It’s February already and the Super Bowl is now behind us. That’s right: no more football until that pre-season nonsense. Yeah, right. Who are we kidding? Football is now a year-round subject/process. Sure, the Super Bowl’s been played, but now it’s time to plan for the parade, televise the parade, report on the parade, laugh at the silly white men dancing during the parade, assessing the damage to the city of New Orleans after the parade, and so forth. In other words, these stories alone will consume the world of sports for at least a week, and I haven’t even mentioned the amount of talk this will spawn for the “Peyton Manning chokes in big games” story, “Dwight Freeney’s bum ankle cost the Colts a win” story, “Reggie Bush is now a free agent and will command big money” story, and “Now that Reggie’s won the Super Bowl he can propose to Kim Kardashian so we can watch that whorebag parade around with the guy who used to be known as Bruce Jenner” story. And just wait until next week’s football stories.
This installment of haikus covers Monday, February 1, 2010 through Sunday, February 7, 2010, covering my brother’s birthday, LOST, McDonald’s, a rough weekend, Roky Erickson, and, of course, the Super Bowl. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Look, you can either choose to follow me on Twitter or just keep checking back here on a daily basis for all new funny. Or, you can kiss my ass. The choice, as always, is yours. No pressure.
To My Brother On His 39th Birthday Haiku (February 1, 2010)
Middle-aged white men are dead
or in jail by now.
Do You Suppose the Writers of LOST Are Suggesting Something? Haiku (February 2, 2010)
Season 6 premiere
is on Groundhog’s Day? Can’t be
After Spending Two Hours Taking Notes On LOST Haiku (February 3, 2010)
I forgot what that
much note-taking felt like. No
wonder kids get high.
Breakfast of Champions Haiku (February 4, 2010)
McDonald’s food is
disgusting, as is this third
Already Things Are Off to a Glorious Beginning Haiku (February 5, 2010)
Woke at 4:30.
My daughter peed in her bed.
Fuck you, Frimonday!
Realization After Watching “You’re Gonna Miss Me” Haiku (February 6, 2010)
mother missed her true calling.
So Far I Don’t See What’s So Goddamn Super About It Haiku (February 7, 2010)
Super Sunday feels
like any other Sunday,
but with extra dip.
Well, that’s gonna’ do it for this week. So many haikus, so little time. Until then, have at it, you vultures!