal)
16. Bent Shapes – “86’d in ’03” (Wolves of Want)
17. DTCV – “Conformiste” (Confusion Moderne)
18. Frankie Cosmos – “If I Had a Dog” (Next Thing)
19. Tacocat – “Dana Catherine Scully“* (Lost Time)
20. Car Seat Headrest – “Drunk Drivers/Killer Whales” (Teens of Denial)
21. Dowsing – “Feeling Better” (Okay)
22. LVL UP – “The Closing Door” (Return to Love)
23. Pinkwash – “Gumdrop” (Collective Sigh)
24. Sonic Avenues – “Illusions: The System” (Disconnector)
25. Dentist – “Body Slam (Move)” (Ceilings)
26. Hudson Bell – “Hey Doll” (Yerba Buena)
27. DOGBRETH – “Stunner” (Second Home)
28. Forth Wanderers – “Know Better“* (Slop EP)
29. Nothing – “Vertigo Flowers” (Tired of Tomorrow)

Dive (The Best “Slow” Tracks of 2016):

1. William Tyler – “Highway Anxiety“^ (Modern Country)
2. Mitski – “Your Best American Girl” (Puberty 2)
3. Hudson Bell – “In a Ball”^ (Yerba Buena)
4. Forth Wanderers – “Nerves” (Slop EP)
5. Angel Olsen – “Shut Up Kiss Me” (My Woman)
6. Eleanor Friedberger – “Open Season” (New View)
7. Frankie Cosmos – “Embody” (Next Thing)
8. Dentist – “Joel” (Ceilings)
9. Happy Diving – “Head Spell” (Electric Soul Unity)
10. Sioux Falls – “Practice Space” (Rot Forever)
11. Pinegrove – “Aphasia” (Cardinal)
12. Modern Baseball – “Hiding” (Holy Ghost)
13. Parquet Courts – “Human Performance” (Human Performance)
14. Slothrust – “Horseshoe Crab” (Everyone Else)
15. Julia Brown – “Bloom” (An Abundance of Strawberries)
16. Sorority Noise – “Either Way” (It Kindly Stopped for Me EP)
17. DOGBRETH – “Steeping” (Second Home)
18. Jeff Rosenstock – “We Begged 2 Explode” (WORRY.)
19. Car Seat Headrest – “The Ballad of the Costa Concordia” (Teens of Denial)
20. Nothing – “Tic Tac Toe” (Tired of Tomorrow)

 

 

Well, that’ll do it for 2016. With that, I now ask that you do the following four things:

1. In the comments section, let me know your picks for the best songs, records, and anything else music of 2016. What did I miss? What do you violently disagree with? What are you wholeheartedly in agreement with? What the hell else?
2. Should you choose to (or if you have already) put together a Best of 2016 playlist of your own, by all means send me a copy of the disc, or at the very least a track listing. I’ll do my best to post them on my blog.
3. If you’re feeling nostalgic, go back and check out my Best of… mixes from years’ past. There’s a shit-ton of them.
4. You’ve got Twitter, Facebook, and a thousand other social media outlets at your disposal. Share this with the world, even if you only have two Twitter followers (and one of them is me).

Until the Best of 2017, have at it, you vultures!

BD

Jesus Christ.

Another year, another holiday mix courtesy of the wife and me. No hard copies this year, as we opted to go straight Spotify playlist. Unfortunately, this meant that some of our original selections had to get axed, simply because the songs weren’t available in Spotify. Dicks.

So, without further delay, put your ears on!

Once Upon a Pissedmas:

1. Jeff Buckley – “Hallelujah”
2. She & Him – “The Christmas Waltz”
3. Sufjan Stevens – “The Midnight Clear”
4. LCD Soundsystem – “Christmas Will Break Your Heart”
5. The Polyphonic Spree – “Happy Xmas (War Is Over)”
6. The Raveonettes – “Come On Santa”
7. Blitzen Trapper – “Christmas Is Coming Soon!”
8. Lou Reed – “Xmas In February”
9. Cassie Ramone – “Wonderful Christmastime”
10. The Ronettes – “I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus”
11. Carpenters – “Sleigh Ride”
12. Stevie Wonder – “What Christmas Means to Me”
13. James Brown – “Please Come Home for Christmas”
14. Weezer – “The First Noel”
15. Aimee Mann and Michael Penn – “Christmastime”
16. Clem Snide – “Jews for Jesus Blues”
17. Belle & Sebastian – “O Come, O Come Emmanuel”
18. Okkervil River – “Listening to Otis Redding at Home During Christmas”
19. Matt Pond PA – “Holiday Road”
20. Tacocat – “Snow Day”
21. Joyce Manor – “Christmas Card”
22. Islands – “Snowflake”
23. Barenaked Ladies – “Hanukkah Blessings”
24. Frightened Rabbit – “It’s Christmas So We’ll Stop”
25. David Hasselhoff – “Feliz Navidad”

Oh, and here it is in pure Spotify form…

Well, there you have it: 2016’s audio Advent calendar. Hope this inspires you to drink 8 gallons of egg nog and eat all of Santa’s cookies.

That’ll do it for this year’s mountain of yule. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!

BD

src=”https://cousinbrandon.files.wordpress.com/2016/08/grey-shirt.jpg?w=212″ alt=”Grey Shirt” width=”212″ height=”300″ /> Bad Guys’ Shirt (Matt, Pete, Nick and Avery)[/caption]

Ref’s Shirt

On Saturday, July 30, 2016, the original Brolympics gang — myself, Mitchell, Cousin Matt and Cousin Josh — reconvened after a five-year hiatus to relive the (not so) glorious days of our youth. There was a significant change in this, the fourth “annual” Brolympics: rather than playing two-on-two (me and Josh vs. Matt and Mitch), the four of us teamed up to compete against our pals Matt B., Pete, Nick and Avery in a 4-on-4, best-of-11, race-to-6-wins Brolympics. Several pals had been begging for years to let them into the fold, and as the expression goes, “Be careful what you wish for.”

I should point out that this year’s shirts were printed by our good pal Cory Seymour at Backpage Press, who you can follow on Twitter. And while we had a ref’s shirt printed, no one was able to fill the ref’s shoes, so the shirt went unworn. We’ve decided, though, to turn that shirt into our “cup,” wherein the winning team keeps the cup until the next Brolympics champions are crowned.

This year’s Brolympics took place in the Camp Hill/Harrisburg region, and consisted of the following (scheduled) events:

1. Football
2. Tennis
3. Home Run Derby
4. Bocce
5. Cornhole
6. Kan Jam (first appearance!)
7. Bowling
8. Pool
9. Darts
10. Shuffleboard
11. Beirut

As a refresher, the images work like this: to capture the results of each event, we documented them with a photograph. The winning teammates for each event held their fingers up, while the losers kept their hands roughly waist-high. So, if the score was, say, 3 to 1 following four events, the team with three wins would hold three fingers high, while the team with one win would hold one finger waist-high.

With that, here’s how it all played out, beginning with…

Event 1: Football

Rules:

• One 4-on-4 game;
• Two 15-minute halves;
• No “Losers Walk”;
• Team who loses coin-toss defends side of field of its choosing;
• Kicking team in 1st half is receiving team in 2nd half;
• Only 1 first-down possibility per drive (located at mid-field);
• Only 1 blitz per set of downs;
• Defense can rush the passer after “5 Mississippi” count;
• Quarterback can’t run with the ball unless rushed/blitzed;
• Touchdowns worth 1 point;
• No field goals, no extra points; and
• If overtime is needed, no sudden death scoring; both teams play till one team scores touchdown and second team fails to answer.

Rather than playing in a park or vacant field, we got the bright idea to play on an actual football field this year, and thus took over the Camp Hill field at Siebert Park. Artificial turf! And as it turns out, I brought my soccer cleats and found the conditions to be glorious.

Now, because we’re all near or over 40, we realized there was simply no way we’d be able to use the entire field. So, we opted to cut the field in half, both by length and width. In other words, our playing surface was roughly 50 yards by 26 yards. Again, we’re old.

We won the coin toss and elected to kick off in the first half. Not a bad strategy, though we foolishly “kicked off” (threw the ball) directly to Avery, who proceeded to run it back for the opposing team’s first (and only) score. Down 1-0, we marched down the field and returned the favor. Now, I can’t quite remember if it was Mitch or Josh who threw our opening score, but I can say for certain that I was on the receiving end.

Tied at 1-1, we elected to have Matt punt the kick-off, which was a huge mistake. I think the ball traveled 10 yards directly out of bounds. Fortunately our defense stepped up and held them scoreless, as would be the case for the remainder of the event. Meanwhile, I caught two more touchdown passes: the first was behind me in the end zone, forcing me to contort my body mid-air; the second was pretty much a jump ball between myself and Pete. Pete managed to get a hand on the ball and tip it, only he tipped it straight up and I managed to come down with it in the end zone.

On the defensive end, Josh managed to knock down a couple would-be receptions, while Matt S. took a shot to the ribs in the opening event (which would force him to later wrap himself like a burrito, though I sadly don’t have any pictures).

When the dust settled, we walked away with a 3-1 victory, thus setting the tone for the day.

Red stifles “Blue” (Nice “blue” shirt, Matt!) (Red, l to r: Matt S., Josh, Brandon, Mitch) (“Blue,” l to r: Nick, Matt B., Pete, Avery)

Football Final Score: M, M, J and B defeat M, P, N and A, 3-1
Event MVP: Tie, Brandon and Josh
Overall Score: We (M, M, J and B) lead Them (M, P, N and A), 1-0

Event 2: Tennis

Rules:

• Two sets of doubles;
• One set per match;
• If each team wins one match, a third match is played (best two sets out of three); and
• No third set tiebreaker.

Mitch and Josh (the stronger of our two teams, as Matt S. and I pretty much don’t play anymore) took on Matt B. and Pete in match 1, while Matt S. and I battled Nick and Avery in match 2. Although we played on courts alongside one another, the matches were played simultaneously, so I didn’t really have an opportunity to watch the other match. As it turns out, I don’t think I really would have had a chance to watch, as Mitch and Josh demolished their opponents by a score of 6-1.

Our match, however, was a nail-biter. Every game but one, I believe, went to deuce, and pretty much every one of those games had multiple deuces. We jumped out to an early 2-0 lead, though quickly fell behind 4-2, and later 5-4. Our opponents had three match points against us at that point, yet failed to convert. Somehow we managed to get it back to 5-5, and eventually went on to take the match down with a 7-5 victory. I give the credit to Matt S., who did a fine job at the net. And while I certainly improved as the match went on, I never felt comfortable. Kudos to Nick and Avery, who both played well. Their effort, however, was all for naught.

(I should note that Mitch and Josh provided wonderful video commentary of our match; however, I’m too cheap to pay for the premium version of WordPress, so video uploads aren’t an option. You’ll have to take my word that they exist.)

Matt and Brandon, awaiting serve

Avery and Nick, serving

Matt B. and Pete can only watch

An unfazed Mitch and Josh and an exhausted Brandon and Matt S. celebrate their respective victories.

Tennis Final Score: M & J defeat M & P, 6-1; M & B defeat N & A, 7-5
Event MVP: Tie, Mitch, Josh and Matt S.
Overall Score: We lead Them, 2-0

Event 3: Home Run Derby

Rules:

• 3 innings;
• Each batter gets 3 outs per inning; each team gets 12 outs per inning;
• 3 strikes equal 1 out;
• Ball is foul (a strike) if it doesn’t roll forward after contact or hits the net;
• Balls over the fence are home runs;
• Balls over the fence may not be caught for outs; and
• Teammates pitch to one another.

I’m not gonna lie: this one was a bit of a slog, so we shortened it from 5 innings to 3 innings. We realized pretty quickly that there was too much standing around on the part of the non-hitting team, so we figured we’d speed things up a bit. We elected to play on the tennis courts where we just completed our second event, thus hitting from one set of courts onto the other. And while we didn’t measure a distance, we determined the batter should be at the “T” of one court while the pitcher stood on the other side of the net. Complicated explanation, I know.

My awful, awful depiction of the HR Derby set-up

The other team won the coin toss and elected to be the home team, thus our team batted first. Matt S. hit first, followed by me, then Josh, then Mitch. We were at a huge disadvantage, as Matt’s ribs were a mess following his football injury; thus, he opted to hit one-handed. And believe it or not, he homered. Several times. It was nearly effortless. I, too, hit a few over the fence in my initial at bat. Josh? He popped one, too. Not so much for Mitch.

Going into the last inning, I believe we were down 13-12. Somehow I managed to hit four home runs in my final at bat (8 total), and coupled with my teammates’ homers, we went up 19-13. Matt B. got up to the plate and immediately hit two out, but that was all he could muster. And he didn’t get much help from his teammates, as we ended up taking the event by a final score of 19-17.

Fortunately random strangers continued to walk by to snap pictures

Home Run Derby Final Score: We defeat Them, 19-17
Event MVP: Tie, Brandon & Matt S.
Overall Score: We lead Them, 3-0

Event 4: Bocce

Rules:

• Team play (red balls vs. black balls);
• Each player throws one ball per round;
• One game played to 21;
• Any part of the field is “in bounds”;
• Teams may score a max of 4 points per round; and
• Must win by 2.

Bocce, to my disappointment, was nearly cut this year. Seems some people (ahem, Mitch) weren’t as keen on including it this time around. I, however, fought for it, as I love the game and have performed pretty well in Brolympics past. Funny, then, that we not only played, but that I played so horribly. Fortunately the same can’t be said for teammates.

Rather than playing in an undulating field with patches of dirt and grass, we opted to return to the football field and play on the stretch of turf behind the end zone. So, for once, a flat Bocce “court” would be used. As I’ve noted in the past, we don’t play the typical Bocce game, in that there are no perfectly rectangular sand courts utilized; rather, we chuck that tiny ball wherever the hell we damn well please.

Our opponents got out to a fast 5-0 start, led by Nick’s prowess around the Bocce court. We stormed back, though, and went on (I believe) a 17-0 run. Mitch and Josh both played particularly well, but it was Mitch led us to our fourth straight victory, as we bitch-slapped them yet again.

I should point out that the rain began to fall during Bocce, which was, perhaps, a blessing, as it was crazy humid outside. What’s more, we smelled. Bad.

This shot came compliments of the timer on Mitch’s iPhone

Bocce Final Score: We defeat Them, 21-9
Event MVP: Mitch
Overall Score: We lead Them, 4-0

Event 5: Kan Jam

Rules:

• Two matches, with each match being best 2 games out of 3;
• If both teams win a match, a third match tiebreaker will be played (best 2 games out of 3); and
• Games played to 21 exactly.

After a quick stop for food (and the day’s first beers), we opted to reshuffle the order of events, as the rain was beginning to come down pretty good. Cornhole was slated as the fifth event, but the rain would have destroyed the bags, and nobody wants that. So, instead we moved the competition to the parking lot behind Nick’s house, where we decided some rain-saturated Kan Jam could easily take place. (Based on how hard it began to rain, we let our arrogance get the best of us. In fact, it got so bad at one point that we stopped playing completely and took shelter in Mitch’s car.)

In the opening match, we put up Josh and Matt S., our two “weakest” players, after the other team put up Avery and Matt B., who I would consider the strongest Kan Jam competitors among us all. Our strategy was such that we were willing to essentially give up one match if it meant taking the second match and forcing a tiebreaker. (Mitch, for some reason, had trouble with this strategy, though the rest of us agreed it made sense.) Avery and Matt B., seasoned players, easily handled Josh and Matt S., beating them two straight and sending us down 0-1.

And then the rains came…

This rain delay is brought to you by Canadian beer (and American beards)

After a lengthy delay, we started the second match. Mitch and I took game 1 from Pete and Nick, and then it happened: Nick slotted his disc in game 2, thus ripping the momentum from us. Game 3 was theirs for the taking. If I’m not mistaken, they were up 20-17, needing only 1 point to win. But they didn’t. And we did.

So, the tiebreaker came to fruition just as I imagined it would: Avery and Matt B. versus me and Mitch. Before Brolympics began, I resigned myself to thinking that Kan Jam was one of the events we would most certainly lose, as we knew they had four solid players. But then something happened. Up 20-13 in game 1, they couldn’t shut the door. Mitch and I got it to 20-19, and eventually forced overtime. And then a second overtime. When the dust settled, I think we ended up winning game 1 by a combined score of 25-24, though none of us were smart enough to write anything down, so who knows.

At this point we needed to win only one of the next two games. And then, on my second throw, I shouted: “Don’t touch it!” as I knew it was going to hit. A second later, as the disc began to make it’s way through the slot, I proclaimed, “It’s in!” That’s right. I slotted my throw to win the game, something I don’t believe I’d ever done before. Upset city. In a race to six wins, things weren’t looking good…

Taken at the Maennerchor later that afternoon, again on Mitch’s iPhone

An attempt to jump and high-five, as it was our fifth win (so dumb, I know)

Kan Jam Final Score: M & B defeat A & M, 2-0
Event MVP: Tie, Brandon and Mitch
Overall Score: We lead Them, 5-0

Event 6: Cornhole

Rules:

• Two matches, with each match being best 2 games out of 3;
• If both teams win a match, a third match tiebreaker will be played (best 2 games out of 3);
• Games played to 21;
• “Skunk” in effect (meaning 11-0 wins the game); and
• Must win game by 2 points.

While I knew that we had a chance at Cornhole, I also realized it wasn’t a good one, particularly because our best Cornholer was still nursing that rib injury, thus making it difficult for him to throw the bags. Additionally, I knew coming in that they would likely dominate us in this event, as Matt B. is easily the best Cornholer I’ve ever seen, and his teammates — particularly Avery — have game, as well. Still, I had hope all the same, although very little. Okay, none.

Following the rain debacle, we all made our way to our separate headquarters, showered, and agreed to meet back at the Maennerchor for Cornhole, Pool, Darts and Shuffleboard. Fortunately Nick was good enough to call ahead and ask if we could use their upstairs space for Cornhole, as the rain outside simply wouldn’t allow it. And the folks at Das Maennerchor were good enough to comply.

Matt S., full extension

Nick and Matt B. took on Matt S. and Mitch in match 1, with their team winning both games in a sweep, putting them up 1-0. Match 2, while close, ended in similar fashion.

While waiting for our match, Pete fashioned a “speaker” for his iPhone out of a clip-on lamp

Avery and I stood at one end, while Josh and Pete stood at the other. And although I started slowly, I certainly came on, with Avery and I throwing many “no blood” rounds against one another to the point of sheer amazement. In the end, though, the other guys finally got off the schneid and took us down two games to none, thus eliminating the chance of a Brolympics shutout. Oh, well. They earned it.

The bad guys win one. (Where are your goddamn shirts, Nick and Avery?!)

Cornhole Final Score: They defeat Us, 2-0
Event MVP: Tie: Avery, Matt B., Nick and Pete
Overall Score: We lead Them, 5-1

Event 7: Pool

Rules

• Two matches,  with each match being best 2 games out of 3;
• If both teams win a match, a third match tiebreaker will be played (best 2 games out of 3);
• 8-Ball (must call pockets);
• Alternate shot; and
• Scratch on the 8-Ball is a loss only if cue ball is also pocketed; and

Bowling was slotted as the seventh competition, but we opted to put it on hold in the interest of time and instead move forward with Pool. The event got somewhat controversial, which will become clear as to why in a moment. (Granted, we’d been drinking a lot by this point, so I guess it goes without saying that controversy wasn’t far behind.) Like Kan Jam, Mitch and I realized we were the superior players on our team, having both played in a pool league for several years. Unfortunately, three members on the other team did so, as well, thus putting us at yet another disadvantage. It seemed that we defied the odds in several instances all day, though, so there was no need to believe we wouldn’t do so here, either.

In match 1, Matt S. and Josh squared off against Avery and Pete, whereas Mitch and I contested Nick and Matt B. in match 2. Their match didn’t last long, as it appeared that Pete went apeshit in the first game and cleaned up rather quickly. They took game 2, as well, thus putting us in an 0-1 hole. (I should note that these matches were played simultaneously.) We lost the first game in our match, but stormed back to take the next two games, thus tied at one match apiece. (Again, I should note that, like Kan Jam and Cornhole, I wanted to do a best of five rather than a best of three. I was outvoted. Dicks.)

Pete: “Have any of you seen our dignity?”

So, then, here’s where the controversy arose. The other team believed that they should have the option of putting up the two players of their choosing, yet we insisted that the winning team should be the one to play in the Finals. In other words, if two players won their match, those same two players move on. After much discussion/debate, we agreed to let each team put up whoever they wanted, and they opted to go with Nick and Pete, whereas we stuck with myself and Mitch. And we won.

Mitch’s selfie game is on point, yo

Game over.

Champions

Pool Final Score: M & B defeat N and P, 2-0
Event MVP: Mitch
Overall Score: We win, 6-1

So what does this mean? It means we needed only seven events to take down the fourth “annual” Brolympics. Sad, really, that we had to leave so many events on the table, but seeing as how we’d been at it for roughly 13 (drunken) hours at this point, so be it. To be fair to our opponents, us four have been playing these stupid games as a group for many, many years. Losing simply wasn’t an option, and other stupid cliches. What’s more, nobody outside our locker room believed in us. (That may very well be the worst sports cliche of them all.)

Currently, the ref’s shirt/”cup” remains unsigned, so we still need to get our hands on a white Sharpie to etch our names into the trophy, so to speak. What’s more, we need to line up competition for the next Brolympics. Any takers among you? If so, start getting your team together. Competition welcome.

Until the next Brolympics, have at it, you vultures!

CB