Posted by: cousinbrandon | June 21, 2010

The Hai(ku)senberg Uncertainty Principle: The Week in Twitter Haiku

Here we are, a day removed from Father’s Day, immersed in the first inkling of Summer. It’s amazing, really, to think that only six months back I was likely bitching and moaning about the onslaught of winter, and now this. You folks out in Los Angeles, for instance, who talk about “missing the seasons” and such? Please. Winter is cold and depressing and long and dirty and wet. Summer? Sure, it’s too damn hot and you sweat like a goddamn pig. But you know what? There’s something to be said for sunshine. Beautiful, beautiful sunshine. I have that sun-affliction, that thing where my mood is affected by sunlight or the lack thereof. I thrive on it. I feed on it. It’s my lifeblood. (Well, behind beer and coffee, that is.) As a boy I spent nearly every day of Summer on the tennis court with my brother and cousins. We’d absolutely exhaust ourselves before throwing our hands up and running across the street into the neighborhood pool, where we’d dive in and share our sweat and filth with the neighbor folk. Disgusting, really, but so be it. We were kids, so they can kiss my ass. So, with that, welcome back, Summer. You’ve been missed.

This installment of haiku covers Monday, June 14, 2010 through Sunday, June 20, 2010. Among the topics for consideration are work, Breaking Bad, the absence of tweets, Man vs. Food, Tiger Woods, Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call New Orleans and Creepshow. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). How you choose to handle your business is your business. As long as it involves you subscribing to my Twitter feed, we’re golden.

The Amount of Shit I’m Working On is Unbelievable Haiku (June 14, 2010)

So fucking busy
that even a haiku is
too much to fini-

Thoughts On the Season 3 Finale of Breaking Bad Haiku (June 15, 2010)

Good ol’ Walter White.
Taking care of Jesse while
fucking over Gale.

I’d Act Like I Cared If I Actually Cared Haiku (June 16, 2010)

Losing my old tweets
is like losing a handful
of pennies: worthless.

Cousin Brandon vs. Man. vs. Food Haiku (June 17, 2010)

Does Adam Richman
realize that I’m cringing
at him, not with him?

What We Should Really Be Focusing On Today Haiku (June 18, 2010)

All this Lakers talk
steals the thunder from Tiger
and his magic schlong.

An Epiphany After Watching Nic Cage in Bad Lieutenant Haiku (June 19, 2010)

I sometimes wonder
who Nic Cage watches and thinks,
“He’s overacting!”

Whenever I Think of Today, I Think of Creepshow Haiku (June 20, 2010)

“Happy Father’s Day,”
he said, her head in his lap.
“And I got my cake.”

Well, that’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!




  1. was the incorrect spelling of “Ephiphany” ironic or moronic?

  2. The latter. Definitely the latter.

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