Posted by: cousinbrandon | October 19, 2009

Too Haiku for School: The Week in Twitter Haiku

I’m starting to ask myself where I find the time. Blogs, Tweets, Job(s), Fantasy Sports… How’s a guy supposed to balance all of this and still crap out haikus on a daily basis? I need to pull a Michael Keaton a la that shitfest Multiplicity and get myself some kind of cloning device. Granted, more me means more evil, but c’mon, World, you survived Hitler, Mao, Mussolini and Dr. Phil. What’s one more asshole, right?

This installment of haikus covers Monday, October 12 through Sunday, October 18, hitting Mad Men, Columbus Day, a trip to the beach, and, of course, Balloon Boy. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or if you’re impatient (like me) you can find me on Twitter (@CousinBrandon). Now then, folks, let’s all take a deep breath, count to ten, and just pass out on the floor…

Sorry, I was temporarily distracted. My cat made a weird noise that was something between a burp and a car horn. Animals are weird.

Mad Men Haiku 26 (October 12, 2009)

I’m glad Betty came
to her senses. Irony,
you fucked a teacher.

Mad Men Haiku 27 (October 12, 2009)

Oh, Connie Hilton,
you’re even more fickle than
your bitch granddaughter.

Christopher Columbus is Overrated Haiku (October 13, 2009)

You got a raw deal,
Amerigo Vespucci.
Hell, it’s in your name!

Too Much Red Wine Haiku (October 14, 2009)

You’ve done it again,
Cabernet. Quit being so
palatable, Grape!

Cyndi Lauper’s Career is Also Dead, Lou Haiku (October 14, 2009)

Joining the army
does not make you a captain.
Rubber bands don’t help.

Too Exhausted to Function Properly Haiku (October 15, 2009)

I love you, Coffee,
but sometimes you let me down.
Need eyelid crutches.

To Balloon Boy’s Parents Haiku (October 15, 2009)

Who HASN’T lost a
6-year-old to helium?
Up, up and away!

Haiku for the Twitter Folk Haiku (October 16, 2009)

#Followfriday? Sure,
if you say so, Twitter…as
Haiku-sually.

What My Daughter’s Not Getting for Christmas Haiku (October 16, 2009)

A hot air balloon.
A roof over her head. You
know, cause of closets.

Weather Report From the Beach Haiku (October 17, 2009)

Raining cats and dogs.
Literally. Just bit by
a wet Doberman.

Seven Guys In a Beach House Haiku (October 18, 2009)
Never realized
I could drink so much booze in
so little time. Cheers!

To the Hostess Who Didn’t Seat Us at the Restaurant Haiku (October 18, 2009)

So much attitude.
I didn’t like your mom jeans
or your pink sneakers.

Well, that’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!

BD

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