Posted by: cousinbrandon | December 13, 2010

(Hai-)Kup de Ville: The Week in Twitter Haiku

Only now have I realized I spent a lot of time not only watching movies this past week, but writing haiku about them, apparently. And this, then, leads me to something of an abnormal topic of conversation for today’s post. Rather than my usual nonsense, I am going to pimp not one, but two movies you must see immediately. See, I was feeling like hell on Saturday and barely left the house, so instead I treated myself to a fantastic double feature of Troll 2 and Best Worst Movie. Not familiar with these incredible pieces of cinema? Here’s a brief rundown. Troll 2, which was released in 1990, is critically regarded as arguably the worst movie ever made, as it fails on every possible level. It is absolutely dynamite, in that it’s spectacularly awful and unintentionally hilarious. Well, one of the stars of the movie, Michael Stephenson (who played the son, Joshua), decided to make a documentary based on the film and its cult status. The result? Best Worst Movie, which my lady hipped me to. In fact, not only did she see the film at the Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, TX (which, by the way, are the coolest goddamn theaters I’ve ever been to), but she had the honor of meeting the star of Troll 2, George Hardy, and had her picture taken with him. Now, when she first told me the news, it merely washed over me; however, having now seen Hardy in Best Worst Movie, I can vouch for the fact that the guy seems ridiculously likeable and genuninely nice. So, once again, I can’t recommend sitting down and watching these two films back to back. It was truly a cinematic experience, and one I’m looking forward to having again in the very near future.

This installment of haiku, from Monday, December 6, 2010 through Sunday, December 12, 2010, covers Michelle Pfeiffer, the stupidity of students, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World, MacGruber, horrible expressions, local bands and the always fantastic Nicolas Cage. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). My place in the world is not to tell those around how to lead their miserable lives, although I will suggest you bring a little sunshine into the sick via my Twitter feed. It couldn’t hurt.

O, What a Marvelous Journey for Michelle Pfeiffer Haiku (December 6, 2010)

How do you go from
singing “I Want a Cool Rider
to Catwoman?

To My Student Who Turned In His Final Essay Last Night Haiku (December 7, 2010)

Three to four pages,
not three to four paragraphs!
Please enjoy your F.

After Watching Scott Pilgrim vs. the World Haiku (December 8, 2010)

If you disliked it,
two words to your newfound
enemies: “Finish him!”

Congratulations! You’ve Done It Again, SNL Movie Take-Off Haiku (December 9, 2010)

Well, MacGruber, it
turns out the movie is merely
“suck” extended.

Fridays Are Forever a Day of Infinite Joy and Laughter Haiku (December 10, 2010)

It’s adorable
when people say “TGIF,”
because, what’s “God”?!

To the “Band” I Unfortunately Saw in Harrisburg Last Night Haiku (December 11, 2010)

Just because you own
a guitar doesn’t mean you
should play for others.

Only a Nic Cage Movie Could Be So Completely On the Nose Haiku (December 12, 2010)

Went into Knowing
knowing it would be a steaming
piece of dog shit.

Well, that’ll do it for this installment. Thanks for playing. And until next time, have at it, you vultures!


* A special nod to my pal and frequent commenter, crotch, who suggested today’s title.



  1. Im glad I could help. Now go fuck yourself.

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