Posted by: cousinbrandon | October 5, 2009

Haiku Your Jets: The Week in Twitter Haiku

Holy hell! Another stinkin’ week of Haiku? Already? What’s more, it’s October?! And by the way, I still struggle with figuring out what day it is anytime one month bleeds into another. Can’t we just standardize this thing already and have every month start on a Monday, [insert month here] 1st, and end on Sunday, [insert same month here] 28th. See, four nice and clean weeks every month. And for those of you born on the 29th and later, tough shit! Blame your parents. It works for most of us.

This installment covers Monday, September 28 through Sunday, October 4, hitting Mad Men, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, football, helping a friend move, and Married with Children? (Yeah, I went there. I love me some Ed O’Neil.) You can keep on reading along here, and/or follow me on Twitter (@CousinBrandon) and cut out the middleman. It’s completely up to you. Really. You need to start making some of your own decisions and quit blaming me every time something goes wrong. Now, go pick up your room.

The Reason I Lost My Weekly Fantasy Football Match Haiku (September 28, 2009)

Really, Mr. Brees?
Not a single TD pass?
I hope a flood hits!

Mad Men Haiku 17 (September 28, 2009)

The “three bed” sequence
to open the episode
was incredible.

Mad Men Haiku 18 (September 28, 2009)

Peggy screwing Duck
reminded me of something:
Mackenzie Phillips.

Mad Men Haiku 19 (September 29, 2009)

Are we positive
Baby Gene is really Don’s?
You’re a whore, Betty.

Mad Men Haiku 20 (September 29, 2009)

Maybe the darkest
episode to date. Awkard
moments abound, Teach!

Mad Men Haiku 21 (September 29, 2009)

My only complaint:
not enough Campbell. What a
wonderful douchebag.

What Happens in Oakland… Haiku (September 29, 2009)

“Cable broke my jaw.
Took the under: Russell’s got
one more year in town.”

Helping a “Friend” Move Haiku (September 30, 2009)

Moving all your shit
makes us even now. Next time,
get movers, Cheapskate.

Married with Children Haiku (October 1, 2009)

Al Bundy sells shoes,
hates sex with his wife. Sorry
if I spoiled it

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Haiku 4 (October 2, 2009)

Danny Devito
swinging from a rope? Jesus,
that’s comedy gold.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Haiku 5 (October 2, 2009)

Did anyone else
notice the Dave & Buster’s
plugs? Oh, me neither.

So What Else is New Haiku (October 3, 2009)

Awake too early
on a Saturday morning.
Thanks, Insomnia.

Return of the NHL Haiku (October 3, 2009)

Wait, Hockey started?
When did the calendar go
from 12 months to 8?

Our American School System Haiku (October 3, 2009)

Just bekauz i kant
spell so good duznt meen i’m
stoopid, yo. Respekt.

October 3, 3009 Haiku (October 3, 2009)

Beep Bop Beep Beep Boo,
Beep Beep Boo. Bop Bop Bop Beep
Beep Beep. Boo! Beep Boo.

To Owner of My Local Bar On Its 2nd Anniversay Haiku (October 4, 2009)

Nice party, douchebag.
Really went all out. Did you
have those drunks shipped in?

Well, there you have it.  Another week of haiku come and gone.  I need a minute.

Until next time, have at it, you vultures!




  1. I went to Dave and Buster’s for the first time on Sunday thanks to those guys. Unfortunately I didn’t get the steak, but at least I have a D&B card now.

    • Well, you’ll try it out at the Fox Chase TGIFriday’s if you know what’s good for you.

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