Posted by: cousinbrandon | January 4, 2010

(Hai)ku-lyhighharmony: The Week in Twitter Haiku

So, this is the new year, huh? I’m not all that impressed to this point. Right now it appears to be just another Monday morning, fully loaded with my horrible job, annoying conversation, and the typical lack of sleep. Somehow I managed to wake up at this morning at 2:15, 3:45, 5:15 and 6:00. That, friends, is talent (or a lack thereof). Either way, I’m a grumpy motherfucker on this first Monday of the new year. And by the way, why are we still celebrating New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day as if it’s anything more than another excuse to get drunk and take the day off work? I just don’t get it. What are we celebrating exactly? The fact that we managed to “survive” the previous year? Wonderful. Look, as long as you’re not in a gang, a professional bungee jumper, or Steve Irwin, what in the hell are you doing with your life that you need to celebrate your ability to have made it into the new year? Jesus, I’m entirely too sober and angry.

And, yes, the title of this week’s installment is a nod to Philadelphia’s own Boyz II Men. Man, they’re good. Or something.

This installment of haikus covers Monday, December 28, 2009 through Sunday, January 3, 2010, reflecting upon post-Christmas days, Al Bundy, the world of medicine, New Year’s Eve, horror movies, and church. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon or http://www.twitter.com/cousinbrandon). All I ask of you this year is to keep reading my blog, follow me on Twitter, and buy me something nice, like a dinette set or a pony.

My Christmas Gift Blows Haiku (December 28, 2009)

Going to work the
Monday after Christmas? Thanks
for nothing, Jesus!

The Upside of Being Awake at 5 AM Haiku (December 29, 2009)

No, the sleep won’t come,
but if nothing else, at least
I’ve got Al Bundy.

The Medical Care of Cousin Brandon Haiku (December 30, 2009)

If my crutch is gin,
then you, Coffe, are my shot
of Penicillin.

New Year’s Eve Is Entirely Overrated Anyway Haiku (December 31, 2009)

All this snow on New
Year’s Eve only confirms I’m
staying home tonight.

How Cousin Brandon Rings In the New Year Haiku (December 31, 2009)

Spending night at home
with my 5-year-old and niece.
We’re fucking wasted!

Early Observations On 2010 Haiku (January 1, 2010)

So, this is the new
year, huh? So far, unimpressed.
Still reeks of last year.

My Take On Paranormal Activity Haiku (January 2, 2010)

The paranormal
portion of the film sponsored
by so-so acting.

My Sunday Morning Spelling of “Church” Haiku (January 3, 2010)

W-H-E
R-E-I-D-I-O-T
S-P-R-A-Y.

Well, that’ll just about it do it for this week. So long, 2009, and a good morning to you, 2010. Don’t be a dick! Until next time, have at it, you vultures!

BD

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