Posted by: cousinbrandon | December 14, 2009

The 12 Days of Pissed Miss: Helliday “Cheer” (Day 12)

With Christmas only 12 days away, and in the spirit of the whole “12 Days of Christmas” song that we’ve all come to know and despise love, I thought it might be nice this holiday season to feature a woman who’s become, well, something of a local legend in Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. Her name is Karen Snell. This is where she lives. Ms. Snell is a dog groomer and tailor. My mother is a long-time client of Karen’s. In fact, Karen tailored the suit I was bar mitzvahed in, oh, 21 years ago. (Sweet Jesus, I’m old!) So why, then, is this seemingly normal woman, dog groomer and tailor an aforementioned legend? Well, because of this:

I took this picture around 5 o’clock this morning. The pictured billboard is on Ms. Snell’s front lawn. A bit over the top, yes? Well, here’s the kicker: she changes the billboard every. stinkin’. day. This sign? It’s relatively mild, to be honest. No aborted fetuses, no anti-gay propaganda. Or, as I like to call it, “the usual stuff.”

For those of you not familiar with the area, Ms. Snell is located on a heavily traveled road that leads directly to the capital building in Harrisburg. So, yeah, people know her. That is, they know her signs. I guess now they know her name, too, huh?


Karen’s yard. Walnut Street, Harrisburg. 7:15 AM. December 14, 2009.

You might be wondering why I’ve decided to let you in on one of Harrisburg’s best kept secrets. Well, for three reasons: 1) Because, frankly, I can’t believe this evil bitch is permitted to “advertise” this kind of horseshit; 2) Because it’s the holiday season, and not everyone deserves your well wishes; and 3) Because I needed to prove to all of you that there are other people out there more angry (and way more stupid) than Cousin Brandon.

Be sure to check back all the way through Christmas Day to see what kind of holiday tidings this spawn of Satan woman continues to spread.

Until tomorrow, have at it, you vultures!

BD

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Responses

  1. ..and the sperm required to produce the embryo came from..?

    • What do you mean by “sperm”? Clearly you’re unfamiliar with the Immaculate Reception? You know, Franco Harris? Steelers vs. Raiders? Hello in there!

  2. Charles Manson began as an embryo.

    • So did Jeremy Davies, who played Charles Manson in 2004’s “Helter Skelter.”

      • We must stop this madness.


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