Posted by: cousinbrandon | November 1, 2010

Rocky Hai-coon: The Week in Twitter Haiku

Yes, it’s a Beatles reference and, yes, it’s a reach. Sue me.

How in the name of all that is good and holy is it possibly November already?! It sure as hell feels like November, what with the forecast promising weather in the 40’s this week. Oh, and in case you’ve forgotten, I hate winter. I hate cold weather. I hate snow. I hate slush-drenched pant legs. I hate the 17 extra layers of clothing. I hate the piss-poor road conditions. I hate the shitty drivers. I hate the ridiculously cold car in the morning. I hate shoveling out. I hate being snowed in. I hate the cracked face. I hate the chapped lips. I hate the sniffling. And, once more, I hate winter. Sorry for sugar-coating it.

This installment of haiku, from Monday, October 25, 2010 through Sunday, October 31, 2010, covers my post-mom celebration, perms, brotherhood, the semantics of alcohol, trick-or-treating, The Descent and LeBron James. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Look, I’m not saying there are pictures of me dressed up as a slutty nurse in honor of Halloween on my Twitter page; rather, they’re there because I like to feel pretty.

Devising a Plan for the Week Ahead Haiku (October 25, 2010)

Five more nights of mom.
Celebrating by not going
home till night six.

To My Student Who May or May Not Understand Irony Haiku (October 26, 2010)

Nice perm, Indian
Male Student, only you failed
to pop your collar.

The Best Part of My Mother Having Lived With Me Haiku (October 27, 2010)

When she’s too old to
fend for herself, I’ll taunt my
brother with, “You’re up!”

My Retort to the Guy Working the Door at Last Night’s Concert Haiku (October 28, 2010)

“No beer allowed? No
problem. My Colt 45
is a malt liquor.”

Confession Following Last Night’s Trick-or-Treating Haiku (October 29, 2010)

If the sign reads, “Take
one” and the bowl is empty,
I just take the bowl.

My Thoughts On the “Horror” Movie I Watched Last Night Haiku (October 30, 2010)

You might disagree,
but I’d say The Descent was
just decent at best.

In Response to LeBron’s Nike Commercial Haiku (October 31, 2010)

Here’s what you should do:
stop playing the martyr role
and shut the fuck up!

Well, that’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!


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