Posted by: cousinbrandon | August 23, 2010

Sweet Valley Hai(ku): The Week in Twitter Haiku

It’s hard to believe that another semester gets underway today. I haven’t taught since last December, having missed this past semester. Honestly? I missed it. Sure, it was nice not to have the extra commitment two days per week, not to mention all the take-home work, planning, reading, editing, grading, conferencing, etc. Still, when it’s in you it’s in you. I’m not comparing myself to those sad athletes (Favre) and musicians (Jagger) who don’t know when to hang it up because of that need to be “out there” performing. It’s more like the salesman who’s still trying to make that one great pitch before he calls it a career and sinks into retirement (i.e., a drunken haze). I guess I’m reminded of The Twilight Zone episode “One for the Angels.” No, it’s not exactly the same, but it’s something along those lines. In any event, time to go back to school.

This installment of haiku covers Monday, August 16, 2010 through Sunday, August 22, 2010, touching on the stupidity of exercise, illness, Mad Men, Nyquil, Top Chef, Bloodsport and Job. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Don’t think of this as a desperate cry for attention; rather, think of it as an extremely desperate cry for attention.

It Turns Out We’ve Been Given Bad Advice Haiku (August 16, 2010)

My joints are sore. Ribs
ache. Could barely sleep a wink.
Exercise is dumb.

I’ve Just Performed a Self-Diagnosis Haiku (August 17, 2010)

Can’t stop coughing. My
body is aching. Yep, I’m
allergic to life.

I Take All My Best Cues From Mad Men Haiku (August 18, 2010)

It would appear I’m
fast becoming a drunk, Don
Draper style. Sweet!

I Think I Found My Replacement Elixir Haiku (August 19, 2010)

Who needs Miller High
Life when the NyQuil® winks at
you from the cupboard?

To the Judges of Top Chef Who Are Apparently High Haiku (August 20, 2010)

Attention, Padma
and Tom: since you’ve not noticed,
Amanda can’t cook.

What I Couldn’t Shake During Kung Fu Hustle Haiku (August 21, 2010)

All I could think while
watching The Beast was, “Is that
Chong Li from Bloodsport?”

Now I Understand How Job Must Have Felt Haiku (August 22, 2010)

Pulled a muscle in
my back moving furniture.
First World problems.

That’ll do it for this week, folks. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!




  1. I used to own the Sweet Valley High board game when I was little. Aka, now. GAME NIGHT!

    • You and my lady will get along swimmingly!

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