Posted by: cousinbrandon | November 13, 2009

The Angry Alphabet: Things I Hate, From A to Z (W)


I couldn’t even bring myself to spell it out.  You do the math.

How’d they manage to stick all of those fireflies to their jewelry?

“Don’t make me stand up!”

It’s not nearly as intimidating when you’re “West Side Palm Springs.”

Hey, Fishmouth, your shit is crunk.

Congratulations, Douchebag. Your fake tan is the same shade as the stripe in your headband.

That’s right, ladies, you too can be thugs. I forget, which of the gangs sports pink?

Do not fuck with these broads. They will totally paint your nails the wrong shade of red.

It might be a good idea to take some of that shit off before working out, Mr. T.

Nothing says “Thug Life” like your childhood hockey photos.

You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, Jamie Kennedy.

Until next time, have at it, you vultures!




  1. I used to work with a lady (a rather large black lady) who was married to a wangsta preacher (he even had a grill). It was hilarious. I kept waiting for him to throw up JC gang signs.

  2. Nice! We got a bunch of those idiots in my small town. They call themselves the TOB – Thugs of Bridgewater. More like the Tits of Bridgewater…

    • They sound frightening. What happens when someone accidentally steps on their Timbs?

  3. I love that guy’s aluminum foil over cardboard dollar sign. Absolutely wonderful.

    You better look out too. When that dude gets out of his invisible box I hear he’s coming for you.

  4. Also, can we discuss the dude with 2 watches? Don’t tell me THAT dude (6th New Kid looking guy) needs to know what time it is in Tokyo to keep up with the foreign markets.

    • Look, he’s just tryin’ to keep it real. Quit hatin’!

      • OK, OK, I can say something nice. He did a fantastic job of making sure that he was not only color coordinated in his own outfit, but with his surroundings. He is also worlds more proficient with his “west side” than the weird dude in his kitchen a couple spots above.

        Would it be a positive thing if I said that fake tan guy has the best awful chinstrap that I’ve ever seen. He is #1.
        Lincoln would bitch slap that dude.

  5. I think you failed to point out the sweet pencil beard the douche with the fake tan has. Only thing he’s missing is some frosty tips.

    • It’s called a “chinstrap,” Sir, and it’s smooth as the day is long.

  6. Oh come now, I expect more of you. what is your subject with “W”? Are we exploring the area of “WTF”, “Why”, “What were you smoking”, “Who is your stylist”, you have left us the reader gaping for more….It is obvious you have built a social commentary on the youth of today and how fucked the older generation is with minimum wage expectations-ah, perhaps that is the mission…throw out the line and let the fish make their may to a conclusion! well done….

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