Posted by: cousinbrandon | August 20, 2009

Favre, Favre Away: The Poem I Wrote the Last Time Brett Favre Retired (and Returned)

I was just going through some old documents on my computer when I came across a poem I wrote about Brett Favre after his decision to come out of retirement.  Sadly, I wrote it a year ago! 

That’s right, back in August of 2008 I wrote and read a poem about Favre’s coming out of retirement here.  And now, an entire year later, here we are again experiencing the exact same scenario, only this time he’s returning in Viking purple as opposed to Jet green.  Either way, I claim shenanigans.

So, to celebrate my disgust for this geriatric, Wrangler-toting shill, I now give you the aforementioned poem celebrating Favre’s then-return to the NFL with the New York Jets:

It’s time to take the creeps to task with yet another rhyme
As they perpetrate their evil like the Joker plots a crime.
But even Ledger’s Joker was a man of principle
Which is more than I can say for Brett Favre the Invincible.

I could have sworn “retire” meant to quit or go away,
Yet his decrepit body reeks a little more each passing day.
You quit, old man, you gave your speech and cried for all to see,
So can’t you fade into the background with a lick of dignity?

How much money did the league blow on your many farewell montages
Just to watch you stroll on back cause your ego needs massages?
Sure, you’re somewhat bankable, a la the lovely Danica Patrick,
But I’d prefer to watch that skirt race cars over a fading geriatric.

“I’m in, I’m out, I quit, I’m back, I want to be a Packer,
I’m a starter not a back-up; screw you, Aaron Rogers slacker!
I got that itch, I wanna’ play, I’m still as good as it gets,
I’m humble as can be; aw, hell, I’m playing for the Jets?!”

You’ve been there, what, a couple weeks and already you’re complaining
That your arm is somewhat tired and the O-line needs some training.
But last I checked you’re old and tired, and your vision’s in serious doubt:
How the hell will you hit Cotchery on a downfield crossing route?

Listen, Favre, you flaky creep, it’s time you went away,
With your 288 INTs, a record to this day!
Sure, Packer fans will call you legend till the day you die,
But to me you’ll always be a gleam in Mr. Madden’s eye.

Does that make anything right in the world?  Nah.  But at the very least it lets me make fun of an old man, so there’s that.

I can’t quit you, NFL…

Now, then, have at it, you vultures!



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