I’ve mentioned this in the past, but there’s something about posting on the first day of a new month that gets my (OCD) blood a’ pumpin’. It’s like some sort of rebirth, like a monthly baptism. It’s a chance to start anew month in, month out. Granted, it typically ends the same: with me huddled in a corner, drunk, muttering to myself, wondering where the birds came from. Not this time, though. I’m going to do something I typically shy away from: I’m going to make a pledge here and now to be positive this month. I’m going to look forward to life, be proactive, and stay optimisitic in all my endeavors. (I figure this should last me until noon, anyway.)
This installment of haiku covers Monday, February 22, 2010 through Sunday, February 28, 2010, covering sobriety, LOST, my employee evaluation, back to drinking, the irony of giant mammals, the winter Olympics, and, of course, insomnia. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Think of this more as a slight nudge than a hard push in the general direction of all things Cousin Brandon. Eh, who the fuck am I kidding? Follow me. Hold me. Love me.
High Life Isn’t Gushing From My Pores Haiku (February 22, 2010)
No booze for thirty-
one hours. My liver’s talking
to me again.
A Recap of “The Substitute” Haiku (February 23, 2010)
Fake Locke saw a ghost,
Sideways Locke got shit-canned and
Sawyer got wasted.
My Strategy for Today’s Employee Evaluation Haiku (February 24, 2010)
Look boss in the eye.
Smack him in face with my dick.
“Now, how ’bout THAT raise?!”
What I Learned At the Bar Last Night Haiku (February 25, 2010)
As it turns out, red
wine tastes great despite the lip-
stick-stained glass. Who knew?
At What Point Should We Pay Attention to Labels? Haiku (February 26, 2010)
Killed by a Killer
Whale and we act surprised. It’s
in the fucking name!
Why I Would Reign Supreme at the Winter Olympics Haiku (February 27, 2010)
I would take the gold
in Life, as ev’rything’s been
a “downhill” event.
My Life Is In Perfect Balance Haiku (February 28, 2010)
is back, but so’s my excess
drinking. Push, I’d say.
That’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!