Posted by: cousinbrandon | November 13, 2009

Just Writing to Say Hai(ku): Twitter Haiku, Follow Friday Edition

This here is a special round of applause to some of the good folks I follow on Twitter. For those of you who vist the Mr. Hipster Blog on Mondays, you’re already familiar with my weekly collection of Twitter Haiku. For those of you who aren’t on Twitter, well, these are some of the fine people you’re missing on a regular basis.

With that, may I wish you all a fine Follow Friday, and thanks again for giving me a daily reason to enjoy both laughter and liquor:

@Toy_A Haiku:

I love the avi
as much as the biting wit.
She’s Cape Town’s finest.

@SamGrittner Haiku:

His grasp of the pun
is equaled only by his
grasp on his own junk.

@gothscifigirl Haiku:

Lisa puts the “harm”
in “pharmacist.” Thanks bunches
for your nerdiness.

@bestgirlbetty Haiku:

Whenever I think
“Sex” and “Dynamite,” I think

@ruthakers Haiku:

My dear Ruth Akers,
how your children make us all
long for abstinence.

@lafix Haiku:

Which do I love more:
your feet(s) or your tweets? I’d say
both are well done, Sweets.

@debihope Haiku:

My wish for you is
this: a full cup of coffee
and a good hair day.

@iamnotdiddy Haiku:

You are not Diddy;
rather, you are worth paying
attention to. Thanks.

@FussySaffa Haiku:

South African in
the UK, FussySaffa,
you are oh so sweet.

@HerCuteness Haiku:

Shall I compare your
tushy to a mid-summer’s
day, or just rub it?

@Mela_De Haiku:

Ahoy, Florida,
you’ve got Hurricane Mela_
De on your hands. Whoosh!

@MissCarlyPants Haiku:

Your impish grin and
charm put you on my list each
week. Nice pants, Lady.

@jenfunkyjen Haiku:

As your avatar
suggests, there really is no
rain when you’re around*.

@indecisiviously Haiku:

I still can’t say your
name correctly, but at least
you’re funny as hell.

@WadetoBlack Haiku:

Can’t we all of us
ride a motionless rooster
while tweeting, good sir?

@jorshuwah Haiku:

Australia, eh, Mate?
A thousand times funnier
than Paul “Croc” Hogan.

@TinyJesus Haiku:

You died for the sins
of others. Allegedly.
What’s God really like?

@Trick_or_tweet Haiku:

Whether it’s hockey
or cracking me up, Boston’s
lucky to have you.

@robdelaney Haiku:

Your humor is matched
only by your surrealist
wit and your Speedo.

@thatdjgallo Haiku:

Whether writing tweets
as you or SportsPickle, you
kill Bill Simmons.

@scoccaro Haiku:

Whether Panera
or some other coffee joint,
SC is lucky.

@imaudihere Haiku:

It might be fair to
say that no one makes me laugh
more consistently.

@frostinglickr Haiku:

You speak to high heels
as frequently as you speak
to CousinBrandon.

@TheFatJew Haiku:

Heavyset maybe,
but no one fucks a monkey
and that ass like you.

@MissPrissUSA Haiku:

If those feet of yours
are any indication,
I “heart” Missouri.

@JohnnyChimpo Haiku:

J. Chimpo, the guy
I’d most like to get high with
and write a haiku.

@apricotica Haiku:

One of my very
first favorites on this here
Twitter. Thanks, Woman.

@OFeelYah Haiku:

You’re wonderful and
weird, two qualities I look
for in a woman.

@bumpcrud Haiku:

Deep in the heart of
Texas rests bumpcrud in all
its tangy goodness.

@CheVolay Haiku:

If it’s Mexico
you’re looking for, ladies, Che
will be your tourguide.

@deseraestage Haiku:

Her photography
is amazing, as is her
knack for cursing. Score!

@EdgellACE Haiku:

Please, do not punch me
in the cunt or anywhere
else. Well, balls are fine.

@snackajawea Haiku:

You’ve got a cat in
your avi and a funny
in your heart. Good times.

@NotHot Haiku:

If only all of
us had a mother like you,
we would never tweet.

@carrmah Haiku:

He always brings the
funny, like a milkman with
bottled humor. Cheers.

@HenryRepeater Haiku:

The Midwest should be
proud to call you a native
son. And so should we.

@mcpc Haiku:

If mcpc
tells you what’s what, you listen
for fear of dying.

@TerrieSueWho Haiku:

Modest Mouse wrote a
song called “Ohio,” but did
they know Terrie Sue?

@kimberly627530 Haiku:

All those children and
yet you still bring the funny
and drunk? Thanks, Portland.

@MonikkaB Haiku:

Perhaps the only
tweeter whose self-portraits are
worth looking at. Thanks.

@NoirGeek Haiku:

He’s a funny guy
who wears a Steelers sweatshirt.
What more do you need?

@UncleDynamite Haiku:

Your monocle would
be creepy if it wasn’t
so goddamn funny.

Well, there it is. A whole slew of haikus for some of my favorite Twitter pals. And, I’m spent.

Until next time, have at it, you vultures!


*How is it possible that two of my favorite people on Twitter, @bestgirlbetty and @jenfunkyjen, are both celebrating birthdays today?! Happy Birthday, Ladies! You both kick a ridiculous amount of ass.



  1. I’m sad! No haiku for me. I was just about to climax but now I can’t stop crying and cutting myself.

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