Posted by: cousinbrandon | August 5, 2010

The Angry(er) Alphabet: Things I Hate, From A to Z (K)

“Keepin’ it real”

What the fuck does that even mean? As opposed to keepin’ it fake?! I mean, it’s an oxymoron of sorts, like jumbo shrimp or Poet Jim Morrison. What’s more, if I’m to take it not so literally but as an expression of how one chooses to live his life, is he then saying that he lives a life of all-out honesty, in which it’s okay to talk shit and be a complete and utter asshole because “real” life constitutes being a douchebag? Guess what, keepin’ it real guy: sometimes it’s okay to tell a little white lie to protect the feelings of others.

Nobody keeps it “real-er” than honkeys with guns.

Look, when Rod Piazza’s keepin’ it real, you know it’s fresh!

“Now your child can be a ‘real’ whore!”

Any attempt by The Man to relate to the kids via speaking their lingo is always a winner.

Umm, ma’am, you’re keeping it entirely too real.

‘Nuff said.

For those of you who go through life “keepin’ it real,” I urge you to buy a gun, load it, have a few belts and see how your evening winds up. That’s about as real as it gets, you fucking morons.

That’ll do it for this installment of unadulterated anger. So until the almighty “L” happens by and spits in your eye, have at it, you vultures!



  1. there you go again, picking on fat kids and retards…

    • Write what you know…

  2. “Write what you know”? That’s what I like about you, Brandon. You keep it real…

    • Look, #19, it is what it is.

  3. It’s funny, I’ve actually told people on a few occasions to “keep it fake.” You’re right, it’s a ridiculous phrase. Now that I’m thinking about it, I don’t think that I’ve actually ever heard anybody use that phrase when its not parody. I almost can’t imagine someone looking someone in the eyes in a serious, honest moment and saying “you really need to keep it real.” It actually makes me kind of sad to think that so many of these moments have taken place. Great choice man.

  4. This one’s right up there with “It’s how I roll” . Makes me want to punch someone in the face.

  5. I loved this the first time, when it was on Chappelle show…

    Now trade me Weiters!

    • What in the hell are you talking about? He complained about the fallout of morons keeping it real, not the expression itself. Jerkface.

      And no.

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