Posted by: cousinbrandon | February 22, 2010

Ain’t No Mountain Hai(ku) Enough: The Week in Twitter Haiku

I’m starting to notice the number of haikus I write that include either drinking or insomnia. Call me crazy, but I’m beginning to think the two might be related. Granted, if you asked which came first, this isn’t a “chicken or the egg” scenario. I’ve always slept poorly, even when I was a kid. And at that time, I was barely drinking. So what did I do yesterday? I didn’t drink. Not a thing. Now, I’m not saying I had an impeccable night’s sleep; however, I feel better today than I did yesterday, so there’s that. My plan, then, is to drink nothing for a few days and see what happens with this whole inability to sleep thing. The question, then, is can Cousin Brandon lay off the booze and drink nothing but coffee, Diet Coke and water until Friday at the earliest? We’ll see. I have my doubts, but we’ll see. Anyone want to set the over/under for how long I make it?

This installment of haikus covers Monday, February 15, 2010 through Sunday, February 21, 2010, covering President’s Day, Married with Children, hangovers, Ed Hardy, insomnia and getting entirely too drunk. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). I, of course, encourage you to do both, but I’m only one man, and we all of us know for a fact that a single person can’t change anything. Except the channel.

The One President Who Could Make My President’s Day Haiku (February 15, 2010)

President’s Day would
be so much better with extra
Benjamins, y’all!

Apparently the Bars Don’t Close For President’s Day Haiku (February 16, 2010)

President’s Day turned
into a marathon of
alcohol. Thanks, George!

Things to Do When You’re Awake at 4:30 in the Morning Haiku (February 17, 2010)

Send text messages
and wait 30 minutes for
Married with Children.

How to Mix a Fairly Effective Hangover Haiku (February 18, 2010)

Five Miller High Lifes
and three Cabernets does not
a good morning make.

To the “Gentleman” I Shot Pool Against Last Night Haiku (February 19, 2010)

Regardless if you’re
black or white, your Ed Hardy
shirt says you’re a dick.

The Many Times I Woke Up Last Night/This Morning Haiku (February 20, 2010)

Midnight. 2 AM.
4 AM. 6:15. You
win, Insomnia.

Hopefully the Laws Won’t Ever Change Haiku (February 21, 2010)

If getting drunk was
illegal, I’d always be
a death row inmate.

That’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!

BD

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