Posted by: cousinbrandon | December 27, 2010

Haik(u) Up Your Skirt: The Week in Twitter Haiku

I suppose I should be in the Christmas spirit, but frankly I’ve been rubbed the wrong way by this year’s holiday season. First of all, the Pissed Miss herself got awfully lazy and failed to rotate her signage, thus putting an early end to this year’s “Helliday Cheer” entirely too early. Second, and more importantly, I woke up Christmas morning to discover my oil tank was empty and my house is the re-imagined Arctic. Good times. Sure, I’ve got no one but myself to blame for that, but nevertheless, not exactly how I wanted to spend my yule tide whatevers! On a positive note, my lady is flying into town tomorrow, which means there’s hope for the new year after all. So, yeah, I guess I’ll take the sour of the holiday season if it’s followed by that much sugar.

This installment of haiku, from Monday, December 20, 2010 through Sunday, December 26, 2010, covers the benefits of gin, the end of Favre, legal documents, Christmas Eve, Jewish Christmas Eve, a greeting to my anatomy and what I got for Christmas. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). Wanna’ get me a lovely holiday present? Get on over to Twitter and follow my ridiculousness already. Santa would want it that way.

Redefining the Source of My Christmas Cheer Haiku (December 20, 2010)

Every ounce of my
holiday spirit comes in
a glass with tonic.

After Last Night’s Hit, We Can Now Wave Goodbye to Favre Haiku (December 21, 2010)

It looks as though his
career is officially
over till next week.

After Signing Forms at the Lawyer’s Office, an Observation Haiku (December 22, 2010)

“In the year of our
Lord” atop the paperwork.
Church and State? Hello?

An Epiphany On the Holiday Season Haiku (December 23, 2010)

Come to think of it,
isn’t EVERY day before
Christmas Eve Christmas Eve?

Twas the Night Before Christmas Haiku (December 24, 2010)

Less than a day to
finalize my Christmas Day
Chinese Rest’rant plans.

Getting Into the Holiday Spirit With a Special Greeting Haiku (December 25, 2010)

Wishing a Merry
Christmas to my balls, and to
my balls a good night.

Miracles Really Do Come True This Time of Year Haiku (December 26, 2010)

I woke up to find
my house has no heat. It’s a
Christmas Fuck Yourself!

Well, that’ll do it for this week. When I next deliver haiku, it will be 2011. Hooray! Only one more year till the end of the world! Until then, have at it, you vultures!

BD

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