Posted by: cousinbrandon | September 22, 2009

The Angry Alphabet: Things I Hate, From A to Z (K)

Kramer vs. Kramer

I’ve never seen it. Bits and pieces over the years, but never the whole thing. All I know is that Dustin Hoffman and Meryl Streep are going through the process of getting divorced while their bowl-haired kid learns how to ride a bike and falls from the monkey bars or some shit like that. Fascinating. Don’t believe me? All you have to do is watch the trailer.

I’m sure it’s a fine film, and as someone who just went through a divorce and is now doing the whole co-parenting thing, I’m sure I can relate. So why do I hate Kramer vs. Kramer? Simple. Because a movie about two people who can no longer stomach being in the same room with one another won the Academy Award for Best Picture over Francis Ford Coppola’s epic, Apocalyspe Now.

A couple months ago my pals Mike and “Larry” over at LCS Hockey welcomed me on to their radio show, where we debated the Top 11 Worst Films to Win the Academy Award for Best Picture. Sure enough Kramer vs. Kramer was on my list, and rightfully so.

That’s right! This…

Beat this! Thanks, Tootsie.

Look, I’m not one of those people who defend Apocalypse Now as the greatest bit of cinema ever to hit the big screen, nor do I regard it as one of my top 20 movies of all time, but let’s give it it’s proper kudos, shall we? I mean, anytime you manage to get Sheen (Martin, you understand, not his coke-sniffing, hooker-renting, terrible sitcome-starring, sack of shit son), Brando, Duvall, Hopper, and a young Laurence Fishburne gathered together on the same set, all the while directed by one Francis Ford Coppola…well, sorry, Mr. and soon-to-be-ex Mrs. Kramer, but you two can suck it!

I guess this should come as no surprise, really, as the Academy Awards are just one more fuckfest of the Man getting it wrong. Year after year the Academy manages to screw things up in the worst way, which is why I’ve given on watching it altogether. I mean, if I wanted to watch a few hours of unparalleled bullshit of the industry making screw up after screw up, I’d simply tune into the Emmys, where LOST is the recipient of only one stinkin’ award and there’s an actual trophy handed out for “Outstanding Host For A Reality or a Reality-Competition Program.”

Sweet Jesus, life, what have you done to me?

That’s all for now. Until “L” makes its way into your world, have at it, you vultures!




  1. Not to mention that it is a redux-Vietnam-style of Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad, a book on which I wrote many many many papers. (Okay, 3, but they seemed like eleventy billion.)

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