Posted by: cousinbrandon | August 30, 2010

I’m Sick of the Hai(ku) Hat: The Week in Twitter Haiku

Yes, that’s a reference to the great Miller’s Crossing, as well as the Daves of Thunder podcast.

I am absolutely exhausted following a week-end of manual labor. Two pals joined me on Saturday to clean the living hell out of my basement. That was followed by my lugging a shit-ton of trash out to the dumpster, mowing the lawn, moving furniture and so on. Bottom line is this: I’m not cut out for that lifestyle. Sorry, but kudos to those of you who are capable of being businessmen during the week and handymen on the weekend. Would I love to know how to do it myself? Sure. Would I enjoy the actual work? Hell no. It’s insane. It’s difficult. It’s too much. And now that I’m at an advanced age of 35, I’m obviously on the decline, physically. With that, I need to somehow fall into a pile of money so I can dish this sort of work out to the professionals.

This installment of haiku covers Monday, August 23, 2010 through Sunday, August 29, 2010, touching on teaching, medicine, my new roommate, following instructions, my ex-wife, weekend woes and Hurricane Katrina. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Look, if there was ever a time I needed a pick-me-up, it’s now. Again, my mother – my mother – is living in my house!

On Returning to Teach Yet Another Semester Haiku (August 23, 2010)

Twenty-six students.
Papers to grade, spirits to
crush. This is my Hell.

The Irony of My Prescription’s Effect On the Human Body Haiku (August 24, 2010)

Antibiotics
are making me feel sicker.
Fuck you, Medicine!

I’m All For Breaking the Law When It Comes to Houseguests Haiku (August 25, 2010)

If murdering one’s
mother is wrong, I’ll be wrong
as fucking get out!

Looks Like This Semester Is Already Off to a Fantastic Start Haiku (August 26, 2010)

I asked you to write
one sentence, not one error-
riddled paragraph.

What to Expect from My Mother Now That She’s Moving In Haiku (August 27, 2010)

1. Constant bitching;
and 2. Constant complaining.
Oh, she’s my ex-wife!

I’m Beginning to See an Unfortunate Pattern Here Haiku (August 28, 2010)

Saturday: when the
week’s ills wash away and the
weekend’s ills begin.

Five Years Later, I Now Identify With the People of New Orleans Haiku (August 29, 2010)

My mother moving
in is my Hurricane Katrina.
S.O.S.

Well, that’ll do it for this installment. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!

BD

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