Posted by: cousinbrandon | August 16, 2010

(Hai)ku Runnings: The Week in Twitter Haiku

I’m as sore as can be. Two days removed from the 2nd Annual Brolympics and I couldn’t be more sore. (And for the record, you can expect a full-on blog post on Brolympics II later this week.) I genuinely feel like an old man, which is downright sad. I mean, is this what happens as you get older? Hell, as I kid I could have competed in a full-day competition of various events, woken up the next day and done it all over again. Granted, I wasn’t getting drunk as hell in the process, so I suppose there’s that. No matter. At some point I intend to go Benjamin Button on that ass and age backwards.

This installment of haiku covers Monday, August 9, 2010 through Sunday, August 15, 2010, touching on Mondays, apathy, Arrested Development, childrens’ theater, Top Chef, Brolympics preparation and pre-season football. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Join me over there as always if you please. Same Twitter-time, same Twitter-channel.

Counting On the Regularity of Monday Morning Haiku (August 9, 2010)

Coffee’s brewing. Boss
at his desk. My dick’s out. All’s
right in the world.

A Modest Request to Last Night’s Apathetic Bartender Haiku (August 10, 2010)

Apologies, but
when you’re through playing pinball,
may I have a beer?

I Blame the Rest of You for Not Insisting Upon This Earlier Haiku (August 11, 2010)

How come it took me
this long to watch Arrested
, Jerks?

On Taking My Kid to See a Production of The Princess & The Pea Haiku (August 12, 2010)

As the only father
there, I felt equal parts
proud and castrated.

I’ve Come Up With a More Appropriate Title Haiku (August 13, 2010)

Top Chef should be called
You’re a Giant Douchebag But
We’d Like You to Stay

Prepping for Today’s Brolympics On Four Hours of Sleep Haiku (August 14, 2010)

Hopefully there’s a
“Sit on your ass and pass the
fuck out” gold medal.

To the Guy Yelling at the Screen in the Bar Last Night Haiku (August 15, 2010)

It’s pre-season foot-
ball (i.e., it doesn’t mean
a fucking thing, Dork!

That’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!



  1. Lemme just say – big fan.

    And second, liked the work on Daves of Thunder this week. Hopefully they can find a regular role for you! Always enjoyed the poems.

    • Aw, isn’t that nice. (Sorry, that was my best Dave Dameshek impression.)

      In all seriousness, sir, thanks so much for the kind words. Those haiku on the Daves of Thunder podcast were literally thrown together in about 5 minutes. I thought they were awful, but thanks nonetheless. And, yeah, we need to renew the Feeney/Cousin Brandon rivalry.

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