Posted by: cousinbrandon | February 14, 2011

Bring Me a Haiku Love: The Week in Twitter Haiku

I’ve never cared for Valentine’s Day. In fact, I’m openly loathed and badmouthed it for as long as I can remember. Why? Because I’ve always argued that I don’t need a day to remind to love someone. I mean, if you love someone, you should tell them every day, right? That’s what love is, after all: confessing your love for another because you want to, not because you’re told to. What’s more, those people who don’t have love on Valentine’s Day are typically made to feel bad. Granted, I don’t support those “I-Don’t-Have-A-Man-Let’s-Go-Out-And-Put-On-An-Anti-Valentine’s-Day-Drunk” events, either, because you’re allowing yourself to give a shit about Valentine’s Day. Again, it’s only painful if you let it be painful. So the hell with it. I’m removing it from my calendar. Instead, I’ll choose today (like I choose every day) to tell my lady that I love her. And with that, I love you, Shiks! Not because it’s Valentine’s Day, but because it’s a day, and it needs to be said always.

This installment of haiku, from Monday, February 7, 2011 through Sunday, February 13, 2011, covers the Super Bowl after party, the Two Coreys, irony, unemployment, The Social Network, bathroom graffiti and strange double features. As always, you can find this collection here every Monday, or go on over and subscribe to my Twitter feed. In fact, it should no longer be a choice; rather, think of it as your civic duty. Follow!

What Must Have Taken Place After the Super Bowl Haiku (February 7, 2011)

I’m assuming Slash
and Roethlisberger went out
for drinks and sex crimes.

After Watching Dream a Little Dream 2 Haiku (February 8, 2011)

Frankly, whoever
greenlit that remarkable
turd has giant balls.

To the Drunk Woman at the Bar Who Doesn’t Get Irony Haiku (February 9, 2011)

Stop telling me how
much you love Roethlisberger.
He rapes women, Ma’am!

Unemployment, Day 21 Haiku (February 10, 2011)

Okay, okay. Joke’s
over. I’ll take my job back
now…. Hello? HELLO?!

A Synopsis of The Social Network Haiku (February 11, 2011)

Smart kid makes Facebook.
Smart kid screws best friend and twins.
Smart kid’s still a dick.

I’ve Found the Perfect Message to Etch in the Bathroom Stall Haiku (February 12, 2011)

Looking for a bad
time? Imagine these words are
my ex-wife’s number.

The Plots of Last Night’s Double-Feature Might Be Blurred Haiku (February 13, 2011)

Virgin High followed
by Hud. Paul Newman poses
as a priest. Woos sluts.

Well, that’ll do it for this week. Until next time, have at it, you vultures!


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