Posted by: cousinbrandon | June 14, 2010

(Hai)ku Operator: The Week in Twitter Haiku

Sweet Jesus! This past week has been absolutely ridiculous. Between the Man keeping me down on the job, my daughter had a sleepover at my house on Thursday night along with my niece. So, that’s a 5- and 6-year-old wreaking havoc on my place like it’s nobody’s business. This, of course, was followed by two nights’ worth of terrible sleep, as well as the USA/England game on Saturday, whereby I was forced to put on a drunk with the rest of frontrunning Americans. Finally, I got to spend five hours on Sunday moving ridiculously huge pieces of furniture with only the assistance of my brother. Sure, our mom stood by and “helped,” but all she managed to do was complain more than the two of us, break her toe on the vacuum cleaner, and essentially get in the way. She’s a peach.

This installment of haiku covers two weeks’ worth of haiku (Monday, June 7, 2010 through Sunday, June 13, 2010). Among the topics covered are Staff Appreciation Day, pool, Steven Strasburg, bigtime daddy duty, viral videos, insomnia and the World Cup. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). If you tell a friend, and he tells a friend, and he tells a friend, well, I’m already lost on the math. Just make it so.

Thoughts on Today’s Staff Appreciation Day Picnic Haiku (June 7, 2010)

Appreciate me?
How about you give me the
day off and a raise?

The Results of Last Night’s Game of Pool Haiku (June 8, 2010)

I lost because I
called a foul on myself. Honesty
is stupid.

My Thoughts on Steven Strasburg Following His MLB Debut Haiku (June 9, 2010)

Twenty-one-years old,
married and a phenom? Yeah,
his marriage is safe.

At Home With My Daughter for the Next 48 Hours Haiku (June 10, 2010)

I’m praying to God
that Nick’s running a two-day
SpongeBob marathon.

I’m Going Viral After This Sleepover Haiku (June 11, 2010)

My daughter and niece
slept over. It’s like 2 girls,
1 suicide.

You’ve Fucked Me Once Again, Insomnia! Haiku (June 12, 2010)

No daughter, yet still
up before 7 AM?
Sleep’s a big jerkface.

My Advice to England’s Goalie Haiku (June 13, 2010)

When playing Keeper
and the ball hits you right in
the hands, stop the ball.

Well, that’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!



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