Posted by: cousinbrandon | August 9, 2010

Hai(ku) Five: The Week in Twitter Haiku

It’s been a weird week, to say the least. Last Monday was the three-year anniversary of my step-father’s death. Five days ago was my daughter’s sixth birthday. And two days ago my ex-wife got remarried. And in spite of it these events, all of them take a backseat to perhaps the biggest news of the week: my mother is on the verge of moving in with me. Ugh. I don’t even know what to say about this except ugh again. See, my mom was trying to sell her house for the last three years, and at last she managed to do so. The hole in her plan? She has no place to go. So, while she looks for a new house, she’ll be staying at my place, figuring out every conceivable way to drive me out of my gourd. If you need me, I’ll be the guy comparing the pros and cons of sticking my head in the oven versus pills.

This installment of haiku covers Monday, August 2, 2010 through Sunday, August 8, 2010, touching on insomnia, Diabetes, my daughter’s birthday, sobriety, my daughter’s birthday shopping list, sunshine and horrible taste in music. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). My place in the world is not to tell the rest of you how to live your lives. But in this case, I demand you go to Twitter and follow my drunken ass for all of time. Done and done.

What I Did From 1:30 to 4:30 This Morning Haiku (August 2, 2010)

Watched Fam’ly Guy. Watched
Three’s Company. Watched Fam’ly
. Prayed for my death.

On Going to See My Endocrinologist Today Haiku (August 3, 2010)

Would it be too much
to walk in while drinking a
choc’late flavored beer?

To My Daughter On Her Birthday Haiku (August 4, 2010)

Today you turn six.
You’re old enough to work the
coal mines now, correct?

Tried Something New for a Change Yesterday Haiku (August 5, 2010)

Didn’t drink a drop
and went to bed early. Hmmm.
Sobriety’s lame.

What I’ll Be Buying My Daughter Today for Her Sixth Birthday Haiku (August 6, 2010)

A new bathing suit;
a Sponge Bob cake; a guitar;
a keg of High Life.

To Yet Another Beatiful Morning Haiku (August 7, 2010)

Good morning, Sun. Your
warmth is welcomed. Your brightness?
Eh, not so much, Dick!

To the Awful Broad Who Approached Me at the Jukebox Haiku (August 8, 2010)

“Are you playing Fuel?”
she asked. Seriously?! Who
the hell asks for Fuel?!

Well, that’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!




  1. Maybe your mom could buy your house. 😉

    • I told her the basement was for sale. Also, I’m burning the whole thing down, so there’s that.

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