Posted by: cousinbrandon | September 20, 2010

I Think I Broke My Hai(ku)-men: The Week in Twitter Haiku

Here we are, only two days removed from Fall. My house is still on the market, I’m still at my shitty job, I’m still stuck in a town I hate, and my mom is still my roommate. Well, for a little while longer, anyway. On Saturday she informed me that she did, in fact, buy a house! Great news, only she doesn’t close for another five weeks or so. In the meantime, I’m doing my best to go about my routine and pretend things are fine and dandy. She asks a lot of questions, my mom. She talks on her phone entirely too much. She’s loud and obnoxious and without social graces. And, pretty soon, she’ll be out of my hair. And the thing is, when she leaves, am I going to miss her?… Nope, not one fucking bit.

This installment of haiku, from Monday, September 13, 2010 through Sunday, September 19, 2010, covers the Pittsburgh Steelers, my realtor, Weezer, binary code, Pavement and pirates/Pirates. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Just remember that for every time you go to Twitter, read my tweets and follow me, a child eats for a day.

A Small Request to the Pittsburgh Steelers Organization Haiku (September 13, 2010)

So you’re 1 and 0
sans Roethlisberger? Again,
please cut that douchebag.

Instructions to the Realtor Photographing My House Haiku (September 14, 2010)

Stay out of the base-
ment! If you fuck up my shrine
to Laverne, you’re dead!

Wondering Why Some People Can’t See What Is Plain as Day Haiku (September 15, 2010)

I think it’s weird how
Weezer refuses to stop
making new music.

“Me and the Boys in the IT Department are Still Cracking Up Over This One” Haiku (September 16, 2010)


My Concern Over Seeing Pavement in Philly Tonight Haiku (September 17, 2010)

Just wondering how
long until the assholes scream,
“Yo, play ‘Cut Your Hair!'”

The Highlight of the Pavement Show was 1 of 2 Things Haiku (September 18, 2010)

Either the kick-ass
version of “Stop Breathin’” or
all that pot and beer.

In Honor of “Talk Like a Pirate Day” Haiku (September 19, 2010)

For the love of Christ,

Well, that’s gonna’ do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!




  1. Congrats on the move out date being set man.

    I made the mistake of taking a drink of water while I read the Talk Like a Pirate one and I choked a little. That ones too good. Glad Pavement lived up to Pavement. I also enjoy the IT one a lot too.

    Nice week of haikus

  2. The Talk Like a Pirate one was gold. Excellent work.

    • Yar.

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