Posted by: cousinbrandon | November 30, 2009

Scariest Dog Ever? Hai-kujo: The Week in Twitter Haiku

For maybe the first time ever, I wrote a grand total of seven haikus this past week, one per day. And, sure enough, they’re primarily Thanksgiving-focused. You can just imagine the litany of holiday-themed haiku I’ll be churning out once Groundhog’s Day rolls around. Crazier, still, is the fact that today is the last day of November. I’m pretty sure the speed at which time goes by is directly proportional to growing older. I’m not suggesting there’s some sense of one’s own mortality, hence the feeling that with every passing day we’re one day closer to eteranl darkness. Rather, I’m thinking about the fact that, as a child, I knew no patience. Every birthday was a billion days away. Every trip to Hersheypark or the beach seemed like it would never come. (Conversely, every summer vacation ended way too soon, so I guess there was some sense of time moving in the wrong direction, even as a kid.) What does this sort of intropsection mean? Well, nothing. That is, nothing all that earth-shattering. Here we are a month away from 2010, which means: A) I’m approaching 35; and B) as John Cusack illustrated, we’re only two years off from the end of days. Smoke ’em if you got ’em.

This installment of haikus covers Monday, November 23 through Sunday, November 29, covering my insomnia (natch), my students, the difficulty of iambic pentameter and, of course, Thanksgiving. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or simply subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Either way, be sure to tip your waiter and bartender.

To the Practical Joker, Insomnia Haiku (November 23, 2009)

Five A.M. when my
kid’s here makes sense. Otherwise,
this shit ain’t funny.

Analogy for My Students Who Blew Off 1-on-1 Conference Haiku (November 24, 2009)

Not submitting draft:
Slap in face::Skipping conference:
Kick to my balls.

Iambic Pentameter Haiku (for @HenryRepeater) (November 25, 2009)

To write haiku i-
ambically is harder
than it sounds. I’m spent!

Happy Thanksgiving Haiku (November 26, 2009)

Another year of
drowning myself with turkey
and failure. Gobble!

Post-Thanksgiving Product Haiku (November 27, 2009)

From this point forward
they should market Thanksgiving
with Mom repellent.

Note to Last Night’s Bartender Haiku (November 28, 2009)

Don’t ask me if I’d
like another beer. In this
case, make assumptions.

What I’d Do With a Second Thanksgiving Haiku (November 29, 2009)

Eat more turkey. Drink
more booze. Cry often. Assume
fetal position.

That’ll do it for another week of Twitter Haiku. See you back here soon enough. Dollars to donuts you might find insomnia on here yet again.

Until then, have at it, you vultures!

BD

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