Posted by: cousinbrandon | January 10, 2011

Miller Hai(ku) Life, the Champagne of Beers: The Week in Twitter Haiku

No, I’ve not opted to die or go on permanent hiatus in the new year. Rather, I’ve been busy. Between the holidays, work and a suprising yet most-welcomed extended visit from my lady, I’ve simply had to put the site stuff on the back-burner. Don’t fret, though. After all, it simply means you get the opportunity to read a shit-ton of haiku at once as opposed to a mere seven at a time. We all win! And for the record, I’m not one for new year’s resolutions. I find them to be both trite and meaningless (kind of like Valentine’s Day). Look, if you’re truly committed to change, it shouldn’t take a mere flip of the calendar to make it so. Want to quit smoking? Quit. Want to lose weight? Eat less and exercise. Want to cut down on your Internet porn time? Well, do whatever it is you need to do. I don’t want to be involved. With that, Happy 2011. Thanks for reading. Here’s to a new year of whatever the hell it is I do.

This mega-installment of haiku, from Monday, December 27, 2010 through Sunday, January 9, 2011, covers expectations for the new year, weathermen, my grasp of the English language, photography, my lack of powers, boardgame deficiency, Philadelphia fashion, bad movies, possessed animals, the television apocalypse, old man slumbering and shitty restaurant service. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed (@CousinBrandon). It’s 2011 and you’re not following me on Twitter?! You’re off to an awfully poor start. Just sayin’.

As 2011 Approaches, an Epiphany Haiku (December 27, 2010)

Hard to believe we’re
a few days shy of a whole
new year of bitching.

The NFL Should Hire Its Own Faction of Meteorologists Haiku (December 28, 2010)

Driving to Philly
to get my gal. Um, why were
the Eagles postponed?

To My Girlfriend, Who Questioned My Vocabulary Haiku (December 29, 2010)

She thinks I don’t know
the meaning of “guff,” but I
think that’s baloney.

Me and My Lady, a Photograph Haiku (December 30, 2010)

Me and @artichoked
drinking at ABC in
Harrisburg, PA.

2011 Has Been a Total Bust Haiku (January 1, 2011)

Over ten hours
in and I still can’t change water
into wine? Feh!

After Nine Straight Losses to My Girlfriend in Scrabble® Haiku (January 2, 2011)

I’ve decided to
challenge her to something I’ll
fin’ly win: JEW-OFF!

Yesterday in Philly with My Lady Has Redefined Us Haiku (January 4, 2011)

Ate mussels at Monk’s.
Bought kick-ass babushkas. We’re
now Russian Belgians!

Rating the Film Experiences I’ve Had with My Lady All Week Haiku (January 5, 2011)

The litany of
bad movies we’ve watched can best
be labeled “Dear God!”

A Word of Advice for All of You Pet Owners Out There Haiku (January 6, 2011)

If you hear your cat
knocking on the basement door
your cat’s a demon.

Forget the Dead Birds, Dead Fish and Kirk Cameron Haiku (January 7, 2011)

A new Jersey Shore
and Real Housewives on the same
night?! It’s end of days!

The Numbers From Last Night Prove That I’m Officially an Old Man Haiku (January 8, 2011)

I fell asleep at
9, just 30 minutes after
my 6-year-old.

To the Hostess at the Brewhouse Grille in Camp Hill, PA Haiku (January 9, 2011)

The next time you ask
me to switch tables so the
band can set up, don’t.

Well, that should just about do it for this installment. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!

BD

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