Posted by: cousinbrandon | November 9, 2009

The Statue Got Me Haiku: The Week in Twitter Haiku

Okay, so this week’s title is a bad play on a They Might Be Giants song. Shoot me.

I don’t know what to make of this weather bullshit. Woke up Saturday morning and the lawn was covered with frost. Had to crank up the heat and bask in the scent of my oil-ridden house. (And if you don’t know what I’m referring to, you’ve obviously not read “Letter M” in The Angry Alphabet.) This morning? I check the weather report and see the temperature should reach 68-degrees by this afternoon. Look, Mother Nature, I appreciate the fact that you’ve got a sense of humor, but when I can no longer depend on you to get the whole temperature-by-month thing in order, I think it’s high time you give up the moniker in exchange for “Local Weatherman.”

This installment of haikus covers Monday, November 2 through Sunday, November 8, hitting Mad Men, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, those damn Yankees, the turning of the seasons, and the joys of parenthood. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or simply subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Either way, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Coming Down Off My High Haiku (October 2, 2009)

I’m not sure which let
me down more: all those Kit-Kat
bars or the Phillies.

Mad Men Haiku 33 (October 3, 2009)

“Come on, Creative.
Be creative.” Hot damn, Duck,
you’re all kinds of smooth.

Mad Men Haiku 34 (October 3, 2009)

While I understand
Betty’s anger towards Don,
Henry? Really? Ugh.

What’s the Over/Under on Days Till Cancellation? Haiku (October 4, 2009)

“Lopez Tonight” starts
in 5 days. “Lopez Tonight”
ends in 15 days.

Evil Empire Haiku (October 4, 2009)

Rooting for Yankees
is like rooting for crib death.
Or bowel cancer.

Things Money Can Buy Haiku (October 5, 2009)

Happiness. World
Series championship rings.
Fuck yourselves, Yankees!

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Haiku 9 (October 6, 2009)

After last night, I
know what everyone’s gets for
Christmas: Dick Towels.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia Haiku 10 (October 6, 2009)

Well, except for my
cats. Kitten Mittons abound
come this December.

Impending Doom Haiku (October 7, 2009)

The frost-covered lawn.
The leaves have turned and fallen.
Fuck yourself, Winter.

New Rule for My 5-Year-Old Haiku (October 8, 2009)

If you’re gonna wake
me so early, at least make
a pot of coffee.

Well, that’ll do it for this week’s installment of Twitter haiku. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!




  1. […] For those of you who vist the Mr. Hipster Blog on Mondays, you’re already familiar with my weekly collection of Twitter Haiku. For those of you who aren’t on Twitter, well, these are some of the fine people you’re […]

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