Posted by: cousinbrandon | September 28, 2009

Haiku-l it Now, You’ve Got to Slow It Down: The Week in Twitter Haiku

Man, another week’s worth of haiku has come and gone, and yet I’m still not doing this profesionally. What gives, World?

This installment covers Monday, September 21 through Sunday, September 27, focusing on everything from Mad Men to shooting pool to It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia to the Steelers. Keep on reading along here, and/or follow me on Twitter (@CousinBrandon) and get this useless nonsense when it’s hot off the presses. You know, like your daily (yet folding) newspaper. It’s really your choice. Think of me as the Hebrew Dungeon Master, more than willing to give you options, but nagging you all the while.

And please, for the love of God, tell me you understood the “Cool It Now” reference in the title!

NFL Head-Scratching Haiku (September 21, 2009)

The Pats and Steelers
both have losses, but Denver’s
2 and 0?! Fuck me!

Mad Men Haiku 13 (September 21, 2009)

Betsy to her son:
“Only boring people are
bored.” Self-assessment.

Attention Spambots Haiku (September 21, 2009)

If you’re going to
follow me, please wait until
I jump off a cliff.

Mad Men Haiku 14 (September 22, 2009)

“One more promotion
and we’ll be answering phones.”
You whoop ass, Campbell.

Mad Men Haiku 15 (September 22, 2009)

Is John Deere happy
or pissed off about its “pub”?
Beware of tractors!

New York State Motto Haiku (September 23, 2009)

Yankees in playoffs.
Plaxico in jail. New York:
the way things should be.

Mad Men Haiku 16 (September 23, 2009)

the shot of Don and Joan in
the waiting room ruled!

The Daughters and the Papas Haiku (September 24, 2009)

One father’s incest
is another woman’s “date.”
Hope you burn in hell.

To the Asshole I Shot Pool Against Last Night Haiku (September 25, 2009)

Acting like you can’t
believe you missed each time you
miss is annoying.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Haiku 3 (September 25, 2009)

“I eat stickers all
the time, bro!” Fantastic line.
So-so episode.

To the Asshole I Shot Pool Against Last Night Haiku 2 (September 25, 2009)

Just because you called
your date “Baby” didn’t make
her less of a man.

Morning Grumpiness Haiku (September 26, 2009)

Nothing says rested
like a 3 AM wake-up
by your five-year-old.

To the Couple I was Eavesdropping On Earlier Haiku (September 26, 2009)

Have the courtesy
of holding an interesting
conversation. Jerks.

College Football is Still the Worst Haiku (September 27, 2009)

Penn State defeated.
A silence across the mid-
state, save my laughter.

The Steelers Can’t Finish Haiku (September 27, 2009)

You’ve blown it late two
weeks in a row, like a post-
orgasm hooker.

Well, that’s it for this week’s haiku. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!




  1. ‘Just because you called
    your date “Baby” didn’t make
    her less of a man.’ <~~~~~WIN.

    Was this at Shady's, perchance? I might know the shim you might be referring to.

    • Indeed it was. Tall-ish “woman” with an extraordinarily large lower lip. [Quiver.]

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