Yet another birthday has come and gone. I can’t say that I feel any different. That sort of bullshit is for kids. That is, once you hit 21, the only birthdays of significance are 30, 50 and 100. And seeing as how I’ll never see the century mark, all I’ve got now is the one 15 years away. This is the one thing in my life that makes me identify even remotely with being a gang-banger, as I love to utter, “Man, I’ll be lucky to see 87” and ridiculous shit like that. Outside of that, I don’t think watching Yo! MTV Raps with Fab Five Freddy qualifies me. I mean really, 35? Who cancelled?
This installment of haiku covers Monday, May 3, 2010 through Sunday, May 9, 2010, touching on overbearing mothers, tragedy, speaking Spanish, your mom, my job, my birthday and early morning wake-ups. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Want to get me something nice for my birthday? How about you follow me on Twitter, you goddamn freeloaders!
Can Someone Explain the Chicken/Egg Theory to My Mom? Haiku (May 3, 2010)
My mother wants to
know why I never answer.
‘CAUSE YOU CALL TOO MUCH!!!
For a Friend* Haiku (May 4, 2010)
The only boobs I
despise work here in my office.
Fuck Breast Cancer.
As It Turns Out, I Speak Spanish Once a Year Haiku (May 5, 2010)
Cinco de Mayo.
Or as I call it, “Three Days
‘Til My Birthdayo.”
The Things I Hate Most About My Job Haiku (May 6, 2010)
1. The people I
work for; 2. The people I
work with; 3. Your mom.
Every Weekday Morning Is One Bad Dream After the Next Haiku (May 7, 2010)
There’s no amount of
coffee to wake me from this
nightmare I call “Work.”
One Year Older, Yet Not Much Has Changed Haiku (May 8, 2010)
The same as twenty-five but
with droopier balls.
The Things You Come to Realize at 4 in the Morning Haiku (May 9, 2010)
Nothing good ever
began with the expression,
“Daddy, don’t be mad.”
Well, that’ll do it for this installment of haiku. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!
*Get well and quick, bgb.