Posted by: cousinbrandon | March 15, 2010

Flew the (Hai)ku(p): The Week in Twitter Haiku

It’s a good time of year for sports. The NCAA brackets have been announced, The Masters is less than a month away, the NBA playoffs are about to get underway, as are the NHL playoffs. (Yes, they still play hockey.) Best of all? Spring training. In less than three weeks we’ll once again be subjected to six-plus months of baseball, which means six-plus months of me ripping out my hair as I watch my fantasy baseball team reach the playoffs and come up short. My brother and I have been co-commissioning a keeper league for 8 years now, and in that time I’ve amassed a grand total of zero championships. If memory serves, I’ve made the playoffs every year, yet for some reason I always walk away ring-less. My cousin, Dave, likes to point out that I’m the 90’s-era Atlanta Braves, only those Braves won a championship. Sad. Don’t be alarmed, my non-baseball watching, fantasy sports-hating readers. I promise not to inundate you with my fantasy sports talk on a regular basis. I’ve come to realize that talking about your fantasy sports teams is akin to telling people about your dreams. No one fucking cares!

This installment of haiku covers Monday, March 8, 2010 through Sunday, March 14, 2010, covering the Oscars, the onslaught of Spring, LOST, diet tips, the IT Department, bad luck and fantasy baseball. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Now, I’m not gonna’ ruin the surprise, but there’s a free gift to the next 50 people who follow me on Twitter. Act now while supplies last.

The Reason I Don’t Watch Award Shows Haiku (March 8, 2010)

I watched five minutes
of the Oscars. Thanks, Miley.
You ruined that, too.

What the End of Winter Really Means Haiku (March 9, 2010)

The sun is shining.
The birds and bugs have returned.
Ahhh, all new complaints.

An Observation On “Dr. Linus” Haiku” (March 10, 2010)

Dickhead professor
from Real Genius plays dickhead
principal. Trippy.

A CousinBrandon Diet Tip Haiku (March 11, 2010)

Belgian beer and a
lack of food do not a good
combination make.

Realizing the Great Irony of the Workplace Haiku (March 12, 2010)

Attention, IT:
Your department’s the virus
Sophos warned about.

Life Is a Continuous Loop Haiku (March 13, 2010)

Cat puked on the bed.
Furnace out of oil. Who
ordered the Monday?

The Results of My Fantasy Baseball Draft Haiku (March 14, 2010)

Drank so much High Life
I nearly drafted a Yankee.
Close call, indeed.

Well, that’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!


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