You know, it’s starting to seem like every Monday I’m writing an entry on my weekly Twitter haiku. Coincidence? This is like Ghostbusters-creepy.
This installment covers Monday, October 5 through Sunday, October 11, hitting Mad Men, Philadelphians, Brett Favre, fantasy baseball, and a slew of other bullshit. As always, you can keep on reading along here, and/or follow me on Twitter (@CousinBrandon). And by the way, if you’re in the midst of some sort of personal dilemma, asking yourself, “What form of social media is right for me,” please, consult a physician.
The Steelers Cost Me Money Haiku (October 5, 2009)
You just HAD to win
by ten! That’s one-hundred ninety
bucks you owe me.
Mad Men Haiku 22 (October 5, 2009)
Your Italian was
impressive, Birdie. So was
your naked body.
Mad Men Haiku 23 (October 5, 2009)
Oh, Pete. The nanny?
How cliche. How wonderfully,
Mad Men Haiku 24 (October 5, 2009)
Why do I despise
the Governor’s assistant?
Betty’s the real whore.
Mad Men Haiku 25 (October 5, 2009)
Almost afraid to
mention it, but are Duck and
Peggy still fucking?
My New Fantasy Baseball Strategy Haiku (October 5, 2009)
Cabrera blew a
.26 before first pitch.
GOT to trade for him.
He’s Your Problem Now, Minnesota Haiku (October 6, 2009)
Don’t know if you’ve heard,
but Favre’s like a kid out there.
An annoying kid.
What to Do in the Offseason Haiku (October 7, 2009)
Good thing that’s over
with. Now Miggy can focus
on beating his wife.
Another Day at the Office Haiku (October 8, 2009)
It would be so much
easier to buy a rope.
Oh, sweet, sweet release.
National Poetry Day Haiku (October 8, 2009)
A poem that rhymes
does not a better poem
make. Fucking morons!
National Poetry Day Haiku 2 (October 8, 2009)
If you iambic
my pentameter, promise
to cummings on you.
Matt Holliday Haiku (October 9, 2009)
Tell me what hurts more:
costing your team a playoff
win, or a nut shot?
Your New Owner Might Be a Racist Haiku (October 9, 2009)
Black players won’t play
for Limbaugh. Strangely enough,
neither will white ones.
You’re Still the Anti-Christ Haiku (October 10, 2009)
tying the game doesn’t make
your lips less purple.
Attack of the Hoagie People Haiku (October 11, 2009)
Weekends in Philly
remind you just how ugly
Philly accents are.
Mad Men “Your Guess Is As Good As Mine” Haiku (October 11, 2009)
I don’t have a clue
about tonight’s episode.
Bet Draper gets fucked.
Well, that’s do it for this week’s worth of Twitter haiku. These 3-line, 17-syllable poems are my babies. My naked, foul-mouthed babies, but babies still. So, until next Monday, have at it, you vultures!