Posted by: cousinbrandon | February 1, 2010

I Am the Walrus, Haiku-ku-ga-joob: The Week(s) in Twitter Haiku

This here is an extended version of my “weekly” haiku, namely because I failed to post them last Monday. See, I was traveling last week. To the southern parts of these here United States, actually. And without getting too specific as to my whereabouts, let me just say that I found myself a town outside of Chicago (which I adore) where I thought I could actually exist. I used to live in Santa Fe, New Mexico, way back between the years 1996 and 1998. I was a student at the College of Santa Fe, which is where I managed to snag my BA. The thing about Santa Fe? I kind of hated it. Sorry, but I was 21 at the time and even poorer than I am now. And if there’s one thing I quickly learned about Santa Fe is that it comprises two types of people: those with way too much money and those with no money at all. So, I had no idea what to do with myself as a college student. I just didn’t belong. I couldn’t find my niche. Sure, I made friends, including my pal Mike who I still think of as my little brother. But in general the place just never made sense to me. I mean, I hated the art (for the most part), as it was primarily pastel horses. The drivers in Santa Fe? Hands down the scariest motherfuckers I’ve ever met on the road, and keep in mind I’ve spent a good deal of time/lived in Philadelphia, Chicago, New York and Boston. The lines on the road were merely suggestions. I mean, I could go on forever about my issues with that town, but that’s not why I’m here. I guess what I’m saying is that I found myself yet another southern town that, even though it reminded me of Santa Fe, was fucking amazing. So, thanks for having me, unnamed southern city. You were a peach.

This installment of haikus covers Monday, January 18, 2010 through Sunday, January 31, 2010, covering MLK Day, Miller High Life, insomnia, airplanes, illness, the weather(?), the Millionaire Matchmaker, and religion. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Whatever you choose, I hope you realize you’re doing something for the good of all mankind. Well, Brand-kind, anyway.

An MLK Monday By Any Other Name Would Still Be Monday Haiku (January 18, 2010)

Holiday Mondays
are better without the 5
A.M. kid wake-up.

A Small Success Is Still a Success Haiku (January 19, 2010)

Although I felt like
shit last night, I still downed five
cans of High Life. Score!

When Sleep, or the Lack Thereof, Becomes Biblical Haiku (January 20, 2010)

God rested on the
seventh day. He didn’t have
my insomnia.

This Morning’s Musings On the Pre-Flight Check at the Airport Haiku (January 21, 2010)

Does security
still demand a reach-around?
God, I sure hope so!

Returning to Work After My Too Brief Vacation Haiku (January 26, 2010)

My first day back and
you give me a cold and sore
throat? You’re a dick, Life.

What I’ve Learned About the Common Cold Haiku (January 27, 2010)

A cold is simply
nature’s way of say’ng nature’s
a fucking asshole.

New Products in the Pharmacy’s Cold Aisle Haiku (January 28, 2010)

If Nyquil came in
Miller High Life flavor, I’d
sleep for all of time.

Today’s Outlook Brought to You By Illness and Work Haiku (January 29, 2010)

Mostly pissed off with
a 90% chance of
kicking Friday’s ass.

Confessions of Cousin Brandon Haiku (January 30, 2010)

I’ve got a rather
strange crush on the Millionaire
, Patti.

Yet Another Religion I’m Convinced Won’t Have Me Haiku (January 31, 2010)

Does Christianity
condemn touching thyself,
cause I can’t quit me.

Well, that’ll just about do it for the last two weeks of Twitter haiku. Until next week, have at it, you vultures!




  1. Christianity sucks.

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