Posted by: cousinbrandon | May 3, 2010

Haiku(ll)-Aid Man, “Oh Yeah!”: The Week in Twitter Haiku

I’ll be blunt: this week is setting up to be one total shitstorm. There’s entirely too much happening this week in my world outside of the workplace. As is usually the case, my job acts merely as a distraction. I show up every day (well, almost every day) and sit at a computer, writing blog posts and tweets when I should be, well, working. In all fairness, though, I’ve never once professed to liking my job. In fact, it’s been just the opposite. I started at my company roughly four-and-a-half years ago, and after the first week I knew I despised it. The disarray. The management (or lack thereof). The aesthetic. (Yes, the look of your workplace can, in fact, affect your perception of whether or not you enjoy your job.) And let’s not forget the meager pay. Sure, I’m complaining. And, sure, some of you are probably thinking I should be thankful to have a job at all, what with the state of our economy. I am. Truly. The problem is that I, like so many people, are toiling away – rotting, even – in positions we couldn’t give a good goddamn about. We don’t grow up and thrive; no, we grow up and realize we’re slaves. Do you remember that commercial featuring the guy who had to “work more hours” to “make more money” to “buy more coke” so he was hopped up enough to work more hours, make more money and buy more coke? Yeah, well, you see what I’m getting it. It’s an endless loop. It’s the snake swallowing its own tail. It’s working. And for the record, I know tons of you are feeling the same way. Enjoy the hamster wheel.

This installment of haiku covers Monday, April 26, 2010 through Sunday, May 2, 2010, touching on True Blood, Big Ben, LOST, morning awareness, Huey Lewis, waitresses and golf. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). For only a dollar a month, you could be helping a Tweeter in need.

My Initial Response to True Blood Haiku (April 26, 2010)

Having watched the first
four episodes, vampire
nudity’s awesome!

A Further Examination of Roethlisberger’s Apology Haiku (April 27, 2010)

Big Ben is contrite
and accepts his suspension.
He then raped Goodell.

What Does One Do On a Wednesday Sans an All New LOST? Haiku (April 28, 2010)

Does this mean that I
have to spend my morning at
work doing work? Pfft!

What Happens the Second I Open My Eyes in the Morning Haiku (April 29, 2010)

The single moment
I’ve not yet declared, “Today’s
an absolute loss.”

I Hear You, Huey, I Hear You Haiku (April 30, 2010)

I want a new drug.
One that won’t make me draw dicks
on my own forehead.

How My Conversation With My Waitress Went Last Night Haiku (May 1, 2010)

I demanded she
follow me on Twitter. She
demanded I leave.

What I Learned On the Golf Course Yesterday Afternoon Haiku (May 2, 2010)

One-hundred nineteen
strokes to realize that golf
can suck my left nut.

Well, that’ll do it for this week of haiku. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!



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