Posted by: cousinbrandon | September 1, 2009

The Angry Alphabet: Things I Hate, From A to Z (C)

And now, I give you letter “C” of “The Angry Alphabet”:


You’re hideous, Manilow.

Oh, where to begin. I mean, lambasting Manilow is in itself a full-time job, so to focus on one song in particular seems a bit more manageable. “Copacabana”?! Really?! You should be ashamed, Manilow, and not because this is among your worst songs (let’s face it: they’re all equally terrible). Rather, there’s simply no escaping the horror that is your voice, this melody, these lyrics, this song. What’s more, I can’t hear “Copacabana” without then thinking of Annie Potts in Pretty in Pink, singing it in that nasally excuse of a voice as she gets ready in her bedroom for her big date. (Yes, that was Annie Potts of Designing Women fame, and, yes, she’s also heart-stoppingly awful.)

The “storyline” of “Copabana”? Some whore dancer in a South American club is ogled and beguiles Tony the bartender, and her tale is traced throughout various eras and dances of said eras. Wow. Fascinating. Seriously, Manilow, you’re a poor excuse for a human being, and to wreak this sort of evil on mankind is unforgivable. And by the way, how did you transform yourself from Manilow into Senior PGA golfer and two-time Masters champion Bernhard Langer? Creepy.

Barry Mani-langer?!

And by the way, if you still doubt the utter horror that is “Copacabana,” I dare you to have a listen.

See, I told you so. Fuckin’ disco!

So, until “D” pops its awful head up, have at it, you vultures!




  1. I would also like to nominate the Rednex song “Cotton-Eye Joe” which may be in fact the worst song ever put to tape. It definitely was the most egregious of the songs of the most disgusting musical fad that I’ve even known. Those awful pop techno songs like that one and Barbie Girl and the Macarena that would just get jammed into the deepest part of your brain and drive you nuts for days because of their repetition. I swear that whole fad was the big joke of some evil, deranged psychologist.

    Man, that Manilow/Langer thing is creepy.

    • Oof. Great point, Robots. That “Cotton-Eye Joe” and “Barbie Girl” are among the worst atrocities known to man. Now I’ve never put out a contract-killing, but if I ever did, well, Rachael Ray can take solace in knowing she won’t be alone on the list.

  2. Cheers to that!

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