Posted by: cousinbrandon | December 20, 2010

Hai-Hai-Hai(ku)! Merry Christmas!: The Week in Twitter Haiku

How in the hell is Christmas a mere five days away?! I mean, I was writing this goddamn post a year ago, and yet it seems like I just did it within the past few weeks. What a world, what a world. Well, rather than waxing poetic about my crazy neighbor or merely bitching about my inability to sleep, I’ve decided, instead, to prep you for what’s coming up this week on the ol’ blog. First, stay tuned for more of the 12 Days of Pissed Miss series. (Sadly, crazy legs didnt’ change her sign this morning, so I’m crossing my fingers for an afternoon post.) Second, I ask – nay, demand – you join me tomorrow for the 2010 entry in “The Mixes” Series, wherein I’ll be revealing my Best of 2010 mixes, along with some other barbs and observations relating to the year in music. And finally, while I’ll certainly be pushing some additional nonsense here on the blog, you can catch me over on the 200th episode of the LCS Hockey Radio Show, where I’ll join hosts #19 and Larry for an all-out extravaganza, including a very special Top 11 list that I’m over the moon about. The show starts at 9 PM EST, but you can always find it on iTunes in case you miss it.

This installment of haiku, from Monday, December 13, 2010 through Sunday, December 19, 2010, covers naive women, Twitter farewells, insomnia, Michael C. Hall’s personal life (by the way, nice hair, Dex), Jury Duty, live alarm clocks and the burger joint kiss-off. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). It’s the holiday season. Quit being jerkheads and check out my Twitter feed already. It’s vanilla-scented!

To the Woman at the Bar Who Was Defending Roethlisberger Haiku (December 13, 2010)

By all means, Fuckstick,
explain it again how it
was the girl’s fault?!

Words to Those Who Announce They’re Quitting Twitter Haiku (December 14, 2010)

Why bother telling
us you’re quitting, when you could
simply stop tweeting?!

Why Not Turn My Insomnia Into Financial Gain? Haiku (December 15, 2010)

Has anyone made
an emoticon for awake
since 4:15?

In Light of Recent Events, Make Dexter a Reality Show Haiku (December 16, 2010)

In real life, Dexter’s
married to Deb and banging
Lumen. There’s your show!

After Watching Pauly Shore and Tia Carrere in Jury Duty Haiku (December 17, 2010)

Someone, for the love
of God, lower me into
a cauldron of lye.

My Daughter Is My Never Programmed Saturday AM Alarm Clock Haiku (December 18, 2010)

Call me crazy, but
being woken up to watch
Scooby-Doo sucks balls!

Scratching My Head Over My Latest Twitter Farewell Haiku (December 19, 2010)

I was unfollowed
by a local burger joint.
Did I offend meat?

Well, that’ll do it for this week, folks. Until next time, Merry Christmas! Oh, and have at it, you vultures!

BD

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