Posted by: cousinbrandon | November 15, 2010

Whiskey and Hai(ku): The Week in Twitter Haiku

Okay, so I’m running out of clever titles. Sue me.

I couldn’t loathe the week ahead of me more than I currently do. I have three-and-a-half hours of student conferences to look forward to this afternoon, a meeting with my mortgage lender tomorrow, a formal anniversary dinner celebrating my company’s anniversay Tuesday night, and so on. In other words, too much unwelcome bullshit to deal with in the next few days. It’s astounding to me that most people are capable of managing their time/lives in a “normal” fashion from day-to-day, week-to-week. Or, is it that they’re all as stressed and overwhelmed as me, only they deal with things better? Whatever the answer, I need to get me some of that, stat!

This installment of haiku, from Monday, November 8, 2010 through Sunday, November 14, 2010, covers board games, jukebox hero, Geoff Pierson, Rounders, the stars of family-based documentaries, “The Gunslinger” and adult decisions. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). The longer you wait, the more you miss, and in the end it’s you who suffers. Just saying.

My Revelation Following Last Night’s Board Game Haiku (November 8, 2010)

I discovered that
Parcheesi is for a certain
brand of fucked up.

My Failed Attempt at Playing Weezer at the Lesbian Bar Haiku (November 9, 2010)

I tried to play “Pink
,” but settled for
You Fucked Up” by Ween.

To the Actor Who Plays Captain Matthews and Senator Edge Haiku (November 10, 2010)

Faux Al Bundy: you’re
the same guy on Dexter and
Boardwalk Empire!

My Thanks to Teddy KGB for My Performance Last Night Haiku (November 11, 2010)

Won seventy bucks
at poker. My friends have an
Oreo fetish.

After Two Movies, Choosing Which Family is More Fucked Up Haiku (November 12, 2010)

I can’t decide if
it’s the Friedmans or the Whites
of West Virginia

Brett Favre May or May Not Be a Poet Haiku (November 13, 2010)

“I wrote a haiku.
Well, no, I didn’t write one.
Okay, I wrote one.”

Being an Adult Doesn’t Always Mean Living the High Life Haiku (November 14, 2010)

Went to sleep at nine
because I’m a grown-up and
can do what I want.

Well, that’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!



  1. Asleep at 9? You’re not an adult, you’re a senior citizen, apparently.

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