Posted by: cousinbrandon | September 27, 2010

When I Say “Jump,” You Say “How Hai(ku)”: The Week in Twitter Haiku

If I didn’t kick off the week with this announcement, I’d never forgive myself. After seven long years of coming up short, my fantasy baseball team (The Jew Hefners), in the league’s eighth year, is at last league champion! With that, I’d like to extend my thanks to Albert Pujols, Victor Martinez and Carl Crawford, whose bats were mighty this past week. And of course, I’d be remiss if I failed to credit the arms of Justin Verlander and Matt Cain, both of whom threw complete game victories. To the rest of the league, it’s not a “Nice job, fellas” I offer, but rather an abnormally large middle finger. Go fuck yourselves, boys. Bow to the king. (And that, friends, is how to win with grace.)

This installment of haiku, from Monday, September 20, 2010 through Sunday, September 26, 2010, covers Mad Men, Twitter hackers, insomnia, a good night’s sleep, my lady, peer pressure and Sharktopus. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Nothing says “You’re like the disturbed big brother I never wanted” like following me on Twitter, so do yourselves a favor already.

My Stab at an Obituary for Don Draper’s Secretary Haiku (September 20, 2010)

Mrs. Blankenship:
sometimes funny, yet mostly
a lame distraction.

For the Good People Who Hacked Twitter This Morning Haiku (September 21, 2010)

Question mark dollar
sign dot backslash dot pound sign
parenthetical.

Things to Do When You Wake Up at 4 AM Haiku (September 22, 2010)

Watch infomercials;
Hate yourself; Hate others; Hate
infomercials; Cry.

Having Slept Well Last Night, I Now Have a Question Haiku (September 23, 2010)

Does this mean I have
to put in an honest day’s
work, because fuck that!

I Suppose You Might Call This the Poetry of Love Haiku (September 24, 2010)

@artichoked is the
@Caissie to my @debenham.
Follow them always.

Apparently I’d Jump Off the Bridge, Too Haiku (September 25, 2010)

Now that I have new
Twitter, it’s my sworn duty
to despise it, yes?

My Eight-Word Review of Sharktopus Haiku (September 26, 2010)

Monumentally,
outrageously horrible.
So, yeah, a must watch.

Well, that’ll do it for this week’s installment. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!

BD

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