Posted by: cousinbrandon | April 26, 2010

Hai(ku)-Ho, Hai(ku)-Ho, It’s Off to Work We Go: The Week in Twitter Haiku

I’m exhausted. After spending the weekend tending to my sick child, not to mention four hours of emptying out the attic with my ex-wife, I’m pooped. What’s more, it’s been raining for the last two days, so the world has officially conspired against me. Okay, perhaps that’s being melodramatic. Bottom line is that I’m not “feeling it” today, and sitting at my desk isn’t helping one bit. On top of everything, I was the under the impression my boss was out of town today, yet there he sits in his office, having arrived bright, early and chipper. Fuck that. I’m not in the mood, sir. Save your “Heys!” and “Good morning, Brandons” for someone who gives a rat’s ass.

This installment of haiku covers Monday, April 19, 2010 through Sunday, April 25, 2010, covering The House of the Devil, insomnia, WKRP in Cinncinnati, spoilers, Mountain Dew, God and the way of Twitter. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Whatever you choose to do, please, use protection.

My Review of The House of the Devil Haiku (April 19, 2010)

That movie was, like,
totally tubular, Dude.
I mean, to the max!

Saying Hello to an Old Friend Haiku (April 20, 2010)

Oh, Insomnia,
how I missed you, you fucking
dickless cocksucker.

I Borrowed Les Nessman’s Idea for Walls Haiku (April 21, 2010)

Instead of masking
tape, I mark my walls with a
long stream of urine.

The Great Reveal Haiku (April 22, 2010)

Spoiler alert: cars
with spoilers on them are owned
by giant douchebags.

Oh, What a Beautiful Friday Morning Haiku (April 23, 2010)

The sun is shining.
The dew is on the lawn. That
shit is extreme, Dude!

The Events of the Morning Confirm My Suspicions Haiku (April 24, 2010)

My daughter has a
fever and I’m hungover.
I KNEW God was fake!

I Now Understand the Concept of “One Step Forward…” Haiku (April 25, 2010)

Gain a follower,
lose two. Gain two followers,
well, you get the rest.

Well, that’ll do it for this week, folks. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!

BD

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